The Golden Age of the Retrogrades
by SalomeNoble
Summary: she was the kind of woman a man would die for. Meaning once i saw her, i knew i would kill any man that would try and come between us.
1. Prologue 1

**Hey everyone! Sooo if you haven't already guessed I'm going to make this painfully clear that this will be my VERY FIRST story I have EVER written :3 Ahhh I'm getting so nervous just thinking about it. But anyways, before I pass out from the fear, I would like to say that I hope that anyone who reads this story will enjoy it. I'm not writing this for serious reasons or anything like that, I just wanted to write a Deadpool fanfic for...funsies. Yeah, just funsies. Btw, not only am I a newbie about writing stories, but I'm also a newbie in reading comic books- so yes, Deadpool took my Marvel virginity *swoon***

**….That was actually really awkward to type out.**

**ANYWAY,**

**With that in mind- er- just, please don't be so harsh on me if I miss something that has happened in the actual comics like Deadpool meeting someone that is already dead or anything like that. So, enough excuses and blabbering, on with the show! :)**

**WAIT, I forgot to mention that two "boxes" that talk to him! So i based them off the voices and personalities of the ones in the Deadpool game: **

**[-] is the deep voice, sort-of-mature one**

**(-) is the kid-like super immature one**

**_Italic_ Is just his own thoughts **

**Alright, NOW we can start :3**

* * *

><p>"<em>And I remember when I met him,<em>

_ it was so clear that he was the only one for me._

_We both knew it, right away. _

_And as the years went on, things got more difficult, _

_we were faced with more challenges. _

_I begged him to stay. _

_Try to remember what we had at the beginning._

_He was charismatic, magnetic, electric and everybody knew it... _

_He was like this hybrid, this mix of a man who couldn't contain himself. _

_I always got the sense that he became torn between being a good person and missing out on all of the opportunities that life could offer a man as magnificent as him. _

_And in that way, I understood him _

_and I loved him._

_I loved him, I loved him, I loved him._

_And I still love him. I love him._"- L.D.R

* * *

><p>The first thing she noticed when she regained consciousness was...black. Her vision was thick with darkness. She felt fabric over her eyes. A blindfold covered her eyes. She tried to call out for help but instead of screaming, a chunk of cloth that was stuffed into her mouth made her choke out "MMMMPH!"<p>

Instinctively, she started to panic and thrash around, trying to wiggle out of the tight ropes that tied her hands and ankles. A sharp pain stung her eyes and she realized tears were beginning to spill out. She tried to blink them back. Her breathing grew heavier and she softly whined out in fear.

Suddenly she heard someone humming a cheerful tone. Her panic grew and she became even more scared of the disturbing sound.

"Heey, you're awake! Holy shit you're a heavy sleeper! You were out for like…-well, actually I wasn't keeping track- but I was sooo bOoOOoOred-duh! Though I guess I knocked you out pretty hard, huh?" a disturbingly upbeat voice said to her. The happy tone of his voice made her cold and she wanted to cry all over again.

She could hear his heavy boots stomping across the room.

"You're right! Aww dammit, I didn't even think of sneaking a squeeze!" she heard him mumbled to himself.

"MMM!" she squealed through the gag. She tried to collect her panicked mind and remember what happened before her black out.

_'Okay, okay, calm down! Um…oh! I think I was aaat-...I was in a room. And...it was just me , Willow possibly and him. Then I felt someone come up behind me and clamp their hand on my mouth and a sharp pinch on my neck and I black out'_

"Well, now that the authors' done that crappy little flashback, whaddya say we move the plot along?" his happy tone continued on.

"MMM?" she squealed in bewilderment.

"I bet you're wondering why I kidnapped you" he said, ignoring the muffled noises she made. When he paused to wait for a response, she whimpered and slowly nodded in agreement.

"Well, I couldn't really help myself...y'know, after all we've been through-"

'_We?'_ she thought.

"-That I have you. I'll be sending out messages to the media every day they don't cooperate. I can't fucking wait! I'll be up to my neck in cash from the ransom money!"

She could feel and arm being wrapped around her shoulder and his body was pressed up against her side. He was probably crouched down beside her.

"-Have an image to maintain. What would my readers think if I were to suddenly turn into a hero? I would instantly lose my place in the Marvel top selling characters and more importantly, I wouldn't be...me" he said nonchalantly.

She tried to swallow back some salvia but with the gag completely lodged into her mouth, some drool spilled out from the side. After a few minutes of him venting about how hard it was being the best and still trying to balance the level of being ruthless yet awesome plus still trying to please his "fans", he finally became quiet.

"Thanks, it's rare to find a person who will listen, but it's even more rare that you find a woman who is willing to listen…" he said. "Well, based on the women I've met so far" he added.

'What the hell is happening!? How did I get here?!'

"Oh great, we're doing another flashback?" he said, annoyed. "You have got to be kidding- oh no, wait, this a prologue?"


	2. introduction

I walked up the steps and entered my relatively large private trailer. I tiredly shook off my clothes and shivered from the cold. Very quickly, I took off my glasses, pulled out my hair band, and hopped into the shower. Steam started to rise onto my glass shower enclosure, warming my frozen body.

I moved clockwise so that every hot water droplet caressed my tense muscles. I finished washing up and turned off the shower and stepped out. After making some lunch and sitting down to read another chapter of R_equiem For a Dream,_ I heard a knock at the door.

"Hello?" I called out.

"Hello, Miss Michaelis?"

I sighed. "Willow, please don't address me as 'Miss'. I've told you, you can call me by my first name" I said with a soft smile.

"Sorry Mi- I mean, Jessica" my long time assistant and best friend said.

"Don't worry about it. Now, what can I do for you?" I asked while hopping up and down trying to slide my still drying legs into black leggings.

"Um, this might not actually be as urgent, but I was just letting you know that I've hired a new bodyguard for you"

"Oh, that's nice- wait, what?" my soft voice turned into a little confused, pausing a second to look at the door.

"Well, since that last incident with the fan that turned out to be a crazed stalker, a few people and I have done some careful researching and we found a someone that can be your bodyguard"

"Bodyguard?" I squeaked. My stomach and every nerve instantly knotted up, making me anxious and nervous. I could hear Willow sighed and heard some movement outside.

"Jess, please calm down" she whispered.

I quickly put on some old worn out flats and put on my favourite shirt and a warm dark blue sweater. "But Willow this is ridiculous. I don't need protection, I can take care of myself! I've been able to until this moment so why do I need one now?"

"I know that but this man is just here to scare away the freaks that keep trying to come near you. I promise, I will be near you at all times and if you really feel uncomfortable with this-"

I headed to the door and slowly open the door just a crack, finally seeing Willow's sympathetic expression.

"-then we'll find another alternative. But one where you will be happy and not just trying to make everyone else forget about this issue" she finished. I looked down, a little upset about this. "I might not be in a position to be asking this but please," she got a little closer so she was now a few inches away from me. "Just try it out and see how it goes. You never know, this could work out and he might become another one of the few you can really trust" she urged on, smiling.

I sighed and squeezed my fist hard.

"Al-alright" I said. Finally, I opened my door and let out a deep breath.

"Would you like to meet him?" Willow said, stepping to the side and letting me pass.

"I would have to eventually. Let's just get this over with" I quietly responded. Willow rubbed my arm reassuringly. I adjusted my black framed glasses and self consciously started adjusting my clothes.

"Your parents really shielded you from just about everything, didn't they?"

"Ever since I was brought under their care...anyways," I said, smiling again "What time is it?"

"It's 1:00" she replied. I could see that she was still worried about me, but I tried to mask my irritation about the memories of my childhood. "Jess, remember that it's okay to-"

"I know. I've told you about this more than once haven't I? I promise, if I ever need anything, I'll always let you know" I said.

She still kept that look of worry on her face.

"Oh, c'mon Willow, I've forgotten about it, now why can't you? I can't try to relax and be the slightest bit comfortable when I know you're tense" I told her. "Which is pretty rare of you to be" I added while showing the slightest grin.

Silence fell, and all I could hear were our shoes crunching against the wet dirt road. I look around, seeing nothing but green forestry around me. Spring leaves covered the soil ground and the tree were scattered around us.

Finally, Willow sighed and started smiling again.

"Just a little FYI, this bodyguard of yours will be following you everywhere 24/7. You might wanna be aware that he is a little bit...eccentric"

"Eccentric?"

"You'll see" she said. I whimpered in slight fear of meeting my new bodyguard. My stomach started to knot up again and my legs started to ache. Again with the anxiety!

Finally, after the small hike we had to take to get to the location, I saw a big wide open field overlooking a great pasture of green grass and mountains that were in the background. I suddenly feel as scared anymore. With this beautiful scenery that I was surround by I felt a bit relaxed.

"Willow, remind to come back here next time I have a day off or any spare time" I said, sighing at the warm summer air and the gentle wind the wisped through my dark coffee coloured hair. I closed my eyes and ran my fingers through my bangs, making my way to the cameras and people that were standing in the tall grass.

"Ah, Miss Paisley! We've been waiting for you!"

"Hello Mrs. Adeline, how are you" I asked politely.

"Just fine, thank you!"

"Soo, can we start rolling?"

"Yes, yes, but first, we need to get you properly dressed!"

_'Properly dressed? What's wrong with what I have on right now?'_

With the snap of her fingers, a crew of women that I knew from past music videos came up to me and showed me the way to a small trailer that was probably filled with dresses and accessories that they were going to make me wear.

Before I could make it to the trailer door, I could hear Willow saying, "Hey what about meeting your new-"

"I- I can't do it right now"I quickly muttered, trying to speed walk away from her so that I could avoid the confrontation. I could hear her footsteps following me.

"Weren't you the one who said-"

"Yes, I know what I said. But can't it just wait until later? I mean, is it that important for me to meet him now?" I said.

"But he's supposed to be with you at all times"

"-And I'll trust that you make sure he does. But right now I gotta do this video first. Please, Willow? Pleeeease! Let's wait until after, okay?" I said in my sweetest voice.

She could tell that I was totally avoiding this but thankfully she let it go. We both walked into the trailer and I was lead into a chair where I was trying to dodge all the makeup they wanted to cake on my face. With lots of times saying, "No thanks" and the constant reminders that I already put on a little makeup before I came here, I was ready to put on the clothes they had for me.

I put on a black, skin tight high waisted pencil skirt that went just above my knees and buttoned up basic blue long sleeve dress shirt. Since it was a bit too long, I left a couple of buttons unbuttoned and tied the ends together so that it would fasten into the narrowest part of my waist.

With the women who were fixing up my tousled thick black hair I quickly stretched and looked at Willow.

"Is Ethan here?" I yawned.

"Yup. I think he's already been taken care of so he's just waiting for you"

"Alright. I'm ready" I said. Looking at myself in the mirror one last time, I turned and saw every woman there smiling from ear to ear at me. Startled, I asked, "What? Is there something on my face?" I started rubbing the back of my hand under my nose, trying to get rid of the thing that made them look at me in amusement.

"No, no, Miss Paisley. It's just- every time we get to work with you, you're always a pleasure to be around"

"Oh, um- well, thank you" I said awkwardly. "You women are always a pleasure to be around too. You guys always know what's best on my figure" I said, my cheeks flushing and my ears burning up. The sudden compliment came out of nowhere and I adjusted my glasses self consciously. Quickly trying to leave, I said goodbye and headed out to go see Ethan.


	3. Flume

"Ethan!" I called out. Although many people knew him by the stage name he gave himself, I called by his real name; because even though he was all grown up now, I still thought of him as the boy that always snuck around to try and talk to me even when he was threatened not to by my parents. Nevertheless, Ethan grew up to be a heartbreaker and a charmer (but not necessarily in that order). He was also my only friend. He was one of the very very few I could be comfortable around. I've known him since high school and despite both of us growing up and moving on to pursue our different dream jobs, we've been able to stay in touch for years.

"Jess!" He cried out in pure kid-like excitement. When I came up to him he easily picked me up by the waist and held me in the air. Then I was suddenly being wrapped up into his arms. With Ethan still holding me by the waist, I put my feet onto his tall legs and gently used it as a jumping board, doing one quick bounce and settling back onto the ground.

"So, I guess we should start or…?"

"Yeah, sure" he smiled. While we were heading to the top of the hill, he asked, "Have you seen that guy in the red and black onsie? He's got like a red mask with black blotches around his eyes"

"...

…

.what?" I said very confused.

"He's a big guy. He's about my height, he's wearing all these weapons around him. What, you haven't seen this guy? He's sticking out like a sore thumb!"

Suddenly, it hit me.

"Oooh, I think that's-" after a while of mentally debating with myself, I finished "my new bodyguard"

"Whoa,whoa, whoa! That guy?!"

"Well, I didn't exactly have a say in this- I mean I did but I'm keeping this sort of promise to Willow about trying this out. Y'know to see if I like it. And If I don't, then all I save to do is say so"

After some of the crew prepared for the opening scene and the makeup people doing the last finishing touches, I inched closer to Ethan.

"How is he?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean have you met him long enough to know what kind of guy he is?"

Ethan clicked his tongue in annoyance and finally said, "He likes to talk. A little too much. Especially when he is armed with samurai swords, guns and god knows what else kinds of weapons he has with him, he still manages to walk around like he's wearing his favourite pajamas. I have no fucking clue how he's allowed to have those swords out in the open"

Trying to contain my fear, I grabbed my wrist and tried to stay calm.

"W-well, I guess we should start right? Mrs. Adeline, we're ready!"

Ethan must've saw the look on my face, because he tried to reach out to me, wanting to apologize for his ignorance. But before he could say anything else, Mrs. Adeline whistled loudly, grabbing everyone's attention.

"Alright let's try to get this in one take!" she said loud and clear. "ANND, ACTION!" she dramatically yelled out in her authoritative and business like tone.


	4. Right guy, but wrong time

"Hooly KERR-AAAP" the six foot two man practically sang out as he watched the young girl from the back of the small crowd. "You never told me I was gonna be a bodyguard for Shakira! Oh fuck yes, this is totally going to be the doorway to protecting more famous people. I can just see it now: being Beyonce's personal bodyguard, or Betty White, OR-" he paused a second to make the moment more dramatic. "...Or Psy" he whispered to himself in pure excitement.

"Didn't I tell you before? Her name is Miss Paisley"

"Wait, her first name is 'Miss'?"

"No, her first name is Jessica!"

"Damn, dat ass just won't quit" he mumbled to himself as he was staring hard at Jess.

"Hello! S'cuse me, but i just heard what you said just now!"

The man lazily shoved his index finger towards Willow's face in a 'just just up for a second' kind of way while he was still taking in the mouth watering voluptuous curves the little singer had.

Willow could only glare and try to explain that his only job was to protect her from the crazy stalkers that always popped out of nowhere and tried to kidnap her. All he heard were the words "protect", "from stalkers," and "pervert".

"Hey, I'm not a pervert!" he protested.

"What are you talking about? Didn't you just hear what I said?"

After a long pause he finally but reluctantly tore his eyes off Jess, and looked over at Willow.

"Umm…

.

.

..no." he said with a blank stare.

Willow huffed out a long exaggerated sigh. "I said that you'll be with her for about a year or so. I need you to always be around her at all times and protect her from those damn perverts that keep popping up to-"

"To what, kidnap her? That's actually happened before?"

"Well, I certainly wouldn't have hired you for nothing"

"To be honest I've never heard of her before"

"Course you haven't. She's very famous in Central and South America. But she started out like any other small time singer and songwriter. She posted videos of herself singing on Youtube and after a while of waiting, the opportunity finally came when she auditioned for a talent show that was hosted by Michael Brown"

"Michael Brown? You mean-"

"The most famous entrepreneur?" Willow finished. "Yup. After that she took the risk of moving to America for a demo contract that was between them and from there she's been doing good. She's getting to be known. Although I am grateful that Michael found an interest in her, sometimes I can't help but think that all the glamour, all the fame, all the parties and money will get to her and she'll forget who she is"

"That not far from the truth." he replied, taking out a throwing knife and throwing it up in the air, catching it over and over. "I've been here longer than her and I can tell you that most of the people who get famous don't exactly come out human. I think it's hilarious to watch them drown each other just to keep the money flowing into their bank accounts"

"-But, I know she can still retain her dignity and morals. She's always been such a sweet and honest girl. She's more intelligent than people give her credit for her. She's not going to throw it all away"

With that said, Willow walked away, going to the aid of someone who was asking for her attention about something.

He couldn't help but laugh to himself.

"You say that now, but wait till the wrong person comes into her life at the wrong time"


	5. Start

Since Ethan already did his scenes, I was just finishing up my last scene. While the camera was rolling, I lip synced my last few lyrics as I walked through the beautiful forest.

_Sleep and sliding on the way_

_Drift and drowning on the way_

_Sleep and sliide_

"AAND THAT'S A WRAP!"

I let out a sigh of relief and while everyone cheered and clapped, I smiled and went to go look for Willow. Finally, after weaving through the crowds, I found Willow. She was standing in front of someone so her back was facing towards me. I ran up to her, calling her name to get her attention. I didn't know where Ethan had disappeared to but I didn't really care much as I knew that he would probably be back soon. Right now, I just wanted to sneak off my assistant and go drive through the city.

Suddenly, when Willow turned around, a big hulking figure rose from behind her and I instantly stopped dead in my tracks.

"Jessica! Sorry I wasn't able to greet you at the front of the crowd! Um, J...Jessica?"

My eyes weren't focused on Willow anymore. They were focused on the man behind her. My eyes travelled from his chest to his jaw and before I could make eye contact with him, I instantly snapped my eyes down to Willow. My body started to break out into a cold sweat and I could feel blood started to pound into my head.

Quickly, Willow came up to me and whispered sternly, "Jessica don't be afraid. Just go up to him and say hello"


	6. Wouldn't be the first time

While Deadpool was standing there, observing the hushed conversation that was going on between the two, he could sense that there was something wrong with the browned eyed girl. Her once warm eyes had turned dull and opaque and he could see that her body was tense.

_Is she afraid of me?_

_[Wouldn't be the first time someone has been]_

_But I haven't even done anything to her_

_(So? Has that stopped anyone from flinching in fear from you?)_

Before he could make some clever comeback, she came up to him. In that rare moment where Deadpool was quiet, he watched in curiosity at what she would do next. Would she pull a fake smile or would she just not smile at all? What if she smacked him upside the head or kicked him in the nuts out of anger?

Instead of a fake smile, a glare or even a smack, a genuine and shy smile appeared on her face

"..."

"What? Repeaté por favor!"

In a polite but quiet but soft voice, she said "Hi, name's Jessica Paisley Michaelis. You can just call me Jess. It's so great to finally meet you mister….." she offered her hand to him.

Clearing his throat and doing all this weird shit to make him look cool (like trying to make himself look taller, lowering his voice a few thousand octaves to sound like Liam Neeson and broadening his shoulders), he clasped her hand and shook it once.

"Wa- I mean, name's Deadpool"

Without questioning the odd name, she smiled brightly. With the comfortable silence that was around the two, he couldn't help but smile.


	7. What's a chimichanga?

Willow smiled at Jessica. She was cooperating. She was getting comfortable with this! Since Willow was relieved to realize Jessica was willingly to get along with Deadpool, she came up to the two and asked what she wanted to do with her free time now.

"Ummm...well I did want to head back and change my clothes since it's so hot...and maybe we could head to the city for drinks" she said, her expression still relaxed and happy.

"I-I mean, if that's okay with you guys" she added quietly, looking at the both of them.

Deadpool shrugged. "Don't care" he said simply.

Willow nodded eagerly." Sure!"

Just when they were about to walk back to her private trailer, a voice called from behind them.

"JEESSSICAAA!"

The three turned and Jess walked toward him to meet him. "What's up"

"Just wanted to let you know that I gotta stick around here. Have some stuff I gotta do"

Jessica peeked around him and saw one particular girl from the makeup crew standing there, watching him. Possibly waiting for him. She looked back at Ethan and noticed the small tinge of red crossing his cheeks.

" 'Stuff you gotta do' ? Yeah, sure Ethan. Sure" she looked at him, giving him a disapproving look.

"If I don't see you later and you're not too busy, maybe we could go get a bite to eat sometime in, say, a few weeks?" he asked, his eyes turning soft to persuade her.

she sighed. "Just text me and we could work it out"

Ethan grinned and Jess pecked him on the cheek, saying their goodbyes. "You better watch it, Ethan. Slow down on your intake of girls before you get your first taste of a black eye" she reminded him. Ethan nodded and they both went their separate ways. When the three finally got to her trailer, she walked ahead and looked backed at them.

"Alright, I'll try to be really fast so just wait a minute" she said before starting her race to grab her belongings.

As soon as her door closed shut, Willow looked at her phone and realized how close dinner time was. Deadpool was just leaning against the trailer, quietly mumbling crazy things Willow chose to ignore.

"Jess, it's nearly five o'clock" Willow said.

After hearing things be rummaged and thrown around, she popped her head outside the door.

"Sorry, I'm being so rude. Do you guys want to come in? It's pretty hot outside and I wouldn't want you two to melt." Before either of them could say anything, she was already opening the door and happily motioning them to come in.

While the two climbed up the steps and made their way inside, Jess trotted to her bedroom, calling out, "Make yourselves at home!"

While Willow seated herself in the built in booth that was opposite to the door, Deadpool walked around, looking at the neatly organized CDS and movies that were lined against the window.

_[Snooping through a girl's private belongings? Ah, very classy]_

_Just investigating_

_(Yeah, we're just being "dicks"! And you remember what "dicks" are?")_

_[...slang term for detective, right]_

_(Yup!)_

_[Well, that was dangerously close to a another reference I did not want to have to discuss with the readers]_

"Destiny's child. Meh, they're okay. Survivor's my favourite. The music video is definitely fap material" he put that one down and looked at the next few. "CeeLo Green (never heard of him), Nirvana (meh, sure), Dashboard confessional (wasn't one of their songs in Spider Man's movie? Tobey Maguire looked so cute in that movie with all the moping and crying for his grandparents)" After flipping through a bunch of CDs and checking them off as "meh" or "never heard of them", he finally caught something.

_(Hey, lookie here! Daft Punk)_

_[She likes Daft punk?]_

_(Gorillaz too, apparently)_

For some reason he put the CDs in his pouches.

"Alright, I'm ready" Jessica said, already hopping down the steps towards the black SUV. Deadpool quickly put down her CDs and went to go follow after the two girls.

"You can sit in the front if you want" Jessica looked back at Deadpool who was just catching up to them. With everyone buckled in, Jess looked over at Deadpool, who was still struggling with the belt and was yanking it harder and harder.

"What the hell!"

"You want some help?"

"No, No, wait a sec, I got this!"

[No, you don't]

With another tug, the belt went a inches further but got stuck again. Willow was trying to help, but the masked man kept ignoring her and was determined to do this by himself.

"Fucking-"

"Would you-"

"Stupid-"

"Wait a-"

"Car!"

"Here, wait a second," Jessica interrupted. As she adjusted the belt a few times, the belt finally clicked into place. Before he could reluctantly mutter thanks, she had already seated herself back into the chair and were already driving out.

For what seemed like only a few seconds, was actually minutes. He wondered where his voice had gone. He'd usually be spouting some sort of nonsense, but not even a loud belch came out of him. Suddenly he was jolted out of his thoughts with the loud blaring of music.

YOU DOWN WITH OPP (YEAH YOU KNOW ME)

WHO'S DOWN WITH OPP (EVERY LAST HOMIE)

YOU DOWN WITH OPP (YEAH YOU KNOW ME)

WHO'S DOWN WITH OPP (ALL THE HOMIES)

"HOLY SHIT JESS IS THIS HOW YOU LOUD YOU PUT IT WHEN YOU'RE DRIVING BY YOURSELF?!"

"Ahhh! No, turn it off! TURN IT OFF!"

Suddenly, he saw Jess leap from the back to the front of the car, trying to press every button frantically. Then it instantly went quiet.

After a day of unconsciously repressing all his usual crazy antics, he couldn't help but start laughing. She pulled herself up to look at him. With her hair now a mess and trying to crawl back into her seat, a light blush appeared on her light brown skin.

"I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you two!"

He looked back towards the girl who immediately became quiet under his stare and was avoiding his eyes.

"Don't worry about it toots," he chuckled. "and call me Wade."

Finally, after a whole four chapter of bullshit, her dark eyes finally met his. The stare sent a slight electrifying pulse throughout her body.

"Er, but you told me to call you-"

"Deadpool's just my superhero name. But since it's you, call me Wade" he replied and winked at her. To his immature, horny 13-year-old-boy mind, he liked that she laughed nervously and her cheeks flamed a brighter red. Before he could try and make her flush again, Willow interrupted the special moment that they were having.

"So you have any idea where you wanna eat?"

"Hmmm...hows about we just go get seven dozen chimichangas? There's one on Cleveland Avenue. Another one on Queens Blvd, Roosevelt Ave, Astoria Blvd, 9th Ave, Amsterdam Ave-"

"I wasn't asking-"

"What's a chimichanga?"

Wade slowly turned around, looking at Jess with a shocked expression.

"You don't know what a chimichanga is?" he whispered in horror. "Please tell me that you're joking"

She simply shrugged her shoulders and shook her head, her doe like-eyes wide and innocent. "Nope"

"Redhead, go to Amsterdam Avenue"

"Now hold on, I was asking Jess"

"It's okay Will, I want to try this" she smiled.

With a small huff of annoyance, Will started driving towards Amsterdam Avenue.


	8. More like One Out Of A Millon

Finally, after swerving through traffic, circling around the area a thousand times for a parking space, and finding a booth to sit at, they finally got their meal and were eating.

Jess was a bit skeptical about the food, but her stomach was growling in hunger and she wasn't about to argue now. Their table was filled with food- mostly from Wade ordering the most Chimichangas-and the paper containers were dripping with condensation. Wade didn't waste any time to wait for them and he started digging right in with some of the worst table manners one might imagine. Giving a quick glance at Wade who didn't even realize he was being stared at, Jess slowly and carefully bit into the burrito.

It tasted pretty good. It was a bit spicy but she didn't mind. She took a sip of her drink, not knowing it was soda, and as soon as the fizz and carbon went down her throat, she nearly spewed out in disgust.

"You okay Jess?" Willow asked

Trying to blink back the pain that was beginning to spill out of her eyes, she gave a weak smile.

"Just the soda" she smiled as she finished up her food.

Just when Wade finished up his last chimichanga and pop, he could hear some commotion going on. He looked up to find Jessica standing up from the booth and walking towards the bar area.

Suddenly, Jess dashed towards their table grabbing her purse and jacket and nearly shoving their table aside.

"wegottagowegottagowegottago!" she said frantically

"What's wrong?" Wade smiled as he started to grab for the left Katana on his back.

"Paparazzi" She said, clearly annoyed at the thought of them.

"Wade you can't hurt any of them!" Willow said already pointing a finger at the mercenary.

"AW C'MOOON!" he whined louder. "5? Please just 5! I prooomise I'll make sure they'll still breathing!" he batted his eyes at her.

"NO WADE. Let's just get out the back door and we'll try to beat them to the car!"

Whimpering like spoiled little kid, Wade sheathed his sword and followed behind them. Suddenly he came back and gathered up all his precious little chimichangas and then ran out. Just when they were running down the last few blocks bright flashes of cameras and the loud hollering of paparazzi popped out of nowhere. Jessica, who was easily scared of everything, screamed and made a crazy dash across the street. Willow gasped and started running after Jessica, yelling at her to watch for the cars.

During the mayhem of hollering, screaming and cameras flashing, Deadpool started running after the both of them, quickly sneaking in a few thousand hard punches to the paparazzi and sometimes yelling "FAAALLLCON PUUWWNCH".

Like cockroaches quickly running away from light, the groups of photographers backed off and decided to takes pictures from the opposite side of the street. Deadpool finally caught up with them, hoping that Willow hadn't seen him leaving those guys lying unconscious on the street.

Unfortunately, luck wasn't with him that night.

"Dammit Wade I told you not to do that!" Willow panted out while they were speed walking past the intersection. Jessica, who was now walking between the both of them, was still checking behind her shoulder, completely amazed at what her new bodyguard had done.

"Aww they're fine. I didn't break any bones and we got away so it's a win-win situa-"

"No, Wade, I told you to not do anything except protect Jessica, which, you didn't exactly do! You weren't anywhere near her"

"Willow, it's fine" Jessica laughed sweetly. "I am safe and I'm sure that after those paparazzi get back home from the hospital, they'll know better than to come near me so it's a couple less photographers to run from! See Will? Win-win situation" she used her brightest, most pure smile and Willow couldn't do anything but huff in annoyance.

"Fine"

Just when Wade was going to shoot a smug face at Willow, he felt a small hand press against his forearm.

"Wade, I can't thank you enough for taking this job. I'm sure that if you weren't here we wouldn't have gotten out so quickly." With the sweetest smile that was literally melting the last bits of what was left of his heart and mind, she let go and walked ahead, humming a soft tune while she started looking through the windows of the shops.

_….holy shit._

_(..wow.) _

Trying to shake any thoughts that might further cause his pants to get any tighter, his eyes couldn't help but be mesmerized by the voluptuous bod that she had. He could only guess that he wasn't the only one watching. He checked around him. Coincidentally-

"I call bullshit on that author"

It WAS a coincidence. Anyways,

A group of business men were walking past them and had caught sight of the brunette. While each of them walked past her, they cleared a path for her and did a double take to sneak a glance at her.

_Yup. Every single one of them._

"She looks like that cute redhead from Madmen" He said to himself.

"You mean Christina Hendricks?" a voice replied.

"Yeah, that's her name! The only difference is she's like the latina version of Christina Hendricks. She is latina right?"

"She's actually Colombian. Unfortunately, because she is known for her classic hourglass figure, many of the tabloids have accused her of having numerous surgeries to look like that"

"But wouldn't there be some kind of proof that she was under the knife? Like a scar or just the appearance alone?"

"Yeah, there would definitely be, but even though she's tried to convince others she's had no surgery, people still like to spread rumors"

Silence fell.

"…..you think she has a boyfriend?"

"If you're thinking of asking her out, I would say your chances with her are extremely low"

"Like, one out of ten?"

"More like one out of a million"

Noticing her hair glow a dark fire red, he kept a close watch on her.

**"….so you're saying there's still a chance" **

Wade grinned. He pumped his fist into the air and silently thanked the stars; But most importantly, the author.

"*ahem* Mr. Wilson, not to burst your bubble here but I'm saying that there is no way that she would date a mercenary like you. Not only have you explicitly shown to me that you were more than suited to take this job, but you also are just her bodyguard, nothing more, and nothing less"

"-WOAH, how long have you been here?! You mean I wasn't talking to those little yellow boxes?"

"What are you talking about? You were speaking to me weren't you?" Willow replied.

"Uh….yeah, sure I was" he replied as both of them finally caught up with Jess. The sky was already turning a bright red colour, signaling the day was coming to a close. The 3 climbed into the vehicle, Willow in the driver's seat, Jess seated right next to Will and Deadpool sitting at the far edge.

"Will, I'm really tired. Can you just drop me off at my house and we'll call it a day?" Jess yawned and stretched her arms over her head.

"Sure. But just so you know, Mr. Wilson is going to be staying with you in your home for a couple of days." she grimaced at the thought of him staying with her "It's only until I find an apartment for him to stay at for the next few months or so."

_Didn't realize how much Willow wants me to hook up with Jess. Not that I'm complaining or anything but jeez girl, it wouldn't kill ya to at least give me a heads up so that I could bring the fuzzy pink police cuffs and honey?_

Already drifting off to sleep, Jess took one last yawn and instantly fell asleep.

With Willow starting up the car, they headed to Jess' house.

"Sooo…..are you going to be staying with us too?" Deadpool asked

_Pleasedon'tstaypleasedon'tstayPLEASEDONTSTAY_

"no-"

_OHMYGAWDFUCKYEESS_

_"-_She has a day off tomorrow but I'll call her in the morning"

"Well don't call too early, I can only guess that she'll be sleeping in late. Unless you were calling to check up on me" he replied with a sly grin.

"Don't flatter yourself" Willow grumbled

After a while of silence and the occasional disgruntled mewl that Jessica made while she unconsciously thrashed around trying to find a comfortable position, their surrounding area turned from tall skyscrapers to open pastures filled with grass and glowing fireflies. After singing the wheels on the bus go round and round for the 20th time, Wade started to fall asleep. Just when he was started to nod off, he felt the car drive on smooth pavement to rocky ground making him bonk his head on the window. The open starry night sky was slowly being closed off by the tall dark trees that covered each side of the pathway. The air was filled with fireflies and the whole forest was glowing a dark blue.

* * *

><p>"Are we there yet?" he whined. After getting a growl from Willow that sounded like the word "almost", he took a loud and overly exaggerated yawn. Wade propped his feet on the dashboard and rested his arm on the back of the seat. Now heavily sleeping, Jess started to lose strength in keeping her upper torso up and began lying down.<p>

"Jess, you gotta stay up, we're almost there" Willow said softly, using her free hand to nudge her awake.

Wade looked down at her, watching her fingers twitch and her eyebrows furrow every once in awhile. Her nose would do a funny little twitch that almost looked like a bunny twitching its nose. Her pink soft lips started forming into a pout and she started quietly whimpering. His eyes travelled down to her exposed neck.

_(you enjoying this?)_

_Yup. Every minute of it._

_[even when she's clearly having a nightmare?]_

"Mmm" she mewled

_Heh. From the way she sighed like that I'd say she's having a pretty good dream._

_(hehehe, it's probably about me!)_

"…no…no, sir I can't sell you these special magical tube soc-" she mumbled and started giggling.

_(Oooo sounds kinky!)_

_[Ugh. so stupid]_

"….Jessica, what the heck is going on inside you head?" Willow asked as she quirked her eyebrow at Jess.

Finally driving up to the house, Deadpool hopped out and looked up at the house.

He looked further up.

And up.

And up.

"Beat the homeless and shoot the neighbors, how fuckin big is this place?!" he exclaimed, astonished at the unbelievable size of the mansion.

"Uh hello, Wade you have to help me with her!"

"Just wake her up" he replied, already standing right in front of the door.

_(No you idiot, you'll miss the chance of getting to carry her over the threshold!)_

_You mean I'm married to her now?!_

_(Once this uptight redhead leaves, we'll get to play all sorts of games with her, like doctor and…and...)_

_[cat and mouse? Twister? Strip poker?]_

_Ohhh yes baby, now you're talkin!_

"WADE!"

"Alright, alright, don't get your granny panties in a bunch" Wade said. He hopped back down to the car and cradled her into his arms.

"God, this woman feels softer than a….than a…." He paused for a second to think about a good comparison "than a chimichanga"

"Just hurry up and get her to her room" Willow growled.


	9. Plan SBS

When Jess woke up she found herself lying on her bed. She slowly got up and looked over at the clock that was sitting on her nightstand.

'10:00 pm'

She swung her legs over her comfy bed and realized she was still in her pants and long sleeve. Not bothering to close the curtains to her window, she shimmied her way out of her pants and took off her shirt, With nothing but her seamless black boy shorts and her favourite black bra she sat at the edge of her bed and looked toward the mirror that face her bed. Closing her eyes for a moment, she pulled her hairband out and let her long black hair cascade down her back. Her choppy bangs were a little messed up so she she got up and walked toward her large vanity mirror and grabbed a brush.

_'Man, I'm so hungry right now'_

Quickly brushing her hair, she set the brush down and unsnapped her bra. She threw it behind her, not bothering to see where it landed. Suddenly, she heard a loud crash outside of her window following with several dogs barking. When she went over to her window, she peered out and looked around outside, trying to find out what caused that noise. All she could see was the dark outline of the large oak tree that covered most of her window. Shrugging it off, she went over to her dresser and put on a simple black tank top. Taking one last look at herself in the mirror, she walked out of her room.

Trotting down the hallway and making her way down the spiralling stairs, she made her way to another long hallway and entered the kitchen. Everything was perfectly quiet, and the rain was pouring down hard against the wide glass windows. she found the remote to the stereo and pressed play. While she was cooking pasta, she put the song_ How Can you Swallow So Much Sleep_ by _The Bombay Bicycle Club_.

As the music played she strained the pot of noodles and let the warm heat of fog up her black framed glasses. she got out a plate and a big jar of tomato sauce. With the rain pouring outside and the air getting thick with warmth, she felt a bit sleepy and her body felt relaxed, making her movements calmer.

Just as she finished making her meal, she turned around only to find a blurry figure standing there.

"Hey"

Jess screamed as she threw her plate at the figure. With the fog still covering her glasses she couldn't see a thing. Almost instantly the thing dodged the plate that crashed somewhere in the background.

"Woah! Hey stop!" it yelled out.

She frantically grabbed for something close to her and threw it.

"Jess-would you-AHHH!"

She grabbed another object.

"Wowyouhaveaverystrongarm-AHHH, STOP!"

Suddenly, the figure was standing right in front of her, grabbing the hand that had a wooden spoon.

Frightened to the core and still blind she tried to wrench her hand from the strong grip that was holding her.

"Jess, it's me!" a deep familiar voice said.

She stopped struggling and looked up, trying to squint through the fog that was slowly fading away.

"W-Wade?" she stuttered out.

"Yup" he chirped. Still smiling, his voice got a little calmer. "You know it's not a very good idea to play housewife in the kitchen while you're completely blind." She watched as his eyes traveled around her body. "But I do like the lack of clothes you chose not to wear. You gonna stay like this for the rest of the night?" he purred. "Kidding!" he chuckled while coughing something that sounded like "sort of"

Trying to collect herself and not faint, she gently pushed herself away from him and swerved around him, immediately going to pick up her black sweatpants that were on a chair and quickly put them on. Next she started cleaning up the mess that she made.

"Aw, c'mon Jess, what's the matter?" he pouted.

"N-Nothing. It's just- not to sound rude or anything, but why are you here?"

Wade grabbed the chair that was in front of the drawers and sat on it backwards, his arms resting on the top of supporting back. "Umm, because you agreed to let me stay?"

"When did I agree to that?" she asked while she took out her broom and started sweeping the shattered pieces on the ground.

"Like, a few chapters ago...chapter 8 to be precise"

"Wait, what?"

"Nothing." He smirked from under his mask.

"Seriously, stop joking around. I can't remember when I ever said yes to this" she continued, her eyes still glued onto whatever could avoid facing his intimidating but playful stare.

"You really don't remember? It was when Willow was driving us here"

With her eyebrows furrowed, she scrunched her eyes tight and lightly tapped the tip of the broomstick against her head, trying her hardest to remember. Then something clicked in her head that made her remember those last few words Willow said.

"Ohhhh, riight!" she said quietly. "But what bad timing Willow has. Didn't she realize that I was already half asleep?" she said to herself. Wade didn't say anything. Instead, he watched as she silently placed the dustpan between her feet and swept the rest of the broken pieces into it. Next, she picked up the dustpan and with quiet taping of her small feet, she walked past him and dropped the pieces into the garbage. He didn't bother to turn around and steal another glance at her voluptuous round behind. Rather than turn, he couldn't help but be forced to smell that icky disgustingly sweet scent that he liked.

_She smells good. Not overly sweet like that fake cotton candy shit most girls wear but-_

_(sort of like a warm woodsy smell?)_

_I would say cilantro_

_(mmm, cilantro)_

_Smells almost as good as gunpowder or blood and guts._

Already making up her mind to swallow her fear and just act normal, she walked around him and stopped at the doorway.

"Well, since you're going to be staying here, allow me to show you my humble crib" she said with charm. Wade grinned and followed her out of the kitchen. Though he was half listening to her prattle on about where the bathrooms, spare rooms, and any other rooms he didn't care about, he noticed that she was blushing a bright red whenever he got close to her.

_She totally wants me_

_(Tots. The blushing, the bedroom eyes! You think she's the type to let us motorboat her on the first date?)_

_[Maybe. You know the old saying: it's usually the shy types that are wild cats in bed]_

_(Humnahumnahumna!)_

_Okay, just play it cool. You're Deadpool for fuck's sakes, the merc with the mouth, the gangster of love, the guy that'll be on GQ's cover (someday), the prince of crimes-_

_...no wait, that's Joker's nickname._

_(Shut up and pay attention!)_

_You shut up, you don't own me!...or do you?_

_(Just say something cool!)_

"How tall are you?" he suddenly asked.

_(Woooow. After taking a week off to memorize the top 10 best pickup lines! If there was a shame meter for this story right now, it would be full)_

_I'm pretty sure I deserve the cone of shame right now_

"Umm, I think I'm about 5'5 " she said. They were walking down the hallway on the 2nd floor. "Why? How tall are you?"

"6'2 "

"Wow" she said, her voice naturally dripping in a soft sing song voice.

"Heh, do I look taller than that?" he suddenly stood a little taller, a proud smile appearing on his face.

"You look...6'4? Or maybe 5? Something like that" she said softly.

Silence fell. For some reason, Deadpool didn't say anything more. No smart flirty remarks, no jokes, no nothing. Her quiet demeanor calmed him, and the voices in his head seemed to disappear (well at least a little). He didn't even realize that he was following her into the living room.

"Sooo if you don't mind, I'm going to stay up for another hour or so. You can join me if you want but if you wanna hit the hay a little early, you can pick any of the spare rooms I have. If you get hungry you're more than welcome to rummage through my fridge. Annd, yeah," she smiled. "Just make yourself at home."

_Whaaa? She's just gonna leave us hangin' like this?_

Jess hopped over the big couch and started crawling on the ground to get her movies that were stashed in a big drawer under her TV. Going through her movies, she tried to find one that caught her eye.

_(This is going nowhere. You better think of something fast before we have to pull out plan S.B.S)_

_"S.B.S?"_

_(Surprise Butt Sex)_

_[You do realize that if you try to force sex on her you probably won't be getting your payment not to mention she'll sue you for rape. Remember you're still on the job. You can't mix business with pleasure]_

_Where the hell have you been?_

_[The author forget that I was still here]_

_So I can't even suck face with her. I mean you do have to accept the fact that she wants this. I mean it's only natural for-_

_(Just shut up and join her...maybe if she initiates it first, we won't get the blame for it. I mean it isn't really our fault)_

Not knowing what else to do, Wade walked over to the couch and looked over.

"What the hell?"

_(...Did she fall asleep while she was in the middle of doing something?)_

"I think so" he said.

Sighing, Wade walked around the couch and took a closer look at her.

"Yup. She's knocked the fuck out. For someone so tiny you would think she would have as much energy as a kid." Wrapping one arm under her head and the other under her legs, he easily lifted her up and turned around to face the couch. Without thinking, he walked over to the couch and seated himself with her still in his arms. With a little adjustment, he was comfortable and he placed her head under his arm and rested it over the armchair.

His pain, his thoughts his life as a mercenary, his cancer, his inability to be normal, his inability to die; Oddly enough, in the silence that surrounded them he didn't think of those things. He decided to busy himself with watching the girl sleep.

"You know, in most famous scenes like this, I would consider waking her up...but you know what? Fuck it, we'll just skip past that"

_(You should probably skip the quote you're going to repeat that was in issue #2)_

_Yeah. Don't think it's very polite to be thinkin bout Siryn when I have this little lady in my hands._

_[What the hell are you guys talking about? That quote wouldn't even fit into this story. She isn't part of the X-geek team and she doesn't have any super powers. God, you guys are so stupid]_

Very gently, his hand uncurled itself from under the back of her leg and traced along the top of her thigh. Then across to the hip that wasn't pressed against him.

His hand lightly cupped her hip and proceeded to move to her-

_[Freeze!]_

"Ugh, god, what?"

_[No free squeezes]_

_(C'mon, she's a heavy sleeper. What she doesn't know won't hurt her! Unless the squeeze is a little too hard)_

"She's not wearing a bra"

_[Exactly so she'll definitely feel it. Now drop that hand, and step away from the tits]_

_(...You're such a buzzkill)_

_[Hey I'm the one who has to keep you in check. I'm the semi logical side of you]_

He closed his hand into a fist except his index finger and the middle. Like two mini hand legs, he tiptoed up to her breasts and climbed on top of one breast.

"Boing, boing, boing!" he said as his hand started jumping on it.

_(Hahahaha!)_

_[Hey, stop! She'll wake up]_

"Woopsie" he said as the leg fingers turned into an open palm that formed around her right breast. He gave one light squeeze.

_Mother of god, that's frickin soft._

_(Squishy! Soft! Like a marshmallow!)_

"No way man, it's like softer than that. It's like-"

He squeezed again.

"-Like cotton candy."

Without saying anything else, his hands quickly went up to her face. She had brown skin and full brown lips. Her bangs that usually covered her forehead were now clipped back and her very long straight black hair went down past her breasts and ended at her stomach. Her eyelashes fluttered every once in a while. He gently took off her glasses that were beginning to slide down her nose and slipped into the pocket on her right breast. Pulling off his mask and taking off his glove with his teeth, his bare hand cupped her cheek, feeling the soft flesh and rubbing his thumb over her cheekbone.

Wade yawned and his hand slowly went down to her neck. Under his rough, deteriorated skin, her neck was deliciously smooth and soft. With every touch, stroke and soothing brush, he began to nod off.

_[Hey don't fall asleep!]_

_(Gotta agree with him on this one. If she wakes up in your arms and sees you without your mask on you'll be in so much shit)_

"S'her fault. She's the one that fell asleep..." He yawned as he lazily pulled on his mask about half way down. "There. Now both of you shut up and take a few zz's"

_[Fine. But keep your snoring down. God, sometimes you sound like you're snorking up snot and choking on it]_

"Probably am"

_(Okay, okay. Just shut up and sleep)_

After a long silence of nothing, Wade rested his head back and closed his eyes. Each breath he took became calm and slow.

_(...Love you guys)_

_[Sh]_


	10. The Irish Angel

Very slowly I opened my eyes, trying to get adjusted to the bright light was determined to make me close my eyes again. Stretching my arms over my head and letting out a small yawn, I lifted my head up and noticed I was still in the living room.

_'Oowww my neck. Ah frick, my neeeeck! Ow,ow,ow,ow,ow,ow!'_

Resting my head back down, I noticed that my couch felt a lot harder than before; stiff as a board.

'_Well, it's not much of a surprise; I do spend a lot of time sittin my ass on this-ohmygod!'_

I looked up to my right and realized that I was lying in the arms of Wade. His head was completely facing upwards to the ceiling. His left hand was rested on my stomach and his right hand was rested beside my head. Not trying to look completely scared about doing this, I awkwardly tried to get up without placing my hands anywhere. Just when I started to hear him snort and start to twitch, I instantly froze. Finally, I was able to get off him and took a quick look around. Everything was normal; cloudy but still bright, birds chirping and trees blowing in the wind. Everything was still and quiet. I noticed that his mask wasn't completely covering his face. Then I saw it.

"Oh my goodness..."

From under his nose to down I could see he had severe burn marks and I could already guess his entire face must look disfigured.

"Wade, what the hell happened to you?" I whispered. Mentally arguing with myself to just leave, I slowly placed myself on his lap again. I decided to take a closer look. I wasn't going to take off his mask completely, I just want to see it up close. Without thinking, I slowly touched his bare skin, gently caressing his rough face and lightly touching his bottom lip with my thumb. A blush starts to spread across my cheeks in embarrassment.

I feel like a pervert.

_'Okay, Mr. pervy wervy, stop thinking of him that way!' _

"...Theresa..." he moaned in his sleep.

_'Huh? Who's Theresa?'_

"Mmm….fuck, Terry..yes…just a little more"

_'OOOOKAY AND IM GUNNA GO MAKE SOME BREAKFEST NOW. YUP, I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING!'_

Trying to calm down, I put on my glasses and quickly but quietly get off him. I speed walked out of the room and head towards the kitchen.

_'I should probably make some for him too. But I wonder what he likes? Just base it off what Ethan likes: pancakes and bacon. He's a pretty big guy, so better make a lot. Maybeee I should put out some waffles, coffee, toast, eggs (ugh, bleh, I hate eggs), and maybe, like, hashbrowns or something….? I wonder if I have time to make some cookies or muffins…._

_"I should probably take a cold shower too_" I muttered to myself.


	11. Delissio

Wade began laughing perversely in his sleep. Gradually he stopped and his hands began to close around themselves. Suddenly his eyes shot open and he snapped his head up.

"J-Jessica?" he murmured as he noticed she wasn't on his lap anymore.

_[she's obviously up]_

_(go find her!)_

Wade stretched out his arms and threw himself on his feet. Shaking out his legs and pulling out the major butt wedgie from his tight spandex suit, he hopped over the couch and headed left towards the hallway.

"Jess?" he repeated. He took a peek inside the kitchen and walked in.

_Woaah! What's with all the food?_

Walking up to the big round table full of food, he noticed a small note placed on the coffee pot.

'Wade,

Didn't know what you liked to eat so I tried to make one of everything Hope you find something you like!'

-Jess

Wade stood there in silence.

_(What the hell are you still standing there for?! Hurry up and eat this whole goddamn table up!)_

He quickly sat down and looked completely lost, not knowing what to eat first. But once he took a bite of a waffle, he started eating the whole 4 stacks of them. And once he grabbed a pancake, he started bulldozing through the whole buffet.

Every second he had time to breathe between eating everything he would groan out "So good….so…fucking….goooodd!" with tears streaking down his face. By the end of the violent but glorious war between Jess' delicious cooking and Deadpool, our merc with the mouth nearly almost lost his entire strength.

Belching out the loudest and longest burp that echoed through the entire house, Wade finally sat back, completely and utterly satisfied.

_[….that was…]_

_(Delicious!)_

_[as dora would say….delicioso!]_

_Isn't that delissio?_

_(I think that's a pizza)_

_"YOU'RE A PIZZA"_

_[anyways, you better go find her]_

"alright little piggy, come out, come out wherever you arrre!"


	12. Mr Winkie!

After a much needed and long warm shower, I stepped out, quickly drying up with my towel. Without wrapping myself up in my fluffy towel, I walked out of my bathroom and into my bedroom. Quietly humming a song that I was still working to complete, I looked through my dresser and picked out a pair of panties and a brassiere.

_'He should be done by now right?…Wonder how cold it is outside…'_

Putting on a pair of leggings and a big comfy grey long sleeve, I quickly brushed my hair, put on some makeup, and headed toward the door. trying to be quiet, I opened it very slowly, and I looked right; nothing. Then left; nothing either. There was no one in sight. I quickly tip toed to the end of the hall and made my way down the stairs. Grabbing my notebook and pencils from the hallway, I made my way to the back porch. The day was still dark and grey but with the small light breezes, I decided to go down to the backyard and try to work on my pieces.

"He'll find me eventually…" I reassured myself. I picked up a towel that was hanging on a lawn chair and laid it on the ground. After settling myself in, I opened the case and pulled out my guitar. Tuning the strings, I started humming the tune of how I wanted the song to sound like.

While I was writing, I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous and weird this was going to turn out.

"I'm in no way a homewrecker" I giggled "but whatever"

_"Every...boyfriend is the one. Until other-wise proven….the good are never easy, the easy never good. And love, it never happens like you think it really should_" I said. "_Deception and perfection are wonderful traits" I smiled "one will breed love, the other, hate". "You'll find me in the lonely hearts….under 'I'm after a brand new start'_ _And I don't belong to anyone_" I quietly sang "_They call me homewrecker, homewrecker_" I started singing a little louder. "_They call me homewrecker, homewrecker_" I continued to sing. With one inhale I started losing the momentum and just awkwardly said "uhhhhmmm….."

Suddenly my cell phone rang and I swiped it over to me with my foot. My screen flashed Willow's name.

"Hey Will"

"Hey Jess, just want to remind you that you have that photo shoot that's scheduled for this afternoon and you also have a performance to do at for Mr Harvey's fundraiser that will be held at his mansion- that's this evening"

"Ahh right, okay, okay…umm, what time should you and the chauffeur be here?"

"We'll be there in about an hour"

"Kay, see you then". I hung up the phone and set it down beside me. I silently looked up at the sky and saw that the clouds were getting darker. 'Is Wade lost?'

I ran my hand through my hair and pushed my bangs to the side. "Great…not only do I have to-"

"HEY!" a loud scream belted into my left ear. My heart nearly leapt out of my body as I gasped.

I turned to my left and was looking straight into a pair of big white eyes.

"Wade" I sighed.

"I was looking for you everywhere. I got lost so many times…..what're doing out here?"

"Just…" I tapped my pencil against the notebook in my other hand "writing….." I took a quick look at him and turned my head to busy myself. "How was breakfast? I mean, was it okay?"

"okay? It was so good!" I was suddenly pulled into his arms and was given a small hug "hell of a lot better than Weasel's sorry ass attempt at making grub"

"Weasel?"

"Yeah, because believe it or not, even homicidal maniacs can have a friend keepin an eye out for us. But sadly they don't come with the housewife skills package like you do."

_I wonder if it's possible to do some kind of human trade between Weasel and her. It'd be a good investment to have this little senorita as our house maid then that nerd._

_[I'd think her fans would notice a big difference when they see Weasel on the stage in a scantily clad outfit trying to sing]_

Before she could reply, a loud thunderous boom came from the sky followed by a heavy downpour of rain. Grabbing my stuff, I tried talking over the loud rain that was pelting over us.

"Let's hurry and get inside!". both of us ran into the house soaked to the bone. while i tried to dry off, Wade shook himself violently like a soaked dog, making me soaked all over again.

"So anywaays, oh-! Right, I still gotta go clean up." I grabbed the bottom of my shirt and squeezed the rain out of it. Not wanting to ask about what happened this morning, I avoided his innocent stare and walked to the kitchen.

"You know… I can't help but think…" his voice said that I heard behind me.

I close my eyes briefly as I just approached the kitchen door. I opened them and once again I was looking straight into his eyes.

"That you're purposefully avoiding me." I swerved around him and immediately began picking up all the empty dishes that were lying on the table.

"I'm not avoiding you, it's just that-" I sighed as I started getting to work on washing the dishes. "I'm not much of a…talkative person."

I turned and he continued to look at me with a blank 'still-not-understanding' stare.

"Well, I'm just a naturally quiet person (as you can tell). Although I might be seen as one of those outgoing people, I'm not. I'm actually just very…..shy." I tried sounding calm but my voice cracked a bit. I felt him come up behind me and suddenly I was being spun around.

"Aww, how cute! C'mon puddin, you don't have to be so shy with little ol' me!" he easily picked me up like some small wounded puppy. "You gotta loosen up a bit doll face. Especially since we'll be together for a year" I could see he was flashing a big smile and he kept swinging me from side to side. Trying not to make a stink face at him, I tried to make a convincing glare as I wiggled my index finger telling him to come closer. Immediately his outstretched arms brought me almost nose to nose with him.

"Waaade" I said in a warning voice "put me down…"

He gently set me down and by the look of his eyes (that for some reason could always show any type of emotion that ran through him) I could tell that he was expecting some kind of "special" moment to happen between us. Still being relatively very close, I choose an alternative and smacked both sides of his face with my hands and started grinding my hands against his cheeks so that he was making a retarded fish face. He made some kind of weird sound that sounded like "ugh"

"Go take a shower; you smell worse than death." I said in a flat tone. With another light slap with my hands and a bright smile plastered on my face, I turned back to the dishes and started humming.

"What sort of crack did you smoke? I don't smell-" I peeked at him through the mirror and he took a whiff of his under arms and immediately started choking and coughing. His eyes caught mine again and I tried to hide my smile. "This is just the scent of a REAL man. A hero. A-"

"A man that hasn't taken a shower in a week; now shoo, go take a shower, Willow is supposed to be here in about 45 minutes and we shouldn't make her wait"

Hearing him grumble, I could hear his boots thumping against the tiled floor.

"Wanna join me? I'll let you play with Mr. Winkie!" he called out.

Trying not to choke on embarrassment, I replied "Thanks but I'll have to pass this time. I already had a shower"

"You sure?"

"Yes I'm sure! Now go Wade!"


	13. Her Very Own Saint Bernard

"Noooo way I am not doing that!"

"Jess I'm not giving you a choice."

She gave a side glance and shook her head silently at Willow. "I'm not posing nude."

"You're not going to be entirely naked. You'll be wearing clothes, i promise!" Willow gave her the first outfit. "Now c'mon, let's just get this over with quick"

"Willow, why are you being so mean to me?" she looked at the redhead with big watery puppy dog eyes. Slowly but reluctantly she started putting on the outfit. It was a long white sleeved body suit.

"Jess don't pull those crocodile tears with me. Maybe other people will fall for that but you know it won't work on me. I told you about this a long time ago but I'm sure you just either agreed to it on the spot without giving it any thought or you just honestly forgot. Either way you gotta do this"

"b-but Wade's out there. There are so many people out there. They'll all be watching me!" her voice quivered and tears started to rim across her bottom lashes.

"Forget about them, just ignore them. Focus on me. Or distract yourself with something else, like the beautiful scenery outside. Don't worry Jess, nothing's going to happen, I'll be right beside you"

Her heart started beating faster each step she took toward the door. "W-willow, I can't. Seriously, I can't do this!"

"Jess you can. You can do this. Now please stop crying, you're going to ruin your mascara" she gripped the doorknob hard and she could hear herself gasping for breath. "Remember, I'll be right beside you. Focus on me"

Knowing that she had no way out of this, she stopped crying and her once contorted face that showed the appearance of true fear had instantly disappeared. She closed her eyes and when she opened them, her eyes showed faux strength and confidence. She gripped the doorknob and with one last deep breath, she opened it. As soon as she was welcomed by the bright smile of the male photographer, she mustered every bit of her strength to restrain herself from punching his face back into his skull.

"So where do you want me?"

"How bout we start with you standing right in front of the window- okay good, now, relax Miss Paisley and try to have fun with this"

She saw many outlines of people's faces but her eyes caught the face of her bodyguard. With people still primping her hair and doing the last finishing touches of her makeup, her dark skin started to flame a bright red and her body felt like it was being melted under everyone's eyes on her.

She began to turn every which way, her eyes still focusing on the lens of the camera. While she was directed to look at certain places, she heard the background sounds of people talking and helping out with the lighting. She took a quick glance at the window behind her and looked at the beautiful forestry that was covering the big window.

_'This sucks. Why can't there be just the photographer and Willow? Can't those other people leave or just turn around?'_

"looking great Jess!"

I'm freezing.

She lightly touched the bottom of her lip with her fingertips

"Perfect!"

She continued on with trying on more outfits and improvising between touching her hair, tugging at the collar of her clothes, and just plain old smiling.

_'The photographer sure seems to be enjoying this' _

_'Think of something funny. Think of-dogs. noo, I don't really like dogs. okay think of-…..of…'_

Her black eyes looked for something in the room that looked funny but she couldn't help but smile and start quietly laughing at the 6 ft 2 man sitting on a small box, dressed in his complete red and black suit and drooling like a Saint Bernard.

_'Pffthahahahaha! Wade, you're not helping!' _

"okay, just a couple more shots Miss Paisley! You're looking great!"

Her back felt warm and she realized the sun was streaming in through the window. She sighed in comfort and let the hot rays of the sun beat down on her dark skin. Running her hand through her thick curly hair she looked down to cover the laughter that still wanted to burst out of her.

_'Stupid, stupid Wade! Why did I look at him! Even though I can't see his face, he looks so retarded sitting there with that mask and suit on! It's like 'casual clothed person, causal clothed person, casual clothed person, DUDE IN A SKIN TIGHT ONSIE, casual clothed person, casual clothed person, casual clothed person'_

"Beautiful!" after a couple of more shots, she took one last glance at the center of the camera lens and finally the photographer said "aannd we're done!"

She let out a sigh of relief and walked toward Willow who met her half way and gave her a bottle of water.

"Thanks Willow" she said politely

Having her assistant follow after her, she re-entered her changing room.

"Jess you looked so beautiful!"

She found her clothes and slowly put them back on.

"Jess?"

"Hm? Oh, sorry Willow, I was completely zoning out; what did you say? "

"I said you looked beautiful; you didn't look nervous or awkward and you did a great job. I saw the pictures and they all look amazing!"

"Thanks, and, well, you know how I am; I'll make a huge fuss but when I have to do it, I just suck it up and get it done. Plus it kinda helped that Wade was there. I could _not_ stop laughing at how silly he looked."

"I couldn't exactly hear what he was mumbling and giggling to himself but by the way that he was drooling and panting quietly like a dog, I can already guess it was something perverted" Willow said with disgust.

Not entirely listening, Jess clipped her long bangs back. With one last look in the mirror, she walked out with Willow beside her and was greeted with words of praise from people around her. She waved and thanked everyone and then automatically went over to Wade.

"Hi" she said.

"….."

"Wade?"

"….."

"Hello? Earth to Wade! Are you listening?"

"You think his brain melted or something? It'd be even better if he lost his ability to talk"

She lightly flicked him in the head and he snapped back into reality.

"Jeez, for a guy that was watching you for about an hour you'd think he'd be satisfied with that."

"Pfft. Quite the opposite redhead" he walked along side them as they headed out. "I will _ne-ver_ get enough of that. I'm more obsessed with breasts and thighs than any man you've ever met" he replied as he pushed paparazzi out of the way and glared at them so that they would know better than to get any closer.

"God, you have the mind of a 13 year old boy" Willow shook her head.

"Thanks" he smiled. "But I gotta tell you, there are some perks to this job other than the cash. Uh, like those. Seriously though, sweetheart, the camera is in love with you" he said "and so am I" he sighed dreamily. Jess simply rolled her eyes.

His eyes traveled down to the petite girl walking a step ahead of him. From his tall stature, he could get a nice top view of his 2 favorite fluffy mounds of warm flesh that were sadly hidden away by her shirt. She tried to cover her laughter and shook her head in silent embarrassment, buttoning up her cardigan in hopes to discourage his peeking.

_'Just keep this relationship based on pure business and nothing more'_ she thought to herself. _'Don't let your feelings overpower you. Guys will always flirt. It's just out of habit. It's not supposed to mean anything.'_

During the noisy bickering between Willow and Wade, plus the annoying shouts of the paparazzi and the undying buzzing of cameras clicking, she made her way into the car.

"And that's the problem" she quietly muttered, suddenly realizing how much she hated men. "it'll never mean anything to them."


	14. Chapter 14

"I haven't done this in months" Jess groaned out.

Vanessa laughed as she helped keep Jess' leg up while she was on the reformer. "Well you're definitely gunna feel this tomorrow"

"ahhh" she groaned out in pain. She tried to not show too much of a hideous face when she pulled her leg out for another stretch.

"You feel how your abs work, and your glutes?"

"Yeah" Jess sighed out. "Annd my vagina" she quietly muttered

Vanessa laughed again. "You're doing great, just a couple more and we'll move onto your stomach".

"Ooh, fuck" she sighed out.

"Okay, good, you're almost done! 5, 4….3!..2!..annnnd 1"

Jess wiggled her foot out of the strap and she rolled onto her tummy.

"okay Jess we'll rest later, let's just jump right into the next exercise, c'mon girl!"

"ugh, you have no pity for me right now"

"Well do you wanna stay here all day or do you just wanna get it over with quick?"

After some silence, she sighed. "fiii-nuh".

"Okay you're gunna raise your bum up in the air and just let the mat slide with your body…yup, that's it Jess, make your body form into an upside down V".

"Ow,ow,ow,ow,ow,ow! Holy fuuuuck" she quietly moaned out. Jess could feel the soreness in her butt and legs as she did another. "Wade please stop looking at me!" she snapped out in annoyance.

"Ilovemyjobilovemyjobilovemyjobilovemyjob!"

_[Boner, officially engaged]_

_Rrrrrrrrr!_

_[in case you don't know readers, that was supposed to be a seductive purr]_

"They know! Now s-t-f-u and just watch!"

"Kay Jess, finish strong with these last few and we're done for the day" Vanessa smiled as she straightened out Jess's posture again. "Okay, 5, 4, 3, 2….2 ½, annnnnndd! -"

"Vanessa you're holding out on purpose!"

"Hahaha okay, okay, and 1! Wooo you're finished!" she clapped in congrats.

"Ugh, that was flippin hard, but I feel better now" Jess got up and stretched her arms over her head. "Thanks again Vanessa, I'll call you for another session".

After hugging and saying goodbye, she joined Wade who was watching her with such a love sick puppy dog look that she simply didn't have enough energy to laugh and just wiggled her index finger to tell him to follow her. He certainly didn't show much restraint, especially when he was still mesmerized with watching her little workout.

"When's your next workout sesh?" his voice purred from behind her.

She adjusted her bag and held the door open for the both of them that led them to the parking lot. "Oh, maybe in a couple of days. Not really sure yet. Why do you ask?"

Before she could let him reply, she winced in pain and rubbed her butt "Argh, I think I just broke my ass"

"Don't worry toots, I'm really good with my hands; I could give you a message later. For you, I won't charge" he said, his voice continuing to sound hot and dripping with blind lust. Jess could feel his cheek rubbing against her cheek like a kitten demanding attention and his big hands began rubbing her shoulders. Trying not to melt into the feeling of her shoulders unknotting, she gently patted her small hand against his big hand and slipped away from his grip.

"Hmm…sorry but I'll have to pass. Remember we still have that fundraiser to attend to later. Willow will have both of our asses if she left this afternoon only to find us not there at the dinner tonight" she said as she jumped in the passenger seat while he was already in the driver's seat.

"Offer will always be on the table babe"

She smiled as she looked out the window. 'I'm sure it will be'

Knowing which roads and freeways to take to drive back to Jess's house, Wade began swerving through traffic and finally got out of the city. With the sun beginning to hide behind the clouds and Jess resting her head back and letting the wind run through her hair, she felt more relaxed.

"So…" she turned her head to him. "Not to pry or anything, but who else have you been a bodyguard for?"

"Some blondie singer. Her stage name was Dazzler. You heard of her?"

"Actually, yes." she smiled "Her real name's Alison right? I don't listen to a lot of disco but her performances are awesome"

"yeah, well, she's the only one I've ever really been a bodyguard for. But before that I -"

_[don't tell her that!]_

_(why not?)_

_[She'll be mortified if you tell her you're a mercenary]_

_(Hey, we're not bad!)_

_Yeah, as Jessica Rabbit would say "We're just drawn that way"_

_[Shut up and be serious for a sec]_

"But before that youuu…?" she urged on.

"Before that I took jobs that involved only 2 things: blood, and lots of money. And it wasn't like some fancy blood donation thing" he laughed. He glanced over at her to watch her reaction. Oddly enough, she didn't look that bothered. Realizing she was being stared at, she turned to him. "Should probably keep your eyes on the road" she smiled awkwardly.

"What's wrong?"

"You know people would usually cringe at that"

"Has the fact that i haven't recoiled in disgust offend you?"

He thought about it. "well, I've been called a sex weirdo just for walking around wearing my suit sooo…. in a way, no. I'm just surprised. Usually people who meet me or know what I do don't take quite a liking to me. Usually they ignore me. Want nothing to do with me. Which i guess makes sense seeing as how i'm not the most trustworthy and honest person."

"Well I trust you"

He laughed. "and that's based on what? not killing you yet? For taking this job? Not that i will do this- unless you give me a good reason to- but i am more than capable of killing you faster than you could blink."

"No. Based on being able to see the good side of you. don't get me wrong, killing anyone for money is wrong, but i believe that everyone has a good side to them. People haven't given you a chance to show that you are more than what you put it out there"

Something that she said stabbed a part of him and he got a bit annoyed.

Maybe pity?

He didn't know how to respond so he just leaned towards what he did best: which was acting like a child.

"For your information i have been given a 'second chance" He replied smugly.

"Yeah? And what happened after that?"

All he could remember was Theresa jumping off his bed and packing her stuff to leave.

"...didn't exactly work out."

She looked at him before she looked back onto the driveway that was leading them to her house.

"Even though you might've thought that she was the one, she really wasn't. This girl- Theresa-whatever she did to you-"

"Okay look" he abruptly slammed on the brakes and looked at her square in the eyes. "Although I am getting paid to be around you and protect you and crap, let me make this clear: don't ask questions about my life, and i won't ask about yours even though i could probably read it on _People_ magazine."

Even though she wanted to start saying how stupid he was choosing to act, she scrunched her fists and decided to stay calm.

"Fine. But let me make this clear: I happen to like you. and I think that I can trust you because you've shown me without realizing that you are not this total cold hearted mercenary. I know that deep down you can be a good person even though you think you aren't. And you know what?" she said as she got out of the car and looked right at him with a smug smile plastered on her face. "Those are my own honest opinions about you and you can't do anything to change that." Before giving him a chance to respond, she slammed the door and walked up the stairs and into her house with complete confidence.

He quietly sat in the car for a few minutes, still trying to process what just happened.

_(Hahaha! you just got your ass served by a GIRL!)_

_[Idiot. you're him too]_

_(Shut up! i am my own person and you know what? those are my own honest opinions and you can't do anything to change that!)_

_Shut. The. Fuck. Up._

_(...I'm scared.)_

_[Next scene please!]_

*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP* *we are experiencing some technical difficulties*

* * *

><p><em>(Ah fuck why'd you have to say anything?!)<em>

_[I didn't know this was gonna happen!]_

_(Can't we just go back to the last scene? AHHH NO, STOP HER! NOOOOOO, I WANNA LIIIIIVEEEE!)_

_SHUT UP!_

"You mean i have to wear a suit for the whole evening? What's wrong with wearing what I usually wear?"

"Suck it up buttercup. We both have to have to get dressed up. Now your suit's on the bed waiting for you. I'll be in my room getting dressed too."

"I'm not wearing it"

"Yes you are" she said simply and calmly.

"Nuh-uh"

"Yea-huh"

"Nuh-uh"

"Yea you are"

"No"

"Yea"

"No"

"Yea"

"No!"

"Yea"

"No!"

"No"

"Yea I am!"

"Ha I got you!" she giggled.

Not bothering to argue with him any further she slipped away from him and had already dashed up the stairs before he could complain any further. He stood there in silence, dumbfounded and still processing what he had accidentally agreed to.

"Y'KNOW JUST BECAUSE YOU RAN AWAY FROM ME JUST NOW DOESN'T MEAN YOU WON THIS! I'M NOT WEARING THAT THING, PERIOD!" he yelled, stomping his foot to emphasize his final say in it.

* * *

><p>Already in her formal dress, she smiled as she watched Wade come to meet her in the living room, grumpily messing around with the collar. Even if he was staring at her like a cat glaring at their owner for washing it, she had to admit, Wade looked good in a suit.<p>

"I didn't sign up for this" he muttered as he stared at himself in the mirror. Without saying a word, she went up to him. She tugged on his sleeve and he turned to her.

"What?" he said as he looked down at her, his tone a bit pissy but still trying to remain calm.

"Turn to me" she said quietly. Reluctantly, Wade turned to her. She got on her tippy toes and reached up to his collar, adjusting his tie to hide the knot that was sloppily made. She could still sense the tension in the air and how pissed off he still was; possibly about her bringing up Theresa and probably about the suit as well.

She sighed. "Look I'm sorry that I brought up a sore subject when we were in the car. i didn't mean to hurt you or anything. If it's any consolation, you are free to ask me anything about my life. Even if it is super personal. I give you a free pass."

"Hn"

"Wade, can't you ever forgive me?" she whimpered as she showed her genuine guilty puppy dog look.

He looked down at her, glaring at her for making him wanting to give in. Finally after envisioning himself having the upper hand and asking the most personal questions that she would have to answer in the near future, he answered her.

"..Fine"

"Thank you" she smiled. "By the way, you look pretty good in that" she said as she walked over to the full length mirror. 'Even if he is still wearing the whole red suit underneath'

"Thanks. You don't look too bad yourself" he grinned

"You don't think it's too much? i always hate going to these things cuz i never know if I'm going overboard. But guessing from the previous parties Mr. Harvey has held at his place, i can only guess it's going to be filled with expensive gorgeous looking women"

Wade was only half listening to her. His eyes glued themselves to her dark messy thick chestnut hair and how well it matched with her caramel skin. Her body looked killer in that tight one piece red dress.

"Those women are gunna have to have a tighter leash on their husbands when they see you" his voice sounded hot and from what she could see through his mask, that was only half of what he wanted to say.

_(Good god would you look at her tits! LIKE, WHAT THE FUCK!)_

_ Huguhuhuhhurrrghhhh _

_[Hands off]_

_(And we had our hands on those)_

_I've never been driven to go along with a fanfic than right now  
><em>

"But what if one does get off of their leash?"

He smirked at her through the mirror. "Then I pound them into the most creative shaped piece of crap."

"Now, now, i want you to play nice. Remember we're guests and i need to remain present until my performance is over"

"Performance? You mean you were invited to sing at his dinner whatever?"

"Yes…" she replied. "And partially because he honestly wanted me there." she murmured.

He obviously didn't hear the last part because all he said was "So is this guy like, Gandalf old or like Tony Stark old"

"Tony Stark old. I think he's mid-late 20's? he might look all cool and suave, but he acts-"

"Like a pig?"

"...I wouldn't put it that way.." she replied simply.

She took off her glasses and started rummaging through her small purse for her contacts. When she found it, she placed it on the small table beside her and twisted the caps off and leaned closer to her reflection, getting ready to put the contacts in. She stopped when she caught a glance at Wade who was still looking at her with the utmost interest.

"Uhm, not to sound rude in any way, but do you miiind?" she half laughed.

"No" he said dazed.

She shook her head in amusement. She continued with putting on her contacts.

Right on cue she heard the doorbell ring.

"That must be them." She said as she put in her other contact. She quickly grabbed her purse and trench coat. "Well, ready to have some fun?"

"Fuck yea! So is this party gunna be all Great Gatsby cuz if it is, I might be up in there doin the tootsie roll! Yup, what you're about to see might completely blow you away. I've been working on some new dance moves. It's a combination of Jujitsu, Krav Maga! Aztec warfare! and- _Kruuumpinnn!'" _he sang

"Wade, I swear sometimes i feel like i hired more of a child than an actual bodyguard to keep me safe"


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Notes: might wanna play _Karl X Johan- Flames_ for this :D The video is so weird. But at the same time, really pretty. Anyways, as Tina from _Bob's Burgers_ once said, "...let's make this kitty purr"**

* * *

><p>"Holy shiiit this is like the Great Gatsby!"<p>

They stepped onto the grounds and saw thousands of cars pouring out people that ran into the mansion, eager to dance and party till the early morning. When they walked in they entered a hallway and were met with another couple of hundred people. Finally they reached the main entrance and the room was packed full of people laughing, dancing, and stumbling over each other from the countless amounts of liquor that was provided. Aerialists hung from above, streamers hung every which way, balloons were let go and floated up to a ceiling that seemed to almost be nonexistent from the mirror that was built in. The tempo of the party changed sharply, the morals were looser, the liquor was limitless and the bass pounded each wall till the glasses and the floor itself shook.

"Lets hurry and get the-"

"FOOOOOOOODDDDDD!"

Suddenly he grabbed Jess's hand and bulldozed through the crowd.

While Wade munched on everything-and sometimes spit out things in disgust- Jess stood next to him, wanting to laugh but stood there feeling slightly embarrassed.

"I see that paycheck i gave to him in advance is _really _motivating him to do his job"

Jess turned to see Willow standing beside her, looking awfully annoyed. Willow's flaming red hair was curled and she wore a ¾ sleeved sparkly dress.

"Haha, well this is a party, so why can't we have a bit of fun? You just need to relax-Wade stop trying to steal that lady's food!" she turned to Willow and hugged her "You look beautiful by the way"

"Well anyways," Willow said in mild disgust as she watched him vacuum up the whole damn buffet "you should probably go say hello to Mr. Harvey. He's been asking for you since he saw me arrive"

"Gotcha" she replied. "Wade...Wade! WADE!" she tugged harshly at his arm

"Whamph?" he gargurled through mouthfuls of food.

She clicked her head sideways to tell him to follow her and started walking around the enormous room to find him.

Trying to get past the overly crowded room that had a swimming pool in the middle where you could step on this little walkway and stand in the centre, she pushed and slipped through the people and made her way up the stairs that was nearest to her.

When she got to the top she leaned against the balcony's railing and scanned over the sea of faces to find Mr. Harvey. Unfortunately he was nowhere to be seen so she continued on and went into through the doors that lead to the inside of his house.

She went through many hallways, seen many of his priceless pictures and artwork and other knick knacks that were probably kept for sentimental reasons. She past many extravagant and grand windows; and like walking from the city to the countryside, there became fewer people and less streamers, broken wine bottles, and forgotten clothing that lay on the floor.

Gradually, her pace became much slower and she came to a stop. Nothing moved, nothing stirred, and there was no other sound other than her quiet breathing and the ticking of a clock.

"I'm lost" she finally admitted to herself.

She sighed in defeat and walked over to a chair that sat beside a hallway mirror. She settled into the chair and leaned down to put her head into her hands. She felt like if she went any further she would only become even more lost in his illustrious castle.

In that unsettling but safe silence, from the corner of her eye, she saw something glitter. Something shined through the half opened doorway across from where she was sitting.

Wonder what's in there? She thought. She took off her heels and walked over to the door, carrying her shoes by the straps.

Very gently, she pushed the door open just enough for her to let her body slide through.

"My god" she whispered.

When she walked in, she was welcomed to a beautiful gigantic dance hall.

"Every room and hallway looks like it was modeled after the Sistine Chapel"

Gentle but warm wind wisped through the gigantic line of glass doors, blowing the long white curtains. The large bouquets of flowers that were placed all over the room caused loose petals to fall off and flow along the marble floor.

"So that's what it was" she looked up and saw a fairly big chandelier hanging from the ceiling, creating the same sort of glimmering shine that caught her eye. She walked around, admiring the flowers and inhaling their sweet scent and eventually she stood in the center of the room, not really sure what to do next.

"Hello" she said a bit loudly, testing out if her voice was echoing.

"Hello" her voice echoed back.

"ECHO!" she called out

"ECHO!" her voice bounced off the walls to reply to her.

"ECH-"

"Hey" a low voice replied

A short scream emitted from her throat and she quickly whipped around, frightened of hearing another voice. She saw a dark tall figure standing in the shadows, where the door was.

"Don't be frightened Jessica, it's only me"

A tall, handsome man with jet black hair and black eyes emerged.

"Mr. Harvey!"

"Please, Jessica, we're on first name basis here, I've told you many times to call me Christian"

"Sorry 'bout that, I keep forgetting" she smiled.

"So you're here" he said as he walked over to her.

"Yup, I am" she laughed awkwardly. All too soon the conversation kinda ended. Both could hear the background music and the loud laughter and hollering. Soon, they could hear percussion instruments begin to play and it created a slow, soft melody.

"You look breathtaking as usual"

"Thanks Christian, you look pretty good as well. Not that you never do i mean- uh, um-Well, it feels like it's been forever since I've seen you but you always look so well. How old are you by the way?"

"25" he replied while he took the advantage of her being distracted and started taking her into his arms and started to lead her into a sway. She didn't mind though, it would be rude to refuse. "Well in about...couple of weeks. You should come by then, we can hang out for the afternoon, then have dinner, maybe-"

"...you mean a date?"

"Yup- No, I mean no! I-It's just hanging out" his right hand that was tightly wrapped around her waist shifted a bit. "Just as friends" he murmured, hiding his annoyed look on his face.

"Oh...well, sure, sure! I'd love to!"

"I'll call you and we'll figure out a time and day. So how have you been doing?"

"I've been doing well...um, I just did a music video and a photo shoot"

"What about those stalkers that you've been getting? Have they stopped or just gotten worse?"

"Well Willow hired a bodyguard so hopefully it'll help"

"Bodyguard? So it's really gotten that bad huh? Is he here?"

"Yes, he is. He's supposed to be with me right now but I'm sure he's still back there...possibly trying to find me."

"Well, just be careful anyways."

"Well I know now not to walk through super crowded places, especially in New Jersey. Anyways, please don't worry about me. I know better now and I promise i'll be more careful"

"You better. I don't like you living by yourself out in the country"

"Christian I'll be fine out there. Please," she reassured him and touched the side of his cheek "don't worry"

His hand came up to grip hers and he looked straight into her eyes. His eyes became more focused and she felt that she had accidentally turned on the wrong switch.

_'Y'know, sometimes i can be a real idiot'_ she thought.

"nnnot to ruin this lovey dovey moment buuuuut i guess i want to...and just did"

Both of them jolted and their heads turned to find Deadpool standing at the doorway looking a bit tense and-to say the least- annoyed.

She slipped her hand away from him and they separated from each other. Jess felt somewhat awkward; not because she felt that she was caught doing something wrong- or she was...two timing- but because he could not have come at a better time. She walked over to Wade, trying to forget about what almost happened.

"This is your bodyguard Jess?" Christian followed behind her, his tone sounded almost similar to Wade's.

"Yeah. Wade, Mr. Harvey. Mr. Harvey, Wade" she introduced.

Deadpool slowly walked over, and both men stood there, giving the other a quick once over.

_'Jeez why don't they just sniff each other butts and start snapping at each other?'_ she thought.

"Nice to meet you Wade" Christian finally said as he offered his hand to him

"...Er, sure. Nice to meetcha too. So like, do you usually hide in shadowy places in order to talk to women or is that just the inner Edward Cullen inside you?"

"Um, I don't really know what you're talking about"

"Well I noticed that you were kinda creeping her when she started to get lost and-"

"I wasn't creeping her. I happened to be down the hall in my study when I heard someone. I didn't know who it was so I decided to go look"

"Sure, dude; whatever you say. Annnyways, I'm just here to keep an eye on her."

He nodded. "Well, i guess we should be going. I haven't be able to walk around and meet some of the people here" he offered his arm to her and quickly putting her heels back on, she entwined hers with his.

While they begin walking together, Christian took a glance back at Wade, disinterested; but from how he looked at him Wade could tell that there was something about that look that was just pissing him off. He watched as Christian tightened his hold on her and brought her closer.

Although Wade wouldn't love to just beat the shit out of that smug little pretty boy in front of her, he continued to follow them with a tightly closed mouth. His eye began twitching from how much he had to watch the little squidget flirt with her.

He took off his jacket and dragged it along the floor, not bothering to carry it properly. He rubbed his neck and tried to get rid of the painful feeling that was aching at his neck.

_(You're such a pussy)_

_Shut the fuck up_

_(All of us agree that you are being a pussy. Even Bea is shaking her head in disappointment from how moody you've been acting lately)_

_[What is your problem anyways?]_

_Nothing._

_(What are you, a dog? You're gunna sulk about her not paying attention to you? Ooo poor little Wade not being center of attention! You do realize that it's like what Willow said: she would never give you a second glance or the time of day for a psycho like you. You're just a chew toy for everyone to use.)_

_[The only reason why you're being mean is because you feel the exact same way about all this. I mean the only one that is being the biggest whiny bitcher is you so just shut up and calm down]_

_I'm not sulking about that. In fact i'd rather be at my cozy rat infested house in the gutters of New York than be in this shit mansion. _

_(...Seriously though, what are you going to do?)_

_...nothing. That's the only plan i have: Just. Do. Nothing._

_(That's the worst plan I've ever heard)_

_Well what do you want me to do huh? Do you have a fucking genius plan?_

_[...i don't know why this being talked about. There is no plan. Just a job to do. Once this year is over, we're getting our money and leaving. We're here for business. This isn't fucking Eharmony]_

_Or Christian Mingle._

_[You're not even a Christian how would that even work?]_

_I don't know: maybe wear a long white wig, old librarian glasses, and long Gandalf beard and wear a robe?_

_(Spouting "you shall not paaaass!")_

_L-O-L_

_[that's called being a wizard]_

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes: <strong>**_Woah, ho,ho! DP's gettin all jealous girlfriend. But really, they hardly know each other! _*****perverse laughter* But soon...soon! I, the evil (already-in-my-4th-year-of-high-school) crappy writer of this fanfic will begin the twisted, lemon-y lemon stuff that Ya'll have been waiting for!...**

**..more like I've been waiting for.** *_awkward silence* _

**...*runs away* **


	16. Free Pass

After Christian walked around with her and introduced her to some of his business partners, she was able to excuse herself from his circle of friends.

She walked through the crowd with Wade still following after her.

"Where are we going?" he yelled at her through the music and hollering

"Somewhere quiet, it's way too noisy. Now c'mon, hurry it up" she replied and reached back for his hand.

He took it and the two went outside, past the other massive groups of people, went through the large courtyard and went down to the small forest that was behind the mansion.

"Woow this place is beautiful" she said as looked around. The forest had a blue glow to it and with the fireflies that settled around the ground almost made her feel like she was at her own house.

She was so captivated with the stars that painted the night sky and the warm wind that kissed her cheek that eventually Wade cleared his throat loud enough for her to jump and turn to him.

"Sorry" she murmured as she quickly snatched her hand away from his. She continued to walk around and eventually went through the curtains of a weeping willow.

_[Well go on]_

_What?_

_(Go follow her)_

He took one step and hesitated. He stood there for a second, not exactly sure if he should go.

_(GO before i make you!)_

Finally, before he was gunna make his head hurt even more with how much he was thinking, he marched over and went through the curtain. She was seated on a tree stump, her eyes closed and her head leaned back onto the great tree.

"As much as I hate mosquitoes, I really do love the countryside "she said quietly with her eyes still closed.

"Really? I'm the exact opposite I hate the country" he said with brutal honesty. He walked over to her and sat on the ground. A small amused smile appeared on her lips.

"Did you grow up in the city?"

"...yea. At least I think so"

"What do you mean you think so? You can't remember?"

"Well there is this one memory that makes me think i grew up there. I remember being dragged out of a club one night by my dad"

"Do you ever talk to your parents? Y'know, just to check up on them and see how they're doing?"

"They're dead"

"I'm sorry" she replied with genuine sympathy, trying not to smack herself from being so stupid.

"Meh, doesn't matter. Though I'm sure if i called them now they would have to pay for that bill. It's pretty expensive, long distance calls"

_(expecially from hell)_

"Well, mine are too" She replied. "At least I think they are. I've been an orphan since birth. I don't know where they are"

"Did you ever find out who they were?" he asked as he pulled out the grass.

"No. Never knew them. For a while i was determined to find out but after a while of asking and asking and them always finding a way to avoid the question, i just dropped it. I guess it's better that I don't know." She laughed "I always tell myself that, but if I could meet them, I would"

"Who's 'them'?"

"My adoptive parents"

"Who are your adoptive parents?"

"Alex and Celestine Michaelis"

"Why would you want to see your real parents if they-"

"And I know what you're going to say. But even though they left me I still would want to meet them. I mean isn't that what every child wants, to be with their real parents, even if it's for a few minutes?They're your parents, your family"

Silence grew. She could hear the chirping of crickets and the soft grass rustling.

"You wouldn't?" she opened her eyes and looked down at him.

"Nope" he said simply. Without realizing his grip on the grass got tighter and he started tugging the roots out harder.

she got up and sat down on the grass with him. "So, Wade, where are you from?"

"Canada. Where the only means of transportation is riding a polar bear and we can live on bacon and maple syrup for about 11 months. Then in that one month of summer we have lots of beer to get drunk on till the next winter. Though it takes a hell of a lot more to get me drunk, on account of my healing factor"

"Healing factor?"

"Yeah. I'm able to heal from anything; bullets, slashes, puncture wounds, even beheading. Anything that has been cut off of me I can grow it back" he said, pride slightly showing in his tone.

"Then what's with the scars?"

_[i told you to cover yourself with the mask before you slept!]_

_(Opsie daisy!)_

Although she could only make out so much of his facial expressions, she could tell by his restrained shifting that she, once again, touched a nerve.

"Kinda the price I had to pay for that"

"So ultimately you can't die" she concluded. _'You can't find someone to grow old with, can't exactly leave what you've been doing your whole life, can't even move away to settle down. Just reliving the chaos, the loneliness, every day'_

He thought about Death for a second, and quickly pushed her back into his mind.

"..Yeah. But let's just skip the whole pity thing and move on"

_Hear that author? SKIP THE PITY SCENE._

_[She gets it]_

She sat there, wanting to show her sympathy. Instead she could only sit beside him in silence. Finally when she was sure her voice wouldn't crack, she said something.

"What time is it?" her voice was dry and quiet.

"10:14"

"We better head back"

Suddenly a chill came over her and she sat up, rubbing her arms to keep herself warm.

"Wade?"

"What?"

She looked down at his hands.

"What are you doing? There's no more grass and you're just digging your fingers into dirt now"

_(Trying to dig a hole to China!)_

"Trying to dig a hole to China- No, actually, Japan cuz China is sooo 5 minutes ago. So what song are you singing?"

"Can't tell, it's a surprise"

Before she could say any more, she could hear Christian calling her name.

"We better go"


	17. Psychopathic groupies

Once again, the two were surrounded by the heavy bass and cheering. Willow met up with them and they were standing amongst the crowds near the pool. Wade stood behind her and Willow was beside her.

While Christian stopped the music and introduce her to all his guests, her anxiety had come back and she felt sudden doubt and fear flood her heart.

"I- I can't do this"

"What?" Wade and Willow said in unison.

"I don't want to sing. Not in front of all these people"

"Shit, not again" Willow whispered.

"What are you talking about you've done this before haven't you? Remember the best way to get rid of fear is to picture everyone naked!"

"What? What kind of advice is that!?"

She could hear Christian calling her name and the audience began clapping. The lights dimmed cueing her time to perform.

"C'mon Jess!" Willow exclaimed as she took her hand and guided her to the pool.

"Wait, no! Wade I can't do this!" she panicked and grabbed onto the closest thing near her, which happened to be Wade. With surprisingly monster strength, Wade started to stumble.

"What the heck! Jessica let go I can't go with you!" he whispered to her.

"Jess calm down, i promise we'll be standing near you so let go of him!"

"Here, take this" before she could protest, Wade grabbed his whiskey bottle that was in one of his pouches and made her drink all of it. She choked and gagged on it but with a small push from Wade she walked on the centre aisle of the pool meeting Christian, who gave her a small peck on the cheek and left her there to start.

Not exactly sure on how to respond, Willow just glared at him in which he just shrugged.

Almost too soon she felt light headed and her whole body felt tingly and loose. She began feeling better- silly, but she felt much more comfortable.

"Heyy guys," she said as she began adjusting the mic. The crowd cheered and the sound buzzed in her ears. "Well this song is new, so you guys are gunna be the first to hear it and- yeah, hopefully you'll like it"

The crowd once again responded in cheering and whistling. She heard the music start and her vision had gone blurry. Suddenly the stage lit up and several men eagerly howled and whistled...none could blame them. She closed her eyes and began.

_"I've seen the world_

_Done it all_

_Had my cake now_

_Diamonds, brilliant_

_And Bel Air now_

_Hot summer nights, mid July_

_When you and I were forever wild_

_The crazy days, city lights_

_The way you'd play with me like a child"_

"I'm guessing from how much she is straining to not stumble she's never been drunk before" Wade asked.

"No, she does drink just not as frequently. But truthfully it's better to get her a little buzzed before a performance. She's much happier and relaxed when she's drunk"

Her dark skin was illuminated by the lights that shone down on her, giving it a warm glow. Every man burned the image of her beauty into their minds as well as how her off-the-shoulder-long sleeved red dress accentuated her lovely curves. Her hair, which Wade had assumed first was a plain brown, actually was shining red, and some strands dipped between and over her dark black eyes.

_"I've seen the world, lit it up_

_As my stage now_

_Channeling angels in the new age now_

_Hot summer days, rock 'n' roll_

_The way you play for me at your show_

_And all the ways I got to know_

_Your pretty face and electric soul"_

She walked the aisle and looked back at the orchestra, her eyes concentrating on the violins that played each string and note in unison.

_"Will you still love me_

_When I'm no longer young and beautiful?_

_Will you still love me_

_When I got nothing but my aching soul?_

_I know you will, I know you will_

_I know that you will_

_Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?_

_Dear lord, when I get to heaven_

_Please let me bring my man_

_When he comes tell me that you'll let him in_

_Father tell me if you can_

_Oh that grace, oh that body_

_Oh that face makes me wanna party_

_He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds"_

She ran her free hand through her hair and closed her eyes again, focusing on making her voice even and smooth.

_"Will you still love me_

_When I'm no longer young and beautiful?_

_Will you still love me_

_When I got nothing but my aching soul?_

_I know you will, I know you will_

_I know that you will_

_Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?_

_Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?_

_Will you still love me when I'm not young and beautiful?"_

The lights dimmed again and she vanished. In that millisecond of silence Wade let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Time and sound had resumed again. While everyone was applauding and raising their glasses, the spotlight had returned on her and Wade could see that she was smiling and bowing. Without waiting for Willow, he used his teleporter and appeared beside her.

"Ready to blow this Popsicle stand?" he said as he offered his hand to her.

"That sounds so wrong...What? Don't look at me that way, what do you expect when you've been hanging around the awesome Wade Wilson who's been cracking dirty jokes since the day we met"

Still feeling light headed, she wrapped her arm through his and rested her head on him as they both walked.

"Wade can you take me home?" she asked as she groggily walked with him and leaned on him for support.

"Sure, i'll get you home"

After that Wade walked in silence. He didn't dare move too much or ruin how nice it felt to be close to her.

_(Enjoying this?)_

_Yup._

_(haha me too!)_

_It's deadpoolicious_

_[That should totally be a band]_

_(I know right? We should have like auditions and make it into a stupid reality show with all the contestants living together)_

_Have some drama start up in that bitch_

_[Let someone get on there named LAQUACIOUS]_

_(Who's that?)_

_Ludicrous' sister?_

_[Yeah, just let D list celebs-]_

_(No they should be A listers! They're part of our band so they should be awesome)_

_[No man, D list]_

_(A list)_

_[D list!]_

_(A LIST!) _

_[Y'know what, FORGET IT! I'm not having this argument again so just get her home and quietly motorboat her boobs and go the f*** to sleep]_

_Hey that's my favorite book; a classic really. Up there with Kite Runner and my new Marvel Now! Series Dead presidents._

_(Product placement!)_

"Ding!"

_[You might wanna focus, she is drunk]_

Deadpool looked around him and realized she was gone.

"Shit, where'd she go? Oh gracious, I've lost my child!"

_[That was the worst southern accent I've ever heard]_

_(This isn't going to turn into Home Alone 2 right?)_

"No. And that was the worst movie reference ever"

_[yeah, like that made no fucking sense]_

_(...You don't get it? Cuz like the parents lose Kevin and he gets all lost and-ugh, forget it. You ruined my joke!) _

_[oh. but still, you totally put too much effort into it. Or too little..]_

_(No, it was a good joke! it just went over your head)_

"Both of you shut up. Now, to find the little chikita"

After looking in the most inappropriate places- like the roof, inside a teapot and underneath a girl's dress- he spotted her out in the driveway a few meters away silently swatting at a bush.

"Dammit- will you get over here!"

_(Now, I ain't no big city whatever, but i know her name is not dammit)_

_[That was a horrible southern accent]_

He scooped her up to make sure she wouldn't run off again and looked at the all the cars lined up.

_Aw now what, how do we get home?_

"Can I just jack a car?"

"Over here!" Willow waved him over and he rushed over, putting Jessica in the back seat and himself in the passenger seat. Just when they were able to leave Christian ran up to the driver's window stopping them from making their quick getaway.

"Hey, is Jess leaving now? Why don't you guys stay a little longer?" he asked.

"Sorry Christian, Jess is not feeling great right now. But I'll make sure that she gets better and she'll be in touch with you soon"

After a while of him trying to persuade them to stay and Deadpool mustering every bit of strength he had to _not_ shoot him in the balls –if he even had any- Christian finally nodded in reluctant acceptance and bid them a good night. Just when they were driving off, Deadpool couldn't help but laugh and waved out the window to Christian and his stupid gorgeous looking face.

"As Mr. Chow would say, 'So long gay boys!' " Deadpool yelled out

Willow nudged him while her eyes were focused on the road. "Check on Jess, she hasn't made a sound in a while"

A glint of mischief sparkled in his eyes and he sneaked a peek in the back.

_Fuck, it's too dark. I can't see her from here._

_(Then go back there)_

He shifted himself so that he was sitting backwards on the passenger's seat and started to crawl over.

"Hey! Watch where you're pointing that thing!" Will said as she focused on driving while trying to avoid his butt.

"OOPSIE DAISEY!" he said as he shoved himself over the seat.

"Jess" he said as his hands wandered around aimlessly. Finally his gloved hands felt something. Before he could figure out what it was, two pairs of hands grabbed his and yanked him forward

"Oof!" he choked out as his face collided with something. He found himself squeezed right against Jess. Her arms were completely wrapped around his neck and her legs came around his waist- well, more like his torso. Despite how crowded it was, he was pretty comfortable.

"Note to self" he said out loud "Get her drunk more often"

_[You sound like you belong on "How to catch a predator"] _

_(...that's not how I want to meet Chris Hanson D:) _

He tried to move a little further away from her but her grip suddenly got tight again

"Pools, stop str-uglling, just shuut up and-"She yawned and snuggled her head in his neck "just be my pillow"

After an awkward silence, he could feel her breathing became slower.

"Night, 'poolie"

He continued to lay there. Even though he was being used as a pillow, he didn't mind one bit. His body began relaxing, and he closed his eyes. Once again his mind couldn't help but think how well her body fit to his. If anything, she was more of the pillow to his body than he was to her. His hands shifted, wanting to wrap around her soft figure. But he dared not try; he didn't want to ruin this opportunity of being able to do this.

"What's going on back there? I hear lots of mumbling and sighing"

"Nothing you pervert, she's just sleeping" his voice sounded relaxed but had a touch of annoyance to it.

_(Watch, in the end, you'll just be friendzoned. Hahaha!)_

_That applies to you too jackass._

_(whaaa?! Seriously?)_

"We're almost there so don't get too comfortable" Willow replied

"mm" was all he said

Jessica, who was still thoroughly disoriented and feeling slightly excited and happy, dreamed about eating. Little did she know that her dreams were beginning to affect her actions, and her teeth found something to bite into. She began grazing the collarbone of her human pillow, who jumped at the sudden bite.

"Whoa, Jess you can't-"his grip on her tightened. He tried to make her stop but since he had the lust of a pervy 13 year old boy, he was doing a shitty job of refusing.

While Willow continued driving, she was beginning to notice a set of headlights behind her that had been there for a while. She had just begun to get off the highway and the car was still following her.

_[Wait, wait, wait!]_

_(Nooo! Don't do it! Remember the last time you got a stiffy in this suit? We literally had to go to the doctor's just to have him make it go back to normal. Remember how painful it was! Your body is a temple! YOUR BODY IS A TEMPLE!)_

Deadpool tilted her head up to see her face. With her leg draped over his waist, he was forcing himself not to close the last few remaining inches between their lips.

_Stupid woman with her stupid soft skin and stupid cute face and nice smelling hair and- _

To his disappointment, his small movements were enough to drowse her awake. Very lazily, she retracted her arms from around his neck and she turned over, ending their snuggling.

"No, wait, I wasn't done!" he quietly but sadly begged.

"Hey, Hey Wade! Get up and take a look at this"

With a mad huff, he shot one last glare at the brown haired girl and got up.

"Look, i don't know if it's just me, but there's this car that's been behind us for a while now. It's weird for him to be here especially since her house is pretty far out into the country and taking this route only leads to her house"

Wade looked a bit disconcerted. Before he could look behind him a sharp shooting explosion came from the back window and through the front while cutting his cheek. A scream emitted from Willow and the car began to swerve. All at once, Deadpool jumped for the wheel and was already pulling out his prized little shiny babies (D-Poolie and D-Poolie Jr), and began shooting at the idiot who thought today was a good day to piss him off.

"Willow, listen to me, keep driving. Drive like you're in a Mario kart race and don't let donkey kong get beside you or ahead of you. Also, be careful of any slippery banana peels; those can be a real bitch to clean off your wheels. OHH DAMN, DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE? JUST CALL ME THE NEXT DR. SEUSS!"

_[Seuss-pool sounds pretty cool]_

_(ain't no fool like Seuss pool!)_

_[Hey, don't be a negative nelly]_

Deadpool looked at her and even though Willow looked completely terrified, she nodded and kept her head low to avoid any bullets that could go through her head.

"Good!" he smiled and jumped over the two back seats.

_(careful, future Mrs. Wilson is still-)_

"Sleeping?" While he was imagining himself playing the super old school duck hunting game-the duck being the stupid idiot shooting at him- he looked over beside him and saw that she was out cold. He shrugged

"well at least she doesn't snore"

_[Meh, i have a feeling she's a kicker though]_

"My couch is more comfortable"

Deadpool continued shooting and reloading, and after being shot in the shoulder 5 times, seeing a crowbar be thrown at him only to miss him by several feet away, and a rubber chicken hitting his face, he soon grew tired of the game and jumped out of the car from the back window.

"SPYDER MONKIEEEE" he yelled as he landed on the hood of the other car. He did a somersault and made himself run straight through the window and tumbled gracefully into the back seat. With a twinkling glint of twisted revenge and joy, he turned to the asshole who ruined his snuggling sesh with-uh... what's-her-face…..

_[Jessica, it's Jessica you idiot!]_

Right, right, i was just checking if you knew.

_[yea right]_

With his gun stabbing the head of the driver,Deadpool started laughing like a psycho "MUAHAHAHA, I GOT YOU NOW YOU LITTLE BITC-wait…."

His eyes met the tearful scared expression of man in a yellow and green Hydra suit and a slightly less tearful expression of-well he couldn't really describe what the ugly creature looked like, but he knew it was Weasel.

"BOB? WEASEL? WHAT ARE YOU-"

Before they could say anything, he punched both of them on the head. Bob cried out in pain and Weasel just winced while rubbing his head.

" Mr. Wilson! You're alive! oh god- *sob* oh, i'm so glad!"

"Hey. We thought you were kidnapped so we-"

"SO WE PANICKED AND WE FINALLY FOUND YOU IN THAT CAR IN FRONT OF US SO-"

"-so YOU FOLLOWED ME?" Deadpool finished

the two men looked at each other, and after a moment of awkward silence, they just said

"Well, duh"

_[now, calm down. Remember, they're doing this out of-]_

_(love?)_

_[ehh...something like that]_

"ugh-I told you guys so many times i was leaving for an assignment. I'm getting a shit ton of money for this job and i'm not dealing with this now so i suggest you two make like a banana and split"

"So you're not in trouble or anything?"

"NO you idiot now stop this car so i can get out and walk 3 miles back to my beautiful future wife!" Deadpool yelled at the two as he watched the car in front of him disappear into the darkness.

Weasel drove to the curb and parked the car.

"Who is she?" Bob asked, a slight moody tone in his voice.

_Woah, jealous much Bob?_

_[Who knew bromance could be so beautiful]_

_(or creepy)_

"She's the apple of my eye, the cream to my coffee….the hot sauce to my Chimichanga" he ended dramatically.

"I didn't know you had a safe house out here"

"It's not a safe house, I'm just living at her house to keep an eye on her. Y'know, to keep her safe and stuff"

"Ohhh, so she's just part of the job. She's not actually going steady with you" Bob said, who creepily had a look of relief on his expression.

"...I...I don't even know what to say to that"

Off in the distance the three saw two headlights coming at them and Deadpool hopped out of the car. Knowing who it was, Deadpool trotted over to the driver's window and met Willow who still looked traumatized.

"Calm down, it was just a false alarm. Those two are-" He thought about the appropriate term "are my psychopathic groupies. They came after us cuz they thought i was being **kidnapped**" he turned to the two who quickly avoided his glare.

"I apologize for allowing my personal life to threaten Miss Paisley's life. It won't happen again" He finished, using his serious mature tone that often helped him keep a job. Willow on the other hand, was not exactly thrilled with what had happened and before she could chew him out, the two could hear Jessica in the background.

"Deadpool, hurry up and get in. I want to go home already" she quietly whined.

"But Jessica, he totally just-"

Suddenly they heard loud gagging followed with hurling.

Deadpool looked at Willow and with a frustrated sigh, Willow jabbed her thumb toward the passenger door. Without saying any more, he quickly got in. When they passed the other car, Deadpool directed his most coldest, psychopath stare toward his two friends and jabbed his finger at his eyes and then at the two. Not exactly sure what that meant but knew better, Bob and Weasel nodded furiously and quickly drove away, not wanting to stay near the mercenary any longer.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Okay I honestly did not know what a groupie exactly <strong>**_was_****, but now that i know I'm laughing my ass off right now. Well except for the fact that Bob might have some weird sexual attraction to DP. **

**That shit's nothing to laugh about...**

**okay, okay, it's a little funny xD **

**Anyway, I have lots of more chapters to upload, and i'm still writing out more chapters. *yawn* I'm still recovering from** **Deadpool's ****_The good, the bad and the ugly issue. _I literally cried my eyes out when i was reading that book. It did not help that when i went to Chapters, I could not refrain myself from reading it in public. So when that moment came up, I was shaking and sobbing while still trying to pretend like i wasn't crying. But let the records show that i did try to hold my feels back. **

**_**SPOILER-ish thing COMING NOW**_**

**_But fortuntely, for the people who are keeping up with the latest Deadpool comics, they knew that from now till April where he gets married, it will get better for our merc- at least i hope. From what i saw in the preview for April's issue, I kinda picked out some people that are already dead. So that alone makes me think that this is sadly another hallucination. *sigh* but it is good to have dreams, right?_**


	18. Verbal Agreements

**Author's Notes: oh god, it's 12:00 am and I'm nearly falling asleep. I need to stop doing this to myself. But for the sake of writing this, I will endure!**

**WARNING: they are going to play _Cards Against Humanity_, so it will be offensive!**

* * *

><p>"Ugh, not again"<p>

Jessica woke up on her bed. She huffed, suddenly feeling the sheets shifting and someone behind her.

"Wade, please get out of my bed" she grumbled, trying to hide herself from the sun that peeked through her curtains.

"Morning~" he purred, draping an arm over the curve of her hip and snuggling up closer to her.

She blushed at the contact but tried to keep her voice level.

"Do you not speak english? Get out" she groaned

"Noo..Noooo..I no speak english " he said in Consuela's voice. His grip on her tightened and he purred like a tiger as he snuggled his face into her hair.

she sighed in defeat "If you try anything, I'll kick you where the sun don't shine"

"Mmm, I love it when you talk dirty"

They sighed in unison and when she was finally getting back to sleep,

she felt something poking right on her behind.

the more she moved it started to get harder.

She squeaked and wiggled away from him as quick as she could

"Wha-what the hell Wade!"

"What!" he said as he got up.

"Y-Y-You can't just pop a-"

His hand pulled out the TV remote and she sat there, staring at the remote.

he threw it somewhere and flopped down back to bed.

"Pervert"

* * *

><p>"I'm soo BOOoooOOred-uh! I thought this gig would be full of excitement and action" he whined.<p>

Deadpool laid upside down on the large couch, occasionally challenging himself to do the most complex stances he could imagine and keeping himself still until he either fell off the thing or made himself get a charlie horse. After falling off 10 times, and getting 6 charlie horses in which Jessica fell on deaf ears on his silent calls for help, he finally got tired of it.

He looked over at Jessica, who was quietly eating a huge bowl of fruit while still keeping her eyes glued to whatever crap book she was reading. She sat adjacent to him, curling herself up on the loveseat. He huffed out in annoyance.

"Question: what was the most stupidest thing you ever did when you were a kid?"

she didn't answer.

"Heellloooo! Do your ears just switch off when you're reading?"

"..."

"YO, JP, I'm TALKING TO YOUUU"

She brought up a finger and he growled in annoyance. He was bored as hell and he needed some sort of entertainment other than TV.

"I swear, if you don't stop reading in 5 seconds, I'm going to pull that book away from you"

_5…_

_4…_

"I'm not joking around Jess"

_3.._

_2.._

_1-_

He lunged for her book but 1 millisecond quicker, she instantly snapped her book shut and hid it behind her.

she pulled her hood up and his eyes instantly met her eyes

"Sorry, kinda in the middle of a good part" she smiled sheepishly

"Did you hear what i said before?"

"...no."

"I said i was bored. Now lets do something _fun_…" he said in such a way that he knew would make her start flustering. He stared at her with predatory eyes and slowly sauntered over to her.

"-Let's do something that two consenting adults will most likely enjoy if not, will be completely pleasurable for both parties" he smiled, noticing her laughing nervously and her cheeks turning slightly pink.

"Wade- that's a little too close-ahh!" she said as she scrunched her eyes shut and put her hands over her face, waiting for him to do something. She didn't feel his touch, but she continued to hide her face, waiting for him to start teasing and pushing her around.

"Hakuna yo tatas, i'm over here"

she opened her eyes and saw that he was back where he was sitting, his legs propped up on the armchair and his whole body laying on the sofa with his arms behind his head. With an amused smirk on his face, she couldn't help but crack a smile that he knew was her way of saying that she hated him for making her want to laugh. Trying to hide her laughter that only made him smile wider. She sighed and shook her head, finally composing herself.

"C'mon, just laugh. Just give in woman" he smiled charmingly

"Alright...what is it?"

he chuckled. "I asked you what was the stupidest thing you ever did as a kid"

"Still using your free pass?"

"Whatta mean 'still'? I used it like, once. And you can't back out now, we had a verbal agreement"

she shrugged and smiled mockingly "Verbal agreement, right. But I could totally just say no and-"

"Wooow. I shoulda known you were going to do that. You suck"

"I'm kidding. Jeez…"

"Oh.."

She got her drink and started to get comfortable. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She just quickly closed it.

"...Okay, like, what do you mean when i was a kid?"

"ugh, Jessica, seriously!?" he whined loudly and let his head fall back on the armchair

"No, no, wait! Like, do you mean when i was a child or when I was a teenager? 'Cause i guarantee both were not as interesting as you would automatically assume"

"So you've never gotten in trouble" he said bluntly.

"Not really"

"Not even when you were a teenager? God, so I was right about you. You're just this innocent girl. Just living a monotone, and relatively "normal" life. I bet you even plan out your outfits the night before and organize your closet by colour"

She blinked and suddenly blushed in guilt "...You make that sound like it's a bad thing"

"Jesus…." he nearly laughed at how he was able to hit the nail on the head in one shot."Okay, since i'm still mentally trying to recover from that horrifying truth, next question: Invisibility or flight?"

"why-"

" Cause the Mighty Deadpoolio said so that's why, now hurry it up so we can move onto the next question- i actually thought of a really good one right now" he smiled evilly "ALSO, explanation is not necessary cause i know you'll turn my fun question into your own personal frickin essay with the whole damn full introduction and conclusion"

"ugh-...invisibility"

"...that's kinda pervy" he blinked at her

"wha-no it's not! How is that power-oh wait- _oh Wade, I don't mean it like that_! God, only guys would use it for that!"

he laughed. "Well, I'm sure you would use it for that once in a while" he envisioned her sneaking into the guy's locker room and laughing like a maniac while doing so "Like I said this morning, it's always the quiet,shy ones" he gave her a once over that she could only frown at him for.

For the next half hour, Deadpool asked her many questions- he called it "lightning round questions"- and almost every single one was either incredibly juvenile ("if 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean the fifth one enjoys it? ") or impossible to answer ("If you're in hell and get mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?") and by the time they had gotten into playing _Cards Against_ _Humanity_, she was in tears from laughing .

"hahahahaha!- That's not even funny" she sobbed, still breathing hard from laughing

"What are you talking about, i really dug deep for that one! " he laughed "Whatever, i deserve that point" he took both back his card and her card.

"that's-hahaha!- not even-oh god," she wiped a tear from her eyes and tried to calm down.

"Next one: The school trip was completely ruined by…." he looked through his cards and placed one on the table "TASTEFUL SIDEBOOB" he grinned

"...pooping out a perfect Cumberland sausage" she said as she put down her card

"...does it really say pooping? Wha- It says _shitting_!"

"What, it's the same thing! I didn't want to say that word"

"Yeah cuz that woulda made it sound _much_ classier" he rolled his eyes

"I want that point I haven't gotten one"

"NO. It's mine. It's a tasteful sideboob. You can't argue with that sideboob".

She quietly said "fine" and they moved on.

"Next: what gives me uncontrollable gas?"

"I have such dirty cards" she half laughed

"necrophilia." he finished

"...fingering"

He laughed while she covered her face in embarrassment.

"Fine, fine, you get a point" he chuckled "...that's so gross and awesome at the same time"

"During sex i like to think about…." he placed his card on the table and laughed "being a dick to children"

"That's horrible!"

"Show me your card"

"Tentacle porn" she slapped her card down proudly

"..." he stared at her and it wasn't until she noticed him staring that she started giggling again.

"What?"she smiled innocently

"And you're saying _i'm _horrible? God, it's funny hearing them from you cuz you normally don't say these things" he shook his head "Love your enthusiasm too" he teased

"my point?"

"Yup"

"Yes!" she cheered

"NEEXT: ( ) is a slippery slope that leads to ( ). I choose you! INCEST and DEAD PARENTS"

"Eww. Okay, my two are: Scrotum tickling and 2 midgets pooping into a bucket"

"hahahaha! Aw, you're getting good ones!"

"Thank you! So does that go to you or-"

"Let's just both get a point. Call it even"

"What's the most emo?" Deadpool read out loud. He looked at his cards and finally put one down "… 'a erectile dysfunction' " he giggled

"..."

"What? You've heard me say worse"

"No,no, it's not you! I just-

"Just show me already"

"...

...Puberty"

"that's very offensive Jessica" Deadpool whispered

"Whyyy!?" she whined.

"hahaha, i'm kiiiddding!"

"I had to choose that one. I have one last card and this is wayy too offensive."

"Didn't have the balls to use it yet."

"Nope."

"Well your plan kinda sucks anyway cuz you're gonna have to use it now" he said as he pulled pulled out a black card "Okay, last round: What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard? I say 'being fabulous' and i'm going to add another-"

"Hey you can't!-"

"SPECTACULAR ABS . Cuz you know what, I AM fabulous and I do have spectacular abs." he said as he flexed for her.

Suddenly her phone buzzed and before he could snatch it, she grabbed her phone just in time.

"Who is that? You're boyfwend?" he mocked

"No" she laughed "You should know better than anyone that I don't have one. It's just Willow"

She answered and put it on speaker phone.

"Hey Willow" she said happily.

"Hey Jes-"

"YO, WILLOW, WHAT UP BUDDY?"

"Ugh- hi. Anyway, just want to let you know three things: one, you have a benefit to go to on Friday- and I'll just keep reminding you till then"

"Why don't you just-"

"Two, I was able to get into contact with the headboard of the Carnival of Rio de Janeiro-"

"Oh my god, Will, did you-"

"Yup! You're going to be a part of the Rio Carnival Festival!"

Jessica squealed in delight and without thinking, grabbed Deadpool and forced her lips on his, kissing him through his mask. When she let go, Deadpool fell back onto the rug and his eyes turned to the shape of hearts.

_(woah! Them lips are hot!)_

_[hot and sweet! DAAAYUM]_

_(purrr!)_

"Guh" he sputtered as he was left on the ground, dazed and melting into a puddle of happiness.

Jessica was too busy dancing around the living room and thanking Willow over and over again to realize Deadpool was on the ground.

"You and Deadpool are leaving next Wednesday. I have some business to take care of with Micheal and other events to set up for you so I'll won't be seeing you in a while"

"Aw, that sucks. Well, tell Micheal I say thank you and give him a hug for me. I really appreciate all that you two do for me, none of these things wouldn't have happened if I didn't have you guys"

"No problem- by the way, is Wednesday good for you? Cause i know you wanna see Camilla and the rest of the girls so you'll have a couple weeks to hang out with them and see your parents and shop a bit-

"Yes, that's perfect" she smiled

"-and you'll be there well after March 4th" Willow replied happily. "So starting tomorrow, you're going to be a little busy - we have to get your shots, do some shopping, pack your bags, get everything sorted out before you leave"

"Oh, Willow, thank you so much!"

Willow laughed "You're welcome, Jess. Just remember the benefit's on Monday. Oh, and make sure you have some songs to give to me so i can pass them onto the board so that we can make sure your performance will go how you want it to. I have to get going now so I'll see you tomorrow." Willow said. "Oh and Wade?"

"Er- Something went a little wrong with Wade. Think he passed out."

"For Rio?"

"Probably. Just tell me so I can pass it on to him"

"Just tell him that I got him an apartment. So he can move in whenever, whether tonight or tomorrow. Though I would prefer tonight"

"oh…" she looked over at him, and he was still giggling and mumbling to himself. "Umm...well just tell me the adress and I'll give him my 2nd car" she felt a bit sad and sat back onto the couch. "or unless you've already given him a car and I just need to drop him off there-"

"Actually no. Nevermind. Just let him stay there for tonight"

"Okay" she brightened

"Yeah, cause I really don't need to see on the front page on my newspaper talking about how police caught him robbing Chipotle at 12:00 am. As much as he is a pain in the ass, I know he's going to be useful if something happens when we're travelling"

"Speaking of that, how is that investigation going? They did find him guilty of kidnapping, but were their first assumptions on him having more partners still going strong? I really did tell them the honest truth that I never saw anybody but him. Though he did keep me in a small soundproof room so maybe there were-"

"Not sure exactly. The guy still refuses to say anything more. But what's done is done. He's in prison now. And that's where he'll stay"

When she thought about how frightened she was when he had his hands on her, she couldn't smile anymore. She suddenly felt paranoid again. She felt the anger resurface. She closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands, trying to calm herself down.

"Jessica, try not to think about that anymore. We both know how you get when you let those nightmares get to you. He's not near you anymore, try to remember that. Don't be afraid."

"Yeah, I know. I'll try"

She took a glance over at Wade again and her heart nearly leapt out when he was sitting up and concentrating on her, his expression serious. She quickly looked down, fidgeting under his stare.

"Well, anyway, I'll see you tomorrow. Think you can handle him for another night?"

"Oh, yeah, sure. Piece of cake. But wait, you forgot about the third thing"

"Right, right! The third thing is that- well you should remember this right? About taking a quick trip to London after the benefit?-"

"Right, London. Okay, it's coming back to me."

"Right. So you only have tonight and tomorrow to rest, Monday's the benefit, Tuesday you're in London, and then we go straight to Rio on Monday."

She groaned "Okay. See you. I might sleep in tomorrow, so just let yourself in. You know where the key is right?"

"Yup. Take care"

"You too. Bye"

She hung up and put her phone down. She couldn't help but remain silent and let her thoughts wander into the dark abyss of what happened between her and her captor.

"You okay?"

She looked over at Wade, who was staring at her with what might have passed for a look of concern- or, curiosity- she couldn't tell with him always wearing that mask.

"Yeah, I'm fine" she smiled. "What time is it?"

"8:00"

She gasped and quickly stood up "Shoot! It's already 8?-"

"Hey you still have one last card to dish out!"

"Oh right"

She sat back down beside him and smiled at him, hoping he wouldn't ask about _it_. To her relief, he didn't ask, and only cleared his throat dramatically. " 'What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard?' " He read again "Go ahead,".

She suddenly covered her laughter with her mouth and he looked at her, very confused.

"What?"

"I don't wanna say it...can i just show you?" he scooched over to her and took her card. Jessica watched as his face went from humorous to confused to slightly disturbed to bursting out laughing.

"Pffthahahahaha!-what the _hell_!?" he looked at her with an amused but shocked expression on his face. "...oh my god! I-I-I'm done. You win. I am so done." he laughed silently and gave her his card "Jesus, woman, _who are you_!?"

"That's why i didn't want to say it! Don't judge me on this game! ugh, just forget about it. Now, c'mon. I'll whip us up something quick. You must be starving," she said as she went to the kitchen. She couldn't help but smile when she could hear him stifling his laughter as he followed after her.

"Oh god. I love that game. We are totally playing that again. 'Cept, maybe next time we'll make it more interesting, like betting money- or _clothes_."

Rolling her eyes, Jessica walked in the kitchen and took out some bowls and other stuff.

"You don't have to do that. I'm pretty sure I have a burrito or hot pocket somewhere wedged in this thing" he patted down his suit with his hands as he followed after her.

"No, c'mon, I'll make us dinner." she insisted

_[I just realized something. Salome is writing a trap for us]_

_tell me about it. A beautiful, shy woman who cooks for us, is nice to us and actually gets along with us? This is definitely a trap- _

"-Besides, this morning i left the kitchen for 5 minutes and came back with you trying to extinguish the fire you made. And that was just you making cereal. I still don't know how you managed to do that" she laughed as she bent over to gather all her hair and tie it back.

"Must...resist...trap..goddamn you author! Don't..look-okfineonelook" he quickly burned the image of how voluptuous her-

_[damn, this is Fan fiction .com right? Gotta keep it tame kids, sorry!]_

_(snap out of it mister, she's turning around again!)_

Before she noticed, he quickly snapped a picture of her with his phone and went back to looking completely innocent.

_[seriously dude?]_

"readers, don't you fuckin say anything! Especially you Noble!"

_[how could they? They can't say anything. Only you can talk to them]_

"Well GOOD. Let's keep it that way."

"There," she said as she stood straight and rolled up her sleeves "Alright, you hungry for anything in particular? Or do you want-"

_(another kiss? Yes please!)_

_[yum]_

"How about another kiss? Except maybe this time we can keep it for more than 3 seconds" he said, still a little starry eyed.

She blushed "I-I don't think-"

"Noo, c'mon! You, me and the readers were dying for this moment to happen. All I want is a kiss," Not wanting to move, Jessica gulped and slowly made her walk herself over to him.

"Just a siiingle kiss" he murmured, closing his eyes and puckering his lips out to her. Suddenly his heart was thumping hard, fast and he could hear it all the way up to his ears. His feet wriggled, showing how impatient he was getting.

_Ohh, c'mon, big money, big money! People, I think it's safe to say that we are officially starting the lemon-y lemon part!_

_[Okay, just completely ignore the statement where I said we were keeping it tame...]_

"do your magic and leave me as a mushy puddle of love" he said dreamily. Suddenly, he felt his face being caressed by her soft hands and the lavender smell from her only made him more dizzy. Instead of feeling a pair of warm lips on his mouth, he felt it on his cheek.

Confused, he opened his eyes and she was already scurrying away from him, silently getting back to work.

His heart-and more importantly his machismo- plummeted head first into the concrete. He blinked and suddenly he was more confused than that time he bought a boat back in Russia and as soon as he started it, it started beeping and sunk into the water.

_[You still believe it was broken? It wasn't defective, they told you it was a submarine!]_

"Uh, what just happened? Did you just-"

"Sorry Wade," she said, not looking at him "That's the most you're going to get"

"but-"

"You said you like Mexican food right?" she said, her smile returning again. Knowing that she was closing the discussion, Deadpool's expression turned from stunned to pissed.

"...Yeah." he muttered as he turned away from her.

_that little-! That was so not cool how she totally kissed us!What was that all about in the living room! And- and now she's backing out? She thinks she can use us like a chew toy?!_

_(oh hell naw, this girl is goin' down like a sack of potatoes!)_

_[woah, calm down. Remember we're getting paid to keep her **alive**]_

"Tom Hansen was right," he muttered under his breath, lightly scratching her table with one of his marine corps fighting knife "women are evil, teasing, manipulating, miserable-"

Jessica placed a couple of plates in front of him, and his mouth nearly watered when he was staring down at the most succulent, juicy, lip smacking, tacos, enchiladas, chimichangas and-

"Even an artistically decorated plate of nachos?" his voice quivered.

"It's been a while since I've made Mexican food, so hopefully it tastes as good as it looks" she said as she placed some sour cream and several bottles of hot sauces that ranged from mild to extremely hot. "I even found some peppers for you to eat if you really like them with your food"

He didn't know what to say, he had never had someone make him a warm home cooked meal before. But anger still pulled him back. He still didn't want like her. Just because she was pretty didn't give her the right to-

"I'm guessing you're one of those guys who likes the high when they eat the hottest peppers. Luckily I found some Trinidad scorpion peppers and if you really want to go to cloud nine, i got a couple of Ghost Peppers"

So like our mercenary was saying, Jessica was-

"...

…..

….

…

.

.

.

..awesome"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes: <em>Cards of Humanity<em> is awesome. Btw, can you just not WAIT till the DP April Issue?! I seriously am dying everyday I am told to wait till April! **

**Also, I really think Eleanor is alive there i said it.**

** I have much faith in the writers that they are not total sadists and will definitely give DP his daughter back. I really hope they physically depict her with more of her mother's looks- Y'know, cuz Carmelita is hispanic- or, at least she _looked_ hispanic- so I hope they kinda lean toward the dark skin and black hair. I mean, am i the only who would find it adorable to see his cute daughter as not the typical blonde haired white girl? Sorry if i'm coming off as racist or something but you gotta admit, most of the women in comic books are all white. Sure, they're very pretty, but it would be a nice change to see more colored women from different countries being apart of the comic world. I better restock on ice cream and boxes of tissues cause i guarantee I will be crying for both the wedding and the father- daughter reunion. **

**...*sigh* As you can tell, I don't really have a life. Just a girl sitting at home with her cat writing her little heart out.**

**...**

**...**

**...I need some sleep.**

**Night folks.**


	19. Holy Crab Nuggets

**Author's Note: I was listening to ****_Say something_**** by A Great Big World and ****_claire de lune_**** as well as listening to songs by MajesticCasual when i was writing this, so it's about to get all serious up in here. My inspiration also came from the first(?) X men movie, Y'know when Wolverine wakes up with his claws in Rogue's stomach? Yeah, that part.**

* * *

><p>Jessica woke up to the sound of an animal growling. At first she thought it was a dog. But she reminded herself that she didn't have a dog. Her eyes felt heavy, and refused to open. Her body creaked and ached with each movement.<p>

She tiredly turned to her clock and finally opened her eyes. It read 4:00 am

Still trying to remain conscious, her ears picked up anything that would confirm she was still not dreaming. Suddenly a loud bang was heard and she sat up. Suddenly another bang followed by a momentary talking. She couldn't hear what he was saying, but his tone was angry, a tone she had never heard come from him. She reached over to turn on her bedside lamp and stared at the wall where she heard the noise. Quietly, she got up and walked closer to the wall. The cold air touched her skin and her flesh became slightly prickly from the goosebumps. She pressed her ear to the wall and listened.

"-_No more…I can't do this anymore_"

She knew he was asleep. He couldn't still be up. He said he was going to sleep right after one more episode of Golden Girls and that was 6 or 7 hours ago. Plus, she heard his footsteps pass her door last night and go into the guest room beside her. Her heart nearly jumped out of her when she suddenly heard a loud crash and him yelling "_LEAVE ME ALONE_" .

'_He's having a nightmar_e' she concluded in her mind. Jessica quickly went to her bathroom and washed her face, hoping the water would wake her up a little more.

"Hopefully he won't elbow me in the face when I do this," she said as she put on her shorts and walked out of her room. Quickly adjusting her long, loose off the shoulder shirt, she stood in front of the room that he was in and glanced down at the bottom of the door. She didn't see a light on. Again, she heard heavy breathing, like he was gasping for breath. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She gripped the doorknob and very carefully, opened the door wide enough so that she could slip in. She couldn't see much, but with the curtains open she could see him still in his bed. His blankets were a mess and the nightstand was toppled over. While he was still murmuring and saying things that made no sense, she walked over to his bedside and fixed the nightstand. She turned on the small lamp that was placed on the table. When the light came on, she saw that he still wore his mask on when he slept. Though she could only make out so much of his face through that mask, she knew that he was deep in a nightmare.

"-want to die.-no more…._Death...just want to go hom_e" he continued to toss his head, a look of pain coming over his face. His breathing got more shallower and she could see his chest was quickly moving up and down.

As much as Jessica was curious about what it meant, she knew she shouldn't read too much into it. Still, it had to have meant something. Shaking her head, she cautiously moved closer.

"_Don't touch her. don't fucking touch he_r!"

"Wade…" she placed a hand on his shoulder.

"So beautiful. **Eleanor**." his voice was weak, his throat made a choking sound.

"Wade..!" she shook him a bit harder

" …..Eleanor!"

"Wade, wake up!"

"_Eleanor!_"

"WAKE UP!"

Suddenly something triggered her to move and in a split second she slammed her eyes shut and ducked. All she heard was the sound of a bullet being shot-the sound was so loud and sharp that she thought her hearing was permanently destroyed. She could hear the sound of her heart pounding through her veins and she held her breath.

"...Oh shit,"

Jessica looked up through her messy hair, and looked up at him,staring into his eyes. Before she could do anything, she was pulled into his arms. Her chin rested on his shoulder and with his arms tightly wrapped around her, she could barely move.

_"Oh my god, Jessica, I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to-I…_"

Still trying to process the fact that he was so close to shooting her, she was too shocked, too stunned, and felt sad to even say anything. In the heat of the moment, she wrenched herself an arm's length away from him-

"_Jessica, I was just dreaming. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didin'tmeanto-_"

-and simply gave him a solid slap in the face. She didn't say anything, and hoped it would make him stop blubbering and trying to make up excuses. It did. He didn't say anything, and didn't bother to turn his face back to her.

She knew well enough what it was like to wake up to find yourself hurting someone. And like what Willow did to her when she used to have such vivid nightmares, she buried his face in the crook of her neck.

He still didn't respond.

Trying to steady her breathing, she rested her hand and caressed the back of his head in a comforting way.

To her relief, he finally answered and brought his arms around her waist. She could feel the burning heat that was emanating off him, indicating that he was still sweating and panicking.

She could feel his heart beating hard against his chest and she felt something warm and wet on her neck- she knew the liquid that touched her throat was not drool- from the silent shaking of his body, she knew well enough he was still biting back the emotions from his nightmare. Still, she kept silent and brushed her lips against his skin once.

She knew there was nothing much she could say that would help. Instead, she let her eyes close, and paid attention to how tight he was still holding on. Eventually, his grip on her softened, letting her know he was done. His shaking had stopped, his body cooled, his breathing slowed.

Her heart beat a little faster, she didn't know what to say or do next; but she finally pulled away, far enough so that she could breathe better but she was still in his arms. She cupped his face with her hands, and looked at him. She remained on his lap, and tried to catch his eyes, but he stayed quiet. His eyes trailed up the rest of her body, and but he refused to meet her gaze. Very slowly, his hands went up to hers and gently put them down.

_'he doesn't want to talk about it now. Leave it for some other time...''_

"C'mon," she said softly, getting him back into his bed. While he laid there, he turned and watched as she slipped into his bed, turned to the bedside lamp and turned off the light. With a soft click, the light vanished, but with the moonlight still streaming into the room, his eyes still watched her as she laid her head on a pillow. She moved closer to him. He turned to her, and put his right arm under his pillow.

"Sleep" she said, her dark eyes opened and stared at him.

"What if I do-"

"You won't."

"You don't know that"

"You won't. Trust me. If you keep me safe, I'll return the favour." she whispered, her dark eyes following her fingers that traced his other hand that rested between them. "Don't worry, I'm here" her eyes looked up at him, and his eyes instantly avoided hers.

"Sleep" she murmured; and almost like falling under a spell, his eyelids began to droop. He tried to keep awake. He didn't want that to happen ever again. He was scared shitless that he might wake up again to find himself holding a gun to her head, but the more she traced and soothed his nerves with her fingers, and softly sang to him in a different language, he felt himself slowly losing consciousness. The last thing he saw was her, and for once in his life, he was able to sleep soundly for the rest of the night.

* * *

><p>Humming contently, Willow walked up the stairs and put the key into the lock. Very quietly, she went in and slipped out of her shoes and put them neatly to the side.<p>

She looked at her watch and read 12:00 PM.

"She's probably still sleeping." she sighed. Unexpectedly, she heard talking and music coming from the kitchen.

"Careful, it got on me"

"Fuck, why would it turn all of a sudden!"

"S'okay, I'll just eat it"

"Mmm, eat me please"

"...Uh, yeah, I don't think so"

Willow walked into the kitchen and saw Jessica going through the cabinets as Deadpool stood at the counter with a pink apron on, a huge chef's hat on and using a hand blender to mix something in a bowl.

"_You're so fine! loose my mind_," He nodded his head back and forth as he continued to blend the stuff in the bowl. "-_and the world seems to disappear,_ _All the_-Oh haay, Willow! How you doin'?" Deadpool beamed at her sudden entrance.

"Er...Hey" she said awkwardly, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"Oh, Willow, Good morning!"

"It's 12:00 Jess" Deadpool said

"I mean good afternoon!" she smiled

She looked at Deadpool standing there, still slightly nodding head to the beat and looked at Jessica who was reading something from the cake box.

"What are you guys doing?" she said slowly as she sat on the counter stool and put her bag on the other stool.

"What does it look like we're doing? We're making-" he inhaled and sang "_memorieess~~!_"

"Whaa? 50 ml, that's like nothing!" Jessica said, still reading the box.

"You're nothing" Deadpool added before laughing. Jessica, who already knew that his teasing towards her was mean but always joking, simply rolled her eyes and focused on the instructions.

"Okay so since we're making more than what it says on the box,...I think we just have to multiply everything by-"

"Dude, fuck math just slap in a chunk full of everything" he frowned

"No, what if the frosting comes out too runny?"

"As long as it's doesn't come out like cottage cheese, I'm sure it'll be fine to eat" Deadpool commented and turned off the blender. Jessica stood beside Wade and got out some spoons.

"Okay, so let's just use these to scoop the cupcake mix- Wade lick the batter off the beaters- and we'll just somehow put them on the griddle"

"Mmmm, yeah, that's good" he drooled as he exaggeratedly but seductively licked the batter. "Hey, hey look. You like this Jess? _Mmm_"

"Do you wanna do the pancake part or are you just gonna keep raping my kitchenware?" she replied, not fazed at all by it.

"Depends. This turning you on?" he waggled his eyebrows suggestively as he continued to lick the beaters while keeping eye contact with her.

"Yeah. Especially since you're suggesting you like taking two long rods at the same time"

He immediately stopped and realization dawned on him. "Shit."

"See, I knew you were-"

"I'M NOT GAY..no matter what those fangirls on Tumblr say or my comic book writers draw, I AM NOT GAY" he said "...though it is a little fun to play the part"

"Sure. Now, hurry up and do this for me"

"Mmm, yeah baby, I'll_ do_ that for you- Ow! Okay, okay!" he winced as he felt her kick him from behind. While Deadpool poured a small portion of batter onto the griddle, Jessica shook her head in amusement and went over to go talk to Willow. Not bothering to eavesdrop, he focused on letting the batter bubble and occasionally flipped them.

"I love the smell of pancakes in the morning!" he declared as he flipped another.

_(it's the afternoon)_

"Whatever"

_[You're in a good mood]_

"Can't help it." he sighed "Guys, I think this is the start of a beautiful relationship" he glanced over at Jessica who was still talking with Willow. He sighed again, watching her eyes sparkle in that corny fan fiction way that _-year old girls could write for their fellow fan girls.

"the senpai has fallen for the schoolgirl" he placed another finished pancake to the side "_And I'm the schoolgirl_" he said dreamily.

_[To be honest, I think you're jumping into this too fast]_

"T-B-H, I think you should shut up"

_(What if it doesn't work out? You barely know each other)_

"Why can't you guys just be happy for me! _Ya'll are just jealous bitches_!"

_[*sigh* she could just be playing you.]_

_(Or worse, what if she honestly doesn't see you that way? FRIENDZONE IS WORSE THAN HELL ITSELF)_

"I love her!" he sobbed dramatically.

_[Whatever. Just do me a favour and at least-]_

"Take her out tonight? Sure" he grinned. "_I can show her the Worrrld~!_" he sang. "_Disney don't sue us for uuuusing thiiis! We're just using the melody, nothing else so inyourfuckinface- A WHOLE NEW WOOORRLD!_"

_[that did not fit]_

_(that's what she saaai~iid!)_

_[ugh, stop singing! both of you!]_

"Wade you're burning the pancakes"

"_Gonna take her to a monster truck ralle~y_!"

"I'm gonna kick you again"

* * *

><p>"Alright, alright, back off you guys. Especially you! Yeah, you with the stupid hawaiian shirt- back the fuck up. Don't make me hit you with the ugly stick!- Actually you're already ugly...I wonder if the stick would do the opposite and turn you into some weird but oddly handsome guy like Elijah Wood?" Deadpool said as he started going for his left katana. Instantly the Hawaiian t-shirt guy backed off and when he was far enough away, he yelled something insulting that Deadpool didn't catch. He only knew it was directed toward him because all the other photographers laughed with the Hawaiian guy.<p>

Deadpool blinked, then laughed mirthfully. But in seconds a psychotic flare rose in his eyes and he started stomping over to the guy. Right between the guy screaming a shrilly girl scream and Deadpool grabbing the guy's collar, Jessica intervened just in the nick of time.

"No, no, Deadpool! C'mon, put him down," she smiled, trying to make him put the guy down. Deadpool looked at Jessica and then up at the guy who was sweating and and trying to get himself out of his grip. Hawaiian guy was fairly high off the ground, and the more he struggled the more he was putting himself up for a bad and possible bone fracturing fall.

"Deadpool," she touched his bicep and his attention went back to her. "Pleeease?" she said sweetly. All the photographers around them kept snapping pictures while Jessica was still holding her breath, hoping he would just drop him.

"Alright, fine. Tell you what i'm gonna do for you buddy," and evil smirk appeared through his mask

"oh god," her smile faded and she knew by that look in his eyes he was going to do something that would definitely make it on the front page of every newspaper.

"Since I'm in such a _fantastic_ mood today, I'm going to let you off the hook!" he let go of him but mid fall he caught him again.

"However, I know you and your little friends here are not exactly fast learners- especially when just given verbal warnings- So just a mini lesson for all you people who want to become like _this_ guy and actually attempt to grope a lady in broad daylight while taking pictures of her-" Deadpool flipped the guy and balanced him on his foot. Like a soccer player bouncing a soccer ball on his foot, he bounced the guy from one foot to another, watching in amusement as he made weird short little girl screams."I suggest you _don't_. Now unless you want me to hold your hand, skip with you to the cemetery, watch you dig your own grave and shoryuken your ass all the way down to hell so you can listen to the Trololo guy sing for you for eternity," Deadpool finally kicked the guy off his foot and sent him flying to the curb of the sidewalk. "I SUGGEST YOU G-T-F-O" Deadpool yelled.

With the Hawaiian guy landing on the curb with a loud and crunching thud, the photographers were already running to the other side of the street. Some decided to just completely disappear, while others thought it would still be okay to take pictures from 20 feet away.

Jessica sighed and ran her hand through her hair as she watched all the bystanders stare at the three. Willow couldn't help but smirk. Jessica quietly turned around and continued her walk down the street. Deadpool and Willow followed after her.

"Did that suit your tastes Willow? Toldja I could handle it on a professional level" Deadpool smiled charmingly at Willow.

"That guy deserved it" Willow admitted as she looked back at the guy slowly picking himself up.

"See Jess? Willow's on my side- she saw what that that guy was going for. _And you're welcome_"

"You coulda just stopped his hand. You didn't have to do all that" Jess muttered as she walked ahead of them.

"S'cuse me? He was going for YOUR ASS. I'm your BODYGUARD. Meaning I'm GUARDING your BODY. That includes your ass" Deadpool said as he glanced at her tight jean clad bottom. "and bewbs too" he said under his breath.

"_Sorry for just doing my job and keeping you safe_" he said a little louder

Jessica stopped and realized how ungrateful she was acting.

"I-I know. Sorry" she hung her head.

Deadpool stared at her genuine regretful expression. Then he burst out laughing.

"Oh my god, you are just_ too_ easy"

"Wha-"

"Ugh, Deadpool, please stop" Willow shook her head.

"No, sorry, it's just- you're_ adorable_! This is not even your fault and you're making it out to be like that! Hahahahaha!" He laughed.

Jessica was speechless but quickly composed herself. Feeling frustrated and not knowing what to say, she whipped around and stomped away. She angrily muttered and tried not to let her ugly, short tempered Colombian woman side of her come out. She knew she was making this out to be more dramatic than it needed to be, but whenever she was being messed around like this, she couldn't help but adopt to her mother's stubborn, tiger-like personality.

_"Ugh, Deadpool, I swear, sometimes i just wanna take your- big dumb, DUMMY head and just!_-"

"You okay JP?"

Jessica whipped around and flashed a angelic smile at Deadpool. She knew that he was only smiling that much because he knew how much he was getting to her. Her mother was right, she needed to start paying attention to how she walked when she was upset. Willow might not have noticed, but since Deadpool was always with her all the time, he had the full advantage of knowing when she was forcing herself to keep calm. And already having that power over her, he was a force that only made her stubborn attitude to remain calm and happy actually start to stretch.

"Yes, I'm okay!….Why do you ask?"

He shrugged, a knowing smile still on his face.

"Hey Jessica, we're here!" Willow said as she walked up a set of stairs up to the small boutique.

"Thank god" she muttered. While Willow walked in, meeting the salespeople and already getting the boss of the boutique, Deadpool tried to get Jessica's attention, but she quickly raced up the stairs to avoid his evil smile.

"Ah, she's just so _fun_!" Deadpool chuckled as he followed behind, feeling more relaxed than ever.

* * *

><p>"So how is it fitting Miss Paisley?"<p>

"U-Uhm, It's okay I guess…"

"Do you need help?"

"Yes, thank you"

Deadpool sat on the round sofa bed that was shaped into a heart and watched as the dressing room door Jessica was in opened. She didn't come out but she let the saleswoman come in and the door closed again. Willow was a few feet away from him, looking and browsing at all the clothes with the rest of the groups of women who were shopping.

He let out a loud sigh and fell back on the cushy furniture.

"Are you there God? it's me, Deadpool. Look, I know we might not be the bestest of friends, but do you think you could do one thing for me? It's just one little ol' favour to do for your favorite mercenary," He looked at all the other men, who looked bored to death as well.

"_Please, PLEASE, kill me now_!" he whined as he rolled side to side.

_[Sorry man, I think he's on the other line. Just gonna have to leave a message again]_

"He didn't even return my last call!"

_[Dude, he's a busy man. Give him some slack]_

"I HAVE been! Why do you think he's still frickin up there on his cushy little clouds. He's too busy answering Spidey's little pleas for help! I don't ask much from this guy, but the least he could do is, I don't know, send me a gift basket for all the calls he's missed!"

_(Do you even believe in God?)_

"...ugh, don't make me think more than I have to" Deadpool tiredly got himself up. While he looked around, he met the eyes of another guy who looked like he was also ready to fake a heart attack just to get out of there. Deadpool shook his head tiredly at the guy and formed his hand into a gun and put it up to his head.

"Bang"

The guy chuckled and slumped more into the chair, closing his eyes. "Same. I'm thinking the exact same goddamn thing too, man"

Deadpool smiled bitterly and looked at all the women in the store.

"This is hell. Maybe worse. And all these women don't even look human. They actually look like they come from hell. Their skin is overly tanned, wearing huge sunglasses, they have bleached blonde hair, they all wear clothes that are waaayyy too young for them. Not to mention that whenever they turn their body completely disappears. I'm pretty sure they're all a mix between an oompa loompa and a really skinny lanky Sarah Jessica Parker."

_(it's like somewhere in the world some kind of underworld government had its scientists do an experiment and these things were the result. Then they let them out into the wild and here they are now. Free to roam and destroy a man's life)_

_[it's one thing to kill a man, but to actually trap him and let him stay alive and suffer for eternity?]_

"That's my job. The killing part I mean"

_[keeping another man alive is just another merc job gone down the drain]_

"That ain't right" Deadpool straightened up, glaring at all the Oompa loompas. "They're basically stealing all the dough!..." a psychotic look flashed in the mercenary's eyes.

"**I must kill them**"

Before he could grab the katana strapped to his back, he heard gasping and he turned his head to where all the saleswomen were gathering.

"Oh Miss Paisley, you have to come out and see how you look!"

"I'm n-not sure. I don't think this is really my style-"

"But just come out and see how you look!"

"Yes, yes, just see how beautifully you fit that dress!"

_[What's going on?]_

"How should I-?"

Deadpool stopped mid sentence when Jessica walked out.

Jessica was escorted to the large wall sized mirror and took a quick look at how she looked in the mirror. She wore a body hugging long ankle length black dress that had one long sleeve that covered her right arm. The dress exposed part of her right hip and had a teardrop hole that reach from her right arm down to her exposed cleavage, but left enough fabric to make every man in the store turn and stare.

"Th-this is a little too-" she blushed and dared not look at Deadpool's reaction.

Jessica tried to focus on breathing evenly and just in the nick of time, Willow appeared.

"Wow, Jessica you look amazing!"

She laughed nervously. She could feel all the hot stares of all the men behind her. This is definitely not the dress. She felt all the hungry gazes of each man in the store staring her down. She was literally going to faint if she did not get back in that fitting room. She could hear some of the women whispering angrily at their husbands.

"Oookay, I think I'm going to pass on this one"

"Wha, really Jessica? You don't like this one?" Willow said as she straightened out the dress. She walked around Jessica and looked suspiciously at her. Finally she realized what was the problem.

"Jessica, c'mon, you're 24 years old, you do know you're allowed to wear things that are more than just cute, right?"

"Yes, I know that! It's just I'm not used to_ this_ kind of attention!-" She whispered to her

"C'mon you gotta get used to looking the way you look. In fact I'll help you right now- Hey Deadpool!-"

"No Willow,_ stop!_" Jessica whispered to Willow. But it was too late. With all the saleswomen smiling, the wives and girlfriends scowling at her, and the rest of the men behind Deadpool whispering and smiling to each other, Jessica kept her head down as she was guided toward her bodyguard.

"She wants a third opinion. Think she should buy it?"

Deadpool didn't answer at first. He was too busy still looking her up and down. Her curvaceous little figure looked mouth watering in that dress. Her dark messy wavy long black hair made her dark almond eyes stand out even more and his hands were itching to touch her body.

"..

.._Holy crab nuggets_" he whispered, his eyes wide and unblinking.

Her blush nearly faded when she heard those words. Her mouth twitched and suddenly she couldn't help but let out a sweet laughter.

"See? He likes it! Now stop being so iffy about it and let's try another dress on, okay? Now you keep that one with you till we're done here" Willow smiled. "I'll even go out and choose one for you if you don't feel like going out there now"

Jessica, who was still wiping a tear from her eye, smiled and simply nodded, letting Willow walk out and leave the two there.

Forgetting about the men who were still staring at her, Jessica sighed and still stood in front of him, watching as his eyes were still glued to her hips and waist. Deadpool couldn't help but continue to stare at her. He watched as she settled herself beside him, staring at her as she closed her eyes and hummed the song that was playing throughout the store.

"Seriously though, tell me what you think. Too revealing, isn't it?"

his eyes caught the slit that ran up to her hip, giving his hungry eyes a nice gaze at her smooth copper toned leg. Suddenly he imagined himself kissing her inner thigh, letting his mouth kiss higher and higher, till he reached-

_[Say something dammit!]_

_I think my mouth went numb. All the blood's going down to my-_

"This is why I don't like shopping sometimes," she said as she lazily glanced over at the women who shot her ice cold glares. "I don't even _know them,_ and yet they already hate me" She turned to Deadpool, her dark almond eyes stared straight into his, making him snap out of it.

"I don't look very good do I? I mean, I look more like a slut"

"No! No, Jessica, you look…" Deadpool cleared his throat and licked his lips "like a woman"

She blinked and smiled, amused at his response."Well I hope so, otherwise-"

"No, I mean-ugh... Jess, you know what I mean. "

Jessica showed a small smile. "Well, I'm actually glad you didn't say something like _sexy or hot. I've had too many people call me that, and honestly, it just brings back the worst of memories for me"_

Deadpool looked confused.

"Er-What?" Suddenly he felt the air shift and she looked toward the floor, her hair sweeping over her sides and covering her face. "What do you mean by that?"

"Jessica! I found some more dresses!"

Before he could ask any more, Jessica was already smiling again and looking at all the dresses Willow had found.

He continued to sit on the couch, looking weirdly at the dark haired girl.

"Noble, should that mean something or…?"

Yes, it means something.

[_I suggest you ask her later about it. Maybe, say, like in the next couple of chapters?_]

-But for now, just enjoy your private little show.

"_Private_?" Deadpool turned around and saw the line of men still drooling. "_this_ is not very private. Get rid of'em"

Fine.

Having enough of their husbands drooling over Jessica, the women snatched up their men and left the fitting room, leaving the saleswomen to focus mainly on the dark haired girl.

Better?

"_Much better_" Deadpool sighed as he continued to watch her.


	20. The Date?

**Author's note: I'm sorry but I really wanted to open with this xD On a more serious note, I also apologize If i'm taking each chapter kinda slow. I know we're doing this day by day, but I want to build this up for the climax of this story. :3 **

**hopefully you get the reference that I wrote in the first paragraph, hehehehe! **

* * *

><p>"Look, Jessica. I know this may seem a little sudden but I've been giving it a lot of thought. You're the woman I've been waiting for my whole life and I'm <em>not<em> ashamed to admit it... Wait- let me finish._ I'm crazy about you._ I've never felt this way about anybody before." he laughed nervously "Listen to me, I feel like a schoolboy again! A schoolboy who _desperately wants to make sweet, sweet love to you_" he said darkly and seductively. Suddenly he grabbed the back of her head and passionately forced his mouth on hers.

Then the door opened and he bolted up.

"Oh, I thought I heard you talking to someone" Jessica said

"NOPE, MUST'VE BEEN IMAGINING THINGS HAHAHAHA" He laughed nervously, looking incredibly ridiculous as he tried to compose himself. Jessica looked at him suspiciously, but quickly dismissed it.

"Just give me a second and we can get going" she said as she brushed past him and went to go get her glasses. As soon as he made sure she was gone, he silently fell to his knees and died for a few minutes.

_"GODDAMN YOU NOBLE!" _he cried out

What?

_["A school boy who wants to make sweet, sweet love to you?" what the hell man-]_

_(There's a fine line between a charming, desperate, lustful man and-well, whatever the hell you just said)_

_[Guess you should add 'rapist wit' under your eharmony profile]_

_(i give that a negative kajillion on the cutesy scale. That shit was not romantic)_

_[Didn't you take any notes from Geoffrey or Will when you went to that live show of Fresh Prince? They had good material]_

"NO. Sorrrrrry I kinda got distracted with meeting Carlton. But, hey, least i Know how to do the Carlton dance now! Though my picture of us leaves something to be desired" Deadpool said as he brought out the photo. "Seriously, all i got was a picture of me and the top of his eyes and nothing else"

Well anyway, just go along with the date. Promise I will make it-well, I'll _try_ to go along the list of demands you made.

"You better. Or else I'm leaving for that Snow White Disney fan fiction. At least we're getting somewhere over on that story. You're on chapter 20 and shit's not even getting anywhere. No action, no actual real story, not to mention that fan fiction has more favorites, followers and reviews than you"

...You wanna take this outside?

"Hahaha! Oh, aren't you precious! Bring it on stumpy, I've fought a midget version of me so I won't have a problem with kicking your midget ass too"

I'm 5'4 THAT'S CONSIDERED THE REGULAR HEIGHT FOR A GIRL

_(both of you SHADDUP!)_

_[She's coming back!]_

Jessica walked back in wearing the same denim jeans and white t shirt she wore earlier and had her black framed glasses on.

"Ready?" Deadpool asked

"Yup!" she smiled.

_Damn, she isn't wearing that black dress?_

"Yes, this is what I'm wearing Deadpool" Jessica deadpanned

"Hey, how'd you-?"

"You suddenly slumping your shoulders a bit and that slight disappointing look in your eyes was _kiiiind_ of a dead giveaway" she smiled meekly

"..."

* * *

><p>Jessica sat at the booth while she waited for Deadpool to bring back their drinks. With the music hummed throughout the bar and the people talking and dancing, Jessica only moved further back into the booth and was silently hyperventilating.<p>

"I said yes to a date. I'm on a date... _holy shit I'm on a date"_ she whispered to herself. '_Why did I say yes to this!?_"

_'probably because you are stupid and you didn't know what he meant when he said 'hang out' ?' _

Jessica put her face in her hands and grumbled.

"Ohhhh god" she whined. "Easy there, Jess. Nothing to be afraid of. Just having some drinks with your _friend_. Just pretend like it's Ethan-" she wriggled around impatiently and looked around, and suddenly-

"Wait, is that-Ohmygod, _ETHAN!"_

"Jessica? HOLY SHIT, JESS!"

Jessica quickly got up and Ethan ran up to her. They hugged tightly and while Jessica briefly opened her eyes during their embrace, she caught the eyes of some groups of girls who were glaring her down. They sat down and Jessica took a quick glance over his shoulder again. Their stares reminded her of when she was in high school. Especially one black haired girl who was outwardly trying to scare her when they made eye contact.

"Wooow, you really don't notice the way women look at you"

"Ha, you're funny" he said sarcastically.

She sighed "I'm not that funny"

"You're right. You're much funnier when you're drunk"

She laughed and couldn't help but look again. Still glaring her down!

"Oh my god, we're really flippin her out. She can't_ imagine_ what you're doing here with me. Hot people are supposed to be with hot people" she shook her head in realization

Ethan smiled at Jessica. Looking back at the black haired girl and Jessica, he finally spoke up.

"S'cuse me miss-"

"Ethan, shhh!"

"I think you're making my _girlfriend_ uncomfortable"

"Ethan, shush, stop it!"

The girl looked taken back and quickly turned around back to her chatty group of friends. Jessica covered her mouth and tried to stifle her laughter and Ethan couldn't help but laugh as well.

"So what are you doing here alone? Where's Willow?"

"Willow's at home. And I'm not by myself" She sighed and looked down. "Ethan, I agreed to something that I really shouldn't have"

"You agreed to form your own girl band"

"No. Ugh, god no."

"You agreed to be a part of a sting. Oh, can I be part of it? We'll wear mustaches and tie the person to a set of train tracks while keeping quizzical looks on our faces. Then I'll go NYEAHAHAHHA"

She laughed and slapped his arm. "Seriously! Ethan, I accidentally agreed to a date with Wade"

"Deadpool? Y-your _bodyguard?!_" he leaned forward, a shocked look on his face.

She nodded. "I didn't mean to say yes. He said 'hanging out', but then he took me here, and he's getting us drinks and he's acting sort of weird- I mean, he's usually weird but this is a different kind of weird- anyway, I've never said yes to a date before but I have this feeling like he thinks this is a date! Oh Ethan," she whined "I like him, I really do. But I d_on't know him well! What do I do! I mean, yes, I've shared more experiences with him than anyone since I came here-"_

_"_EXPERIENCES?_"_

_"_Wha- NO, I mean not like _sex_, but-"

"Look, Jess, as much as I want to give you heck for being so _naive_ about this, I promise I'll do it later-"

"Yeah, just text me so I don't have to see your disappointed face that would probably make me feel guilty for the rest of my life-"

"But I'll ask you this: Do you like him?"

"I don't know. At times, I think I like him, but then sometimes I feel like his flirting is just out of habit"

"Well, there you go-"

"No, but, Ethan-" she scratched her nails against the table "Some things have happened- things that I don't think should be shared with, even with you, that makes me want to believe that he _might _be feeling...the same things I'm feeling" Jessica blinked and suddenly covered her face with her hands "OH GOD, THAT SOUNDED SO CORNY- _I sound like such a stupid girl. This is not some fucking fairy tale. __Why do I always do that? Soon as someone is nice to me, I automatically just-!"_

"Besides me, this is the first time you've let someone get this close with you."

"I'm terrified. Not of him, but of what could be happening"

"Jessica, just because you spent almost your entire life working in a brothel doesn't mean you should stay scared or ashamed about what's happening. Someday, you are going to have to step out of your comfort zone, if you want to be with someone. It's impossible to avoid every man on this planet"

"I've done it since I got out of there. I _know_ it's possible" she replied stubbornly.

"So what about Christian?"

Jessica twiddled her fingers. "That's different. He might be physically attractive, but that's it. I know what kind of guy he is. Just another pig wanting the trophy bride. So he doesn't really count as intimidating" She groaned in exhaustion "Ethan, I don't want to turn into the single, childless, crazy cat lady. I'm safe from that place now, I can have a life with a chance to actually live _normally. _Without having to put on a performance for all of Quincy's clients just for me to have a roof over my head. I can't help that once someone notices me I push them away. Ugh, where is my mind? I feel so confused" she sighed "I wish you would just make this easier for me and just marry me. I wouldn't have to think about feeling scared of men anymore. Why won't you marry me?" she whined.

"Cuz I like you too much"

They both smiled at each other.

"Can't say that i'm happy about who you're _falling for._"

"I'm not falling for him."

"Jessica, stop trying to deny it. I've never seen you act this way before. For now, just go along with it- see if you really do like him."

"That is what dating's about.." she admitted.

"Exactly. So I mean, even if I were to tell you to just tell him the truth- that this isn't a date- you wouldn't have the heart to do that. You _wouldn't want to_"

Jessica lightly punched herself in the head. "You're right. I'll see how it goes. By the way, you can't be alone here, who're you with?"

"Dex."

"Who's that?"

"Y'know, blonde hair, blue eyes-the social butterfly, womanizer, drinks till he does that weird impersonation of a leprechaun-"

Suddenly a blonde haired blue eyed guy wrapped his arm around Ethan "YOOOO What's going on Ethan!?"

Ethan let out a long sigh and deadpanned at Jessica.

"Ethan, scoot over just a smidge, there" Ethan moved into the booth more and Dex sat with them.

"Soo guess what? _I _made some new friends." Dex smiled charmingly. "You, cutie, are my new friend," Dex pointed at Jessica, who only raised her eyebrow at him. "AND, I also found these two other girls that want to be my friend"

Before they could talk anymore, Deadpool appeared with drinks.

"Sorry Jess, totally got distracted. I bet some money on a Bea Aruthur look like that was having a drinking contest with asian guy who looked like Jackie Chan and guess who got 500 extra bucks!-"

Deadpool stopped when he saw two guys sitting with Jessica.

"Oookay, I know for sure that they weren't there before. So what are you abercrombie models doing with my date?"

"Deadpool, you've met Ethan before. Um, this other guy is Ethan's friend, Dex."

Deadpool silently slid into the booth next to Jessica, and Jessica who felt the awkward tension in the air, looked at Ethan, hoping he would get the message and leave.

"Well, look at the time, we should get going. C'mon Dex"

"Wha- We're leaving already? I didn't even get your name and those digits!" Dex smiled charmingly at Jessica. Deadpool stared at the blonde surfer twat, unimpressed and a tad annoyed.

"Alright, See you later Jess-"

"Oh, got your name! Just throw in that number and we're set!"

"-I'll text you later" Ethan waved and pushed Dex. Soon as they were out of sight, Deadpool looked over at Jessica.

"Should I ask?"

"Sorry," she smiled sheepishly. Exhausted mentally, confused emotionally, and not knowing what else to do, she decided to take Ethan's advice "Let's just move on" she grabbed a bottle and quickly swigged down the whole thing.

* * *

><p>Deadpool was on the 15th shot of vodka and Jessica was also starting to get a little tipsy from her gin and tonics.<p>

"**Sooo, how come you don't *hic* have a boyfriend?" **Deadpool slurred.

"**H****ahaha, really? We're doing this again?"**

**"Yup. Cuz *hic* I've been thinking about it f...for a llooooong tiimee"**

"**Yeah?"**

He nodded sluggishly and downed another shot.

"**Yessir. Since the day we met. "**

"**Weelll, if you must know, it's c****uz I don't want one" **She replied simply. Deadpool stared at her, completely unconvinced.

"**That, is a load of bull. C'mon, all girls your age want a boyfriend. Even the *hic*X chumps have human needs. All looking for that special someone. You're not that emotionless-" **He laughed but instantly turned serious_ **"unless you're a robot"**_

"**You don't believe that a woman could enjoy being.. free and independent?"**

**"Are you a lez-bee-inn?"**

she laughed **"No, I'm not a lesbian. I'm just not comfortable with being anyone's anything."**

Deadpool shook his head and simply said** "I don'tget it"**

**"No? Well let me break it down for you"**

**"_Break it down!"_**

**_"_I like being on my own. I like not having to rely on someone. Trust and reliance are too risky. Relationships are messy, people's feelings get hurt, and who needs it? People look to love as if it would make everything better. But really, it doesn't. You just end up getting betrayed. I think it's better to spend your life on something that is possible and real. It's better to just leave all that serious stuff for later..or never"**

**"...It's like you can see right into my soul._"_**

**"That is the first time I've ever told anyone that." she murmured as she studied the table. "But what about you? _do you have human needs?_" she teased.**

** "...course I do. Y'know behind this nice, rough, tough, sexy, red steeled exterior there could still be somethin' "**

**"So behind that mask, there's someone who needs..._warmth_?" **She giggled, downing her 4th shot. She looked at the mask he wore, and glanced down at the seam of his mask which was pulled up to reveal his mouth.

**"*hic* what?" **he smiled lazily

**"take off your mask"**

**"...It is off"**

**"All the way."** Jessica reached over and before she could pull it off, he grabbed her hand.

**"Sorry toots, hands off the merch"**

She pouted** "Why can't I touch you?"**

**"Hey I never said you couldn't. Just not here."**

**"I'll get that mask off somehow.." **she smiled slyly.

* * *

><p>The door slammed opened and they both stumbled into her house.<p>

_[oh hell no]_

"Wade," she breathed as he planted kisses over her neck. "more-"

_[Don't listen to her!]_

_(yes, listen to her!)_

her heart began thumping hard in her chest.

Before she could push him away and run away like a coward, she peeked up at him. In that small window of opportunity, he kissed her. He felt an electric current go through him and he felt incredibly giddy and happy, almost feeling like he couldn't control himself. And yet he was completely content with that.

The feeling of finally kissing her was awesome, wonderful and something like a breath of fresh air-or like a fresh chimichanga. Except instead of smelling cilantro, he smelt her sweet floral perfume.

Her lips were soft,warm and incredibly gentle- something his deteriorated skin loved and needed

His once soft kiss turned impatient and since she wasn't rejecting him, he began probing his tongue against the seam of her lips.

Without thinking, he picked her up and wrapped her legs around his waist, pushing her body against a wall. Suddenly she could feel sharp teeth nipping at her bottom lip. she gave a small gasp and he took the chance to slip his tongue into her mouth entirely.

His tongue couldn't help but explore every place in her warm mouth, and he felt like his mind had already melted.

He heard a sweet moan come from her, and to his pleasure his kiss encouraged her to shyly respond, lapping at his tongue with her own.

Deadpool growled. Judging by how shy she was about kissing, she had never kissed anyone before. Even so, this was the first time a kiss made his mind go totally blank.

Suddenly the two broke apart, breathing hard from the kiss. He quickly used his teleporter again and they were in her room.

"I'm sorry. That was my first-"

"I know-" he breathed as he quickly pushed his lips on her again. Still furiously kissing, Jessica let herself be pushed down onto the bed. The alcohol was making her mind buzz and she was slipping in and out of consciousness.

Suddenly the sound of fabric ripping brought her back and she mewled when she felt his mouth travelling on her exposed stomach and in between her cleavage. The mercenary groaned as he felt her body rub against his groin. He could feel her breathes coming in short rapid pants against his neck, her hips rubbing against his in the most pleasurable way.

"_Jessica, what are you..ahh!" _

As Jessica forced him to kiss her again, a loud groan emitted from him when he felt her hands starting to slip in his pants. Suddenly, Jessica snapped her eyes opened and shoved him off of her.

"What the he-Oof!" he landed on the bed and hit his head on the bed frame.

She covered her mouth and sprinted straight to her bathroom.

"Aw, c'mon! It's not-*huff* that bad!" Wade called out between breathes. He tried to get up but his feet slipped from underneath him, and he fell back again. He felt dizzy and his hearing was gone for a second. Suddenly his vision started to get fuzzier

_[something's ..wrong.. why do I see s-spots all over the place?]_

_(Shit. What the hell is that?)_

_"Think...someone-...slipped us something..." _

Before he could get up, a cloud of blackness overtook him, and in seconds he blacked out.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's notes: Hello! So today was the last of my exams. I'm quite happy I finished (leaves more time for me to write more chapters)! At the same time, I'm pretty sure I failed. T.T I only didn't study cuz my overall marks for my 3 classes were pretty good, and the exams were not worth as much as the culminating- which, I got really good marks on :) . Idk, hopefully the teachers cut me some slack. <strong>

** Anyway, **

**I got some time off from school now. Just for a couple of days but hopefully I'll be able to write more. Actually, depending on how I want to write this, you might get more chapters or just a few. I have many alternatives on how to continue this story. However, there is the factor of Deadpool's personality that is making me cut out half of the ideas I have. **

***SPOILERS!***

**So I read the spoilers of Deadpool's wedding and who the bride will be. I'm actually so happy with the spoilers. I'm glad he's not with Death. Cuz really, if it did turn out to be how everyone wants it, then there would be no more DP. I don't really understand why people want her anyway. Wouldn't that mean Deadpool dies? Have people not considered that? xD**

**Can't wait to see Shiklah and Deadpool in the new issues! Yay!**


	21. His Possession

**24 hours ago, in an unknown location:**

**"So you want me to kill Deadpool so you can have the girl? Am I getting this right?" He asked the man before him. He didn't bother looking at the other men that sat at the table before him. He focused on the guy in charge.**

**"Well, this is going to be the easiest 7 mil I'll get" he smirked**

**"It's not that simple. You did read the background information we gave you regarding the mercenary and Miss Paisley right?"**

**"Sure, sure. I've read- heard- about them. But thanks to you boostin my healing factor and all the jazz, I think when I bring her to you accompanied by Dp's head on a silver platter, you'll be beggin me to be your permanent employee"**

**The boss said nothing and a few other guys murmured incoherent things to each other.**

**"Plus, I have her as a partner," he grinned as a woman came from behind him in the shadows.**

**When the Boss saw her, he nearly choked on his own spit. "Y-you're-!"**

**She didn't bother to answer. But a smile remained on her light brown lips. **

**"By the way, I think we're gonna need another 7 mil. She doesn't wanna share with me. Well, actually we both wouldn't want to share this amount of dough. You know how it is" he mused. When he looked around, he decided to let his power roam free and pick at the all the thoughts of the men. Not that he needed to read their mind. With the amount of sweat he saw rolling off the crowded fat face, he knew that the boss man was starting to reconsider this.**

**Stupid man.**

**"C'mon guys. You're affiliated with Weapon X. I know you guys are practically drowning in money. Surely you can spare a few dimes for little ol' us. After all," He teleported and was already right in front of the boss man's neck, two of his swords criss crossed around his fat throat "You're not really in a position to reconsider now. You really wouldn't want to dig your grave any ****_deeeper_****!" he sang in warning, closing the space between his knives and the boss's neck. Despite him gripping his arm chair even tighter, something flickered in the man's eyes.**

**"Ever since she escaped the program, we have followed her every move. Ever since Erik failed to assassinate her, her powers that she has pushed down have only gotten stronger. She is like a kettle that has been on the stove too long. Her powers are beginning to boil over, she will lose control. We have to bring her in NOW, before she reveals everything we have worked so hard to keep hidden. We are not backing out and we are ready to pay the exact amount owed to you and your partner"**

**Besides, to have her again- back in his hands- he would do anything, put everything on the line, just to have her back in his possession. She was always his favorite child, sister, mother and****_ lover_****, the only one who he was genuinely most proud of. His other soldiers were actually just the playthings which he would let her bat around with when she was bored. And even in those times where she would rest after after 3 days of nothing but assassinations, he would watch her, admire her, pet her and shower her with words of praise for doing such a good job for daddy. Suddenly he was pulled from his memories.**

**A soft smile adorned the assassin "Couldn't have said it any better Mr. Quincy"**

**With the idea of his pet coming home to him, an even wider smile appeared on Mr. Quincy's face "Proteus, Aella, bring her in"**

**With the two finally on the same page, the woman watched in excitement.**

**"Oh Deadpool, you have no idea how fast my heart is beating. Don't worry your pretty little scarred head, your girl is coming to make it all better"**

**As the two headed out, Proteus glanced at the pictures of his targets.**

**"So should we bring them in straight away or-" Aella asked**

**"No, no. I wanna make this last. Let's just play with them for awhile," he replied**

**He didn't care much for the man, but his other target looked very promising.**

**"Let's see if this bodyguard business is strictly business" he licked his lips. Aella turned to him and glared, and he laughed, knowing that he touched a nerve. **

**Without a second thought about it, he flicked the picture of Deadpool out of his hand, not caring where the wind would take it and slipped the other picture in between his hand and glove, letting it rest in his warm palm. **


	22. A Place In Paradise Doesn't Come Cheap

Deadpool let out a long sigh and settled into the bed. The sheets were a mess, the furniture was destroyed and he glanced over at Jessica, who was still trying to catch her breath.

"Oh my god…" she moaned, shuddering from pleasure. "Six times?"

"Sorry, that's never happened to me before. I must be feeling a bit tired" he replied as he closed his eyes.

After a moment of silence, he opened them again.

"Okay, I'm ready again!" he jumped on her and his hands started getting straight to work.

"Wade…" she sighed.

"Whamph?" he said.

"Wake up"

He looked up at her

"What?"

"Wake up, Wade"

"_Oh fuck no_"

"Wade…!"

"Oh are you fucking-"

"WADE!"

"-**KIDDING ME!**" he yelled as his eyes snapped open. Jessica tumbled backward off the bed as he rose up faster than she could grab him for balance. She let out a slightly angry hiss and got up. She could hear him talking to himself again, except his tone was incredibly pissy.

"_Stupid dream. Mother fucker Salome...going to kill her. Told her to go with the damn script I wrote!"_

She crawled back onto the bed and waited until he was done his psychotic rant. Finally he looked at her.

"What happened last night?"

"Lots of stuff"

"Jessica. Tell me what happened."

"Jeez, where do I start?" she got herself comfortable and got out her phone. She crawled over and sat beside him, showing the first set of pictures that were taken from last night. "Let's see. Well, you were quite stable when you came back and met Ethan and Dex-" she said as she showed her the first picture of the four of them.

_So that was real_

"Except once you took a swig of your drink, you started getting all loopy. Loopier than I've ever seen you"

She swiped her finger to the next picture and Deadpool nearly cringed at what he saw.

"You proceeded to get up on stage, and sing to me-actually it was more like sobbing- all of Bryan Adam's best hits. You also sang/cried the theme song of _Golden Girls-_"

_Yuck. Who knew I was such an ugly crier_

"-then we got kicked out when you threatened to burn down the bar and got in a fight with the bouncer. Then, you took me to a monster truck rally. When you saw the door you held up a line because you wanted to keep running around the turnstile and kept asking me to jump in. Um, might wanna look on your phone for that one" she continued.

"OH MY G- oh, that actually turned out nice. Man! Look how clear that is! I'm _soo_ posting that on Poolgram"

"-Then you managed to actually be part of the show and I don't think people appreciated the ending when you mooned all of them. It didn't help that you completely stole the show and made all of the other truckers move to the side to avoid getting hit by you"

"Huh. But Jess, you gotta tell me one thing,"

"What?"

"...Did.

We.

Kiss?"

She quickly shook her head. "Hey, what are you doing-? What's wrong?" She asked sweetly as she watched him go into a fetal position, gripping the pillow and quietly sobbing to himself.

"Noooo" he grumbled into the pillow. "That asshole. Stupid. Biiitttccch!"

"Hey!"

"No, not you sweetie. Just- forget it"

She felt bad for lying. She only did it because she realized that her odd attraction to him did not mean the relationship could go any further. It was odd, realizing the sexual tension between them, but regardless of their attraction to one another, she thought it would be best and try to avoid the truth of what happened last night.

If that made any sense.

She busied herself with tidying up to let him have his moment to himself. After he finished, he got up and saw Jessica in the bathroom silently putting away things and cleaning up.

_[Ask her what happened when we got home]_

_(yeah, she's not like Salome. She wouldn't lie!)_

"Jess, what happened when we got home?"

Refusing to turn around, she felt her mind and heart race again.

"N-Nothing. W-we just got home and I let you collapse on my bed. It was really hard t-to keep you walking. I had t-to drag you halfway" she heard her voice beginning to betray her, and some unknown force was making her sound more of a liar each time she stuttered.

He raised his eyebrow and slowly got up, walking closer to her.

"-A-and I don't know, maybe I shoulda h-have used the-"

He spun her around and saw that she was completely red in the face, only confirming his suspicion of her.

_[I retract my last statement. She's a liar too]_

_(Liar, liar, pants on fire!_

…_.ummm, does anyone know how the rest of the song goes?)_

"Jessica, I know when you're lying. Now hurry up and tell me before your pants go on fire"

While Wade studied her expression, Jessica studied the floor, not wanting to tell him. Wade caught her eyes looking at the small gap between him and the wall, and almost smiled at the defiant look in her eyes.

"Seriously? We're doing this?"

"..."

"Just try it," he warned. "I dare you"

Like a wild animal seeing an opportunity to flee, Jessica bolted, and just under a small graze, was able to make it around him, rushing to the hallway door. Just when she was about to turn the doorknob, she felt his hands catching the back of her shirt, pulling her back into the room.

"Nooo!" she whined as she gripped hard on the doorknob. Wrapping his arms around her legs, he tugged and tugged as hard as he could without hurting her, but she refused to let go.

"Jessica-!" he pulled again.

"No!" she held on as hard as she could.

"**Tell!-"**

"No!"

-**Me!"**

"No!"

"-**What!"**

"No!"

**-Happened!"**

Noo!" she whined.

"**FINE! YOU SUCK**"

Unexpectedly, she landed on the ground with a loud thud and she could hear him stomping away. She breathed again and in that moment of silence, she pried her hands away from the doorknob. Suddenly-

"MUAHAHAHAHA!"

He completely hoisted her up and threw her over his shoulder.

"NO! WADE, PUT ME DOWN!" She cried out, her fingers clawing at anything to keep her from the confrontation she was going to face. She wriggled and kicked and even clawed at his back- but he paid no attention.

"Are you done?" he said as he sat on the bed, boredly staring straight ahead of him.

Jessica didn't bother to listen to what he was saying- she was too busy clawing and whimpering, doing anything to avoid what was coming next. He glanced over and realized something. Suddenly a small smile appeared under his mask.

"Jessica-"

"Put me down! Put me down! Let me go!" she wriggled and kicked her legs.

"Don't make me-"

"Wade, I'm not kidding! _Let. me. go!_" she pounded her fists against his back.

"Okay, you asked for this sweetums"

"_Please, please, Wade! Put. ME. D-AHH!_" she screamed when she felt a sharp stinging pain on her bottom. Blinded by such shock and anger, she hoisted her upper body up and wrapped her arms tightly around his head, giving herself a strong hold onto him so she could sink her small but incredibly sharp teeth into the crown of his head, making him curse out in pain.

_(Did she just bite our head?!)_

_[Well, we did slap her on the butt]_

_(jeez this is escalating quickly!)_

"can't complain though. I kinda like where this is going" he winced at the pain. Without a second thought, he threw her completely over his shoulder and onto the bed. She quickly got up and tried once again to swerve around him but he grabbed her and plopped her back onto the bed, holding her wrists together. He crouched down, staring at Jessica. She refused to look at him and turned her head to focus on the wall.

"Jessica. Tell me. _Did. We. Kiss?_"

Silence followed.

She didn't bother to answer, she just nodded.

"So everything that happened yesterday...?"

She nodded again.

"But earlier you said-"

"I know, okay?" her voice was shaky, tears started flowing. "I-I just couldn't tell you! I d-didn't want to!"

"Whoa, why are you crying?!"

"_Because you dummy, that was my first kiss!"_

More silence followed. He let go and she held her wrists to her chest.

"I get it," he said softly. He stood up and looked down at her, his shoulders slumped. "Why kiss me? I'm a freak, right?" he smiled bitterly.

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. He wasn't there in front of her anymore. He was already walking toward the door. Finally she knew what he meant.

"Wade, I didn't mean-"

His hand turned into a tight fist.

_She's probably trying to erase every bit of what happened from her mind. Ugh, she's going to destroy me now. I can feel it. I can see it in her eyes. That's what I hate about women, especially women like her. She's rich. She's beautiful. She knows she can do whatever the hell she wants and use anyone till she's gotten what she's wanted. Face it, she was completely smashed last night and what happened doesn't mean anything to her. _

_...Bitch._

He laughed to himself. "And here I thought you actually gave a _shit_. I know. It was a mistake. You were drunk. Sorry I took advantage of you (even though you were the one that totally put your hand down my pants)"

"Mistake? What-"

"Don't worry, I'm doin you a favour. Actually I'm doin myself a favour"

"Wade-"

"You regret it! And whatever, that's fine. Just don't make things any weirder than they already are. So if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go eat everything in your fridge,"

Wade…"

"-Go into a mini food coma, probably try something so I'll see Death again-"

"_**Wade!**_"

Deadpool stopped talking when he felt a hand on his shoulder. She frowned when he didn't look at her and stared at her hand. She went around in front of him and lightly gripped his chin, making him look at her. Her tears were gone and she looked straight up at him.

"It was _not_ a mistake. I don't regret it"

"Huh?"

"Um…" she sighed, turning red from what she was about to say. "I...wasn't that drunk"

Now it was her turn to avoid eye contact.

He blinked. "Wait, what?"

She took a breath and continued."I wasn't that drunk. I remember what happened"

"But why did you-?"

"Oh, Wade," she whined, covering her face with her hands. "Don't make me spell it out for you!"

Suddenly his heart started beating again. His eyes widened and a smile was appearing.

"Wade, I really like you. I promised myself that I would save my first kiss until I was married. But when you kissed me I didn't want to stop. I know I sound like such an idiot, but I've liked you for a while now. You're wonderful. I'm grateful that I met you"

"What about when you ran to the bathroom? It wasn't because of-?"

"No. I just suck at keeping in my alcohol. Didn't want you to see me- well, y'know" she laughed lightly.

She glanced over at him and squeaked, quickly looking away from him. "Why are you smiling at me?" she blushed.

"So are we-?"

She nodded. "Unless you think otherwise?"

He thought about it. The risks that came with whatever was happening between them. Of course he wanted this. But if they could really stay together, he knew it wouldn't be all shits and giggles. More like potential assassinations and danger that he wasn't sure he could risk her being apart of.

He didn't want her to get caught up in messes that he made in the past. But when her eyes shimmered in determination and her face was blindingly glowing with innocence, he couldn't help but grin. A place in paradise doesn't come cheap, but he was willing to be that he- _they_ would find a way to roll with the punches. Suddenly she felt herself being pulled and she closed her eyes, not wanting to look at him.

"Ah, what the hell. Let's try and see where this goes kiddo"

She kept her eyes closed, and Wade pressed his lips to hers. She could feel him planting soft kisses on her lips, and each kiss made her want to hold him tighter. She hated when people- especially men- touched her. It reminded her of how roughly she was treated in the brothel. But his hands, the heat and his touch were beginning to wash over her hatred, her shame that stemmed from the early exposure to sexual abuse that happened in the brothel. She felt a great weight come off of her. She was grateful that she was finally able to say what was draining her emotionally and physically.

"Jess,"

She opened her eyes and saw his expression had grown concerned. He wiped a tear from her eye.

"This is supposed to be a romantic lovey dovey moment here. Why are you crying again?" he asked quietly.

"B...because-"

* * *

><p>They were sitting on her bed. She didn't bother to look at him. She was scared at first, about telling him about her childhood. Her first years in the orphanage. About the priest selling her and her friends to a brothel. Learning how to survive those wolves that paid hundreds of dollars to see her privately ("T...Thankfully for the women that had enough sympathy and my promise that I would give them ¾ of my earnings, I was able to roofie my client's drinks and when they weren't able to recognize who was straddling them, they would take my place)<p>

However, while she spilled her guts about everything and the eventual adoption from Celeste and Alex, she left out the part about the extreme military training she got. About the government taking her in and training her to snap a man's neck without the slightest hint of sympathy. And the multiple experiments that she stupidly accepted.

She hated that she felt nothing more than just a the quick twisting of the neck and her ability to walk away so easily. She did not need pity from him in that department. Or any department. But she would tell him eventually. Just not now.

"Anyways" she sighed and got up. "What's done is done"

He remained quiet. She felt better, and felt no tears welling up, which was good- it was a sign that she was getting stronger.

"Sorry, I totally ruined the moment" she said.

"Jessica, I'm sorry. I really am"

She smiled. "It's fine. It happened a long time ago. That fact that I'm not crying again means that I've gotten just a tad bit stronger"

He looked at her with skepticism. "You don't seem too fazed by it"

"Probably because everything seems ten times more better after getting out of there...oh, c'mon, don't give me that face. I'm not thinking about it, and you shouldn't either. I'm alive, I'm healthy, I have a good home and most importantly-"

"I don't really understand"

"What?" she said lightly, still brushing her hair.

"How are you able to just pretend like nothing's wrong? Don't you feel something after all that's happened?"

"Of course I feel something. I had nightmares. Still do... not as frequent but I'm still frightened of men. Some dreams were so painful and humiliating that I lost sleep for days. As much as I just wanted to die, my sanctuary was being brought into a family. That's what really kept me sane"

Jessica got up to put her brush away. Still trying to grasp the fact that her past was probably just about as fucked up as his, he cleared his throat.

"Anything else I won't be able to find on Wikipedia?" he half joked.

She took no offense and simply replied, "Yes. Tons, actually. But I don't really feel comfortable explaining now"

"Eventually?"

"...Eventually"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's notes: OMG it is freaking 3AM. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna hallucinate soon if I don't go to bed.<strong>

**Also, ^.^**

**I'm sorry I took so long with posting new chapters! T.T**

**Ummm…..**

**That is all. Oh! And reviews are welcome! Let me know if there are any grammar mistakes and whatnot, that would really help me out! **

***awkward silence***

***runs away* **


	23. LEEROOY JEEENKIINSS!

**Author's Notes: So for some reason, I can't reply to the reviews I saw on chapter 20 & 21. Idk, it said something about whoever posted was not a member or whatever.**

**But I will reply here!**

**So firstly,**

**Yes, I am aware it's almost next to impossible for DP to get drunk. Well, _now_ they're (and when I say they I mean the creators of the Deadpool video game) saying he's not able to get drunk. However, the only reason why I decided to go with what I wrote was because, if I remember correctly, in issue 12-possibly 13- of _The Drowning Man_, Deadpool _was_ able to get drunk. Hence, the whole thing of him getting all emotional, Terry appears, he believes it is Terry- and yadda, yadda, yadda, I don't wanna spoil it because you should totally go read that issue. Also, there is the fact that the drink he took in chapter 20 was not just alcohol. It was laced with roofies- and recently I had just bought the arc where Deadpool is sorta an X men member (Y'know, the one where he tries to show Cyclops his "moves", and frickin takes over the live interview where Norman Osborn is talking about his daughter Mercury) and since Domino was able to knock him out with just a glass of roofies, I decided to write chapter 20 based on that. Sorta. Very Loosely.**

**Anyway, so Drowning man + Domino's semi pervy tactic to use roofies= my chapter 20 fanfic! (yaay)**

**Moving on.**

**So for chapter 21's review: should that be a good thing or bad thing? Cuz the only thing I can tell you now is that that scene happened a day early before Dp's and Jess's date thing (if that answers your confusion :| ). More will be explained in later chapters!**

* * *

><p>"Why are we here again?"<p>

"I told ya. I wanna see their surveillance videos of last night. If you weren't the pervert who drugged me up, then I wanna see who was stupid enough to"

He looked over her shoulder, and saw that she was struggling with the wig and big sunglasses that he made her put on. Since he was going to do some B&E, it would be better if no one recognized her as his partner in crime.

They entered the bar again. Except instead of entering like regular people, Deadpool kicked the door open dramatically, making everyone in the bar- and Jessica who was behind him- jump.

"That wasn't really necessary"

"Oh, but it was. I love catching people in the act. That's why I always whip open doors" he replied stealthily.

"It's a glass window though" she mumbled

"ALRIGHT YOU HOOLIGANS, LEAD ME TO YOUR BOSS-"

_["Hooligans'"?]_

"-ANYONE ELSE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO GET CAUGHT UP INTO THE AWESOME FIERY TAE KWON DO MOVES I'M ABOUT TO WHIP OUT, GET OUT"

"Like they're actually going to-"

Suddenly she jumped out of the way of the crowds of people that ran out of there. Nothing was left except some glasses that were wobbling from the speed of everyone and a few wafts of dust settling.

"Oh? What were you just saying? 'Like they'd actually listen'? What's this then?" he smiled arrogantly as he strutted into the bar.

She rolled her eyes and quietly followed behind him. They found a dark hallway and saw a door at the end of the hall. They could see a light coming from under the door and a shadow moving around. He turned to her and silently brought his index finger up to his lips, indicating to keep quiet. With a small nod from her, he turned and breathed deeply.

_[Now's a pretty good time to show her our skills]_

_(Bitc- I mean, girls love a guy with great skills!)_

"Observe the stealthiest ninja as he slowly but super cooly makes his way to his prey" he whispered to her, but more to himself. She raised her eyebrow at him, wondering if he was really going to narrate himself. "Quietly, his uber sexy body moves and his-"

Suddenly his foot felt something wet and slippery and before he could grab onto something, he completely face planted hard into the waxed floor.

Jessica gasped, and slapped her hand over her mouth, frightened that he passed out

Looking quickly at the door and back at her bodyguard, she quietly tip toed around and rolled him over.

"Wade...Wade! Stay with me, don't pass out!" she whispered

"Don't go into the liiighht" He gurgled, looking at the ceiling fan and reaching out to it, drifting in and out of consciousness.

"Oh god, your nose! It's completely bent!"

Suddenly she heard loud footsteps that were coming from behind the door at the end of the hall.

Not knowing what else to do, she picked the nearest door to them and temporarily leaving him there, went to go open it. The footsteps became louder, and with all her strength, she managed to pull him into the room, closing it just when she heard the door creak open. Settling him against the door, she quickly locked it. She held her breath and listened to whatever was happening on the other side of the door. She heard the footsteps get louder, each step getting closer and closer to where they were. She shut her eyes, praying to god that they would be okay. She held the doorknob firmly, ready to push and keep whoever was outside to keep from coming inside. She felt the the doorknob being touched, the vibrations thrumming through her hand. Just when she heard a set of keys, she heard a telephone ringing very loudly. Suddenly the footsteps quickly thumped away, and a loud slam of a door was heard.

Then it was quiet again.

her heart nearly dropped but a small victorious smile appeared on her lips.

She quietly sighed out in relief and she felt Deadpool start to move again.

" 'shorry Jesh. Give' ush five more 'minutsh" he slurred, lazily cracking his nose back into place. She crouched down and started lightly smacking his face to keep him awake.

_(Ooooh, look! There's six of her!)_

_[Let'ss S've smexy times with allofthem!]_

"I don't get it. You couldn't possibly have fallen that hard" she replied, still whispering to him.

He laughed and slumped over more. "Life alert. 'Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!' "

Seeing that he was still joking, she concluded that he would be fine. She shook her head at him and busied herself with checking around the room. Without saying another word, she got up and realized where they were.

With his vision clearing, he blinked a couple of times. The blurriness was fading and the flashing spots were going away too. Still slightly wobbly, he got up and cracked his neck.

"Y'know whats s'great for that commercial? _Let the bodies hit the floor_ by _Drowning pool_"

"Look," she said.

He glanced over at what she was pointing at and whistled.

"How convenient" he walked past her and stared at all the monitors that showed different angles of the bar. From the hallways to outside the bar to even the bathrooms, each camera was capturing everything.

While she went back to the door to check outside, he fiddled around with the keyboards and finally saw himself on the video at the bar.

He was standing waiting for the drinks and suddenly a dark haired girl walked up beside him. She was older and was exposing a lot of cleavage.

"Ohhh right. Then I-"

"Is she flirting with you?"

Deadpool turned and saw Jessica staring at the monitor, a blank expression adorning her face.

He turned to the monitor and saw himself leaning toward her, talking, and the woman smiling at him, batting her eyelashes and laughing with him.

"...maybe."

"Fast worker" she observed.

"What can I say? The moms love me"

"Ew" she half chuckled.

"I dated a milf once. I also dated a gilf. Like a grandp-"

"SsSsHhH!" she shook her head quickly and covered his mouth, not wanting to hear anymore. He continued talking through her hand, trying to speak louder so he could see her squirm in disgust more. He always like it when she started flustering from how icked out she got. "Look, she's putting something in your drink!"

Gently pushing her hand away, he looked at the video showing him turning to look at something, and the woman quickly slipping something in his drink.

"Good gravy! SHE'S A PERVERT!" he exclaimed.

_[Damn. What a wasted opportunity]_

"I know! I didn't even get to use my rape whistle and pepper spray" he replied sadly as he pulled out his whistle and spray. "I wonder what caught my attention…"

"Um, s'not that hard."

He looked at her, a tad confused but waiting for her to answer.

"The drinking game that was going on between Jackie Chan and Bea Arthur you saw. You told me you got distracted. That was probably what you were looking at.. the real question is who the heck was that person" she looked at him. "An old flame?"

"No. I've never seen her in my life"

They watched as Deadpool turned and without being aware of his drink being spiked, said something to the woman and left. She stood there for a few minutes and another man appeared beside her. The two left together.

"Think they were together?"

"Partners?" she replied

"Amigos perhaps?"

She looked at him and from not seeing any sort of smile appear, realized that he was being dead serious. "Never not joking" she couldn't help but smile.

"They'll be back" he said in his best terminator voice.

"For sure"

Suddenly they heard footsteps, signalling their time to disappear.

"Alrighty then, looks like it's time to make like a tree and leave."

"You mean make like a banana and split?"

"Hey, you don't make the jokes around here, I do. I think I know what I'm talking about"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: next scene :)<strong>

* * *

><p>"I feel weird. Like I'm not allowed to move" Jessica said as she looked at herself in the mirror.<p>

"You done yet? Not to sound like a jerk face but I've been waiting here for eternity!"

"Tsk, tsk. You're so impatient." she mumbled as she put on her black kitten heels. She didn't like the 8 inch heels or skyscraper ones that most women wore. She'd seen how many women wipe out on those death traps and she would spare herself the embarrassment and pain.

"Maybe I shouldn't have gone to that salon" she added, looking at the fancy looking french braid and nails they insisted on. "As if I couldn't feel any more self conscious" she muttered.

When she walked into the kitchen she saw him pouring himself a Coke.

"You're spilling" she said, smiling.

While Deadpool mopped up the counter with a paper towel, he kept darting glances at her.

She looked at herself in the full length mirror. She wore the dress that he liked and tried to look as comfortable as she could. But it was almost next to impossible, especially since she was soon going to be reminded of how many stares she was going to draw.

"Turn around again," Deadpool suggested a little hoarsely.

She raised her eyebrows in a silent question. She shrugged to herself and rotated slowly.

"You look mouthwatering" he said sincerely.

"Thanks" she said, trying hard not to beam like an idiot. "You look pretty good too" she walked over to him and fixed up his black bowtie. "_you clean up niice_" she murmured to herself as she watched her hands start to wander over his chest.

_(She totally wants us)_

_You mean me. She totally wants me._

_(Well, I'm you. So potato potahto)_

"Jeez woman, at least try to restrain yourself" he said, the corners of his lips turning upward.

"You try to restrain yourself" she said mockingly.

"Ouch, that kinda hurt"

Hesitantly, she went on her tippy toes and pressed her lips to his through his mask.

She did it once.

Then twice.

"Aw, poor baby" she smiled, "How much does it hurt?" she whispered, sending a shiver throughout his body.

"More than when I saw _X Men Origins_- Ah, ah, ah" he warned as grabbed her hands when they started going for his mask. "Sorry, but we gotta go kitten"

"B-but-"

"No, no." he said simply. "D'ere's no thyme Vor any hanky panky. Ve gotta get you to zat parteh"

(Why did you suddenly turn Russian?)

"It's my count chocula impression! Or Count Von Count, whatever you think was close" he beamed.

Slightly annoyed by his obvious scheme, she sighed and let him go, letting him drag her to the benefit she really did not want to go to anymore.

* * *

><p><span><strong>At the benefit<strong>

"Stop fidgeting"

I grabbed her hands and pried them apart, unknotting her fingers that stabbed into her hands.

"Jeez, calm down woman. S'not like you're going to the electric chair"

_[haha. "S'not"]_

_Oh you're so mature._

"S-sorry I just get so nervous. I'm still not used to going to these kinds of things. I don't know what to expect. What if something bad happens? What if I say good morning to someone instead of-?"

"GUUD EIV'NING. AH-AH-AH" I finished in my Transylvania accent.

_better?_

_[much, actually. ]_

_(I give it a star and a thumbs up)_

_[that's not exactly an accurate rating. How do you-]_

_(Don't know.. You're the smarty mcFarty one, figure it out)_

"We could still go home." suddenly she brightened. "Yeah, let's just go home."

She started turning around and walking away but I lifted her up and set her back down in front of me, gently pushing her toward the set of stairs.

"You're almost as bad as Bob. Scared shitless about everything." I said, grabbing her wrist and starting up the stairs to where the party was.

"I don't know why you have to be so scared about stuff like this. You'll blend right in. Me on the other hand…" I trailed off. "Well that's why I have this!" I took out my top hat and possibly overly exaggerated mustache.

"Nobody will know who I am!"

_(amazing!)_

_[Yeah, completely. That is a stroke of genius. Hopefully the readers will note the sarcasm]_

Just before we entered through the doorway, I took a glance at the hallway mirror that was placed on the right side of me. "Hmm...does this 'stache make my head look fat?"

"No, you just look like you're ready to tie someone to a set of train tracks" she laughed at me through the mirror.

"Perfect. That's what I was going for" I said. "Now c'mon, I'm going to rock this party harder than Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus put together."

_[*shiver* I did not need that mental image]_

"Maybe I'll steal your thunder, leave a couple of men with broken hearts...annnd try not to get arrested".

She wrapped her arm through mine and looked at the door confidently. "Let's do this..."

"LEEEEEROOOOOOOY JEEEENKIIINSS!"

* * *

><p><span><strong>Later<strong>

"Stop. Don't even start with me."

"What?"

"I know when you're joking around"

"I'm not joking around!"

"_Octopus's Garden_? Seriously?"

"I'm not joking, that's the best Beatles song ever recorded!"

"Might as well just say _Piggie_s" I replied in disgust.

She furrowed her eyebrows and whimpered "C'mon I love Ringo Starr"

"_Nobody loves Ringo Starr_"

"But that's what I love about him" she sighed.

"You just lost cool points for that" I said as I shook might head and took a swig of my drink.

**"Yo. How's it going?"**

_[Who the hell is that?]_

I turned and saw a guy standing next to Jessica.

"Oh look hunny, he looks like a regular douchebag with a side of steroids" I laughed.

"Uh, okay." she replied to the douchenozzle.

"You live around here?"

"..Um, yeah, not too far"

"Never seen you here before"

"You're not too observant"

"ha, that's funny. You're funny" he said. "So let me buy you a drink"

"No thank you"

"You with this guy?"

"Hey Douc-"

"**Whatever**. So c'mon, one drink, what're you drinking?"

"I said no thanks."

"You're serious?_ This guy_?"

_kill him?_

_[No, don't do it]_

_(Umm, no. Judging from how much Jessica is squeezing your knee, probably not)_

"Look, I'm flattered, but I'm not interested so why don't you go over there and leave us alone, okay? Thanks"

_[There, see? She took care of it]_

My eyes focused on the long line of green bottles that were placed behind the bar. What if he persisted?

"He's doing me a favor. I haven't drop kicked anybody since chapter 19"

What if a fight starts?

"refer to the previous statement I made"

"Can't believe_ this_ is your boyfriend" The man laughed.

"Hey buddy, SUR-PRIISE!" I seethed as I grabbed him and decked him right in the face. With a satisfying crunch of his nose breaking, I watched him crumple to the floor. I walked back to the bar, letting out a huff of laughter through my schnoz.

"How's that for gettin the job-"

"What are you doing?" she said turning to me, a slightly angry expression appearing on his face.

_….Sphincter says what?_

_She's getting pissed off at me?_

Before we could start bickering like an old couple, someone grabbed my shoulder and whirled me around, and suddenly I was face deep in a set of brass knuckles.

_Then I faint- I mean, I blacked out._

_[you fainted]_

_NO I DIDN'T. I BLACKED OUT. CASE CLOSED._

_[Faaaain~teed]_

* * *

><p>"That felt weird! It felt like it was happening really fast, but really it also felt like it was happening super slow. It's been awhile since I've had a slo mo scene. Still, I'm glad I was able to pants him mid faint- <em>mid black out<em>." I said as I plopped myself on the edge of the bed.

_[should have expected the brass knuckles]_

"Yeah, well, what're you gonna do. Least I pantsed him"

So we left that crap party cuz it was boring as hell,

_[Um, it was more like kicked out. We got kicked out]_

-And now we were warm and cozy, candles lit, fireplace on and snuggling like two bugs in a rug.

_(I've never seen her sit this far away from us before)_

"Hopefully you got that on camera. We're totally going to make 12 million hits on Youtube-"

_[Colombian women have scary glares]_

"-Can't wait till they do an auto tune version of it-"

_(Yup. Her glare is officially scaring the shit outta me)_

_[Gosh, I can just FEEL the love in this room]_

"Ugh, look, Jessica, I'm trying here. Why can't you just let it go?"

"Let what go?" she replied as she got up.

"Don't start with me. You know what I'm talking about." I deadpanned.

I took a glance at her face and tried to hold my laughter.

"What are you smiling about?" she asked as she pulled out a suitcase and started to fill it with clothes.

"We're having our first fight :3 "

"I just- I can't believe you."

"You can't believe _me_?"

"You were so completely, _completely_-"

"I just got my ass semi kicked for you"

"Really? Was that for my benefit?"

"Yeesh"

"Well, next time, please don't-"

"Why?"

"Because you can't just go and beat up everybody without thinking that no one is going to notice. I'm-"

"Jessica,_ you heard what he said_._ I had every goddamn right to break his nose_."

She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. She settled beside me on the bed and something flickered in her eyes.

_(Is it smexy hot make out time? Cause I think it iss~:D)_

_[More like 'she's-going-to-kick-your-ass' time. You guys really believe-]_

_Hallelujah! Cue the choir boys singing while holy light beams down!_

"I know. And he deserved it..."

_[Wait, she's apologizing?!]_

_(HA, see? I'm right!)_

_There's something oddly refreshing about having a woman admit that she was wrong :)_

_"But-"_

_Oh goddammit. Just when you're about to have some hot make out scene, there's always someone's big butt in the way! Well fuck that, the only butt I'll accept is hers, so hurry up, hurry up! _

"But….?" I repeated as her hands came up to the sides of my face. Her eyes followed her nails that grazed up to my cheekbone and down to my mouth. Suddenly she pushed me down and crawled on top of me. "Promise me you won't go _too_ far with it, okay?" she said quietly as her one of her hands gently caressed the back of my head.

She grazes my neck and I'm already breathing heavy

_[Seems like you're having a little trouble with her :)]_

_Shut up. I have this under control_

She sits up and pulls out the hair clip in her hair. With the hooded eyes and the predatory look I've never seen her show, I can't help but blurt out

"Is that your 'shit-is-getting-real' face?"

She briefly licked her top lip and her hands trail down to my stomach. "You still haven't answered me"

"C'mon Jess you know that's impos-"

She sits me up, and before I can stop her, she pulls my mask over my lips and-

_(Holy shit!)_

_[Woah, calm down! The walls of your brain are literally melting!]_

_(WoOoOaAaH! Rainbows! Unicorns! WHEEE!)_

_[Er, Salome, need some help here! He's-_

_ i-iss-like,_

_ uummmm...wha's tha'... _

_ guhhhhhhhhhhhhrgghfghfhhfhhhhhhhhh]_

* * *

><p><strong>So I guess I'm taking over now? Alrighty then...<strong>

* * *

><p>It was still early in the evening and rain had begun to patter against the window. She briefly looked at the clock that was behind him. It read 8:00 PM. She knew she shouldn't have used this tactic to persuade him, but with his teeth hungrily nipping at her bottom lip and his hands that were determined to touch every curve of her body, she couldn't help but smile.<p>

She heard a low groan emit from him and before he could pull down the zipper of her dress, she gently pulled away. With a soft pop of their lips unlocking, she still reminded him about the small demand she made. "Wade, answer me. Promise me you won't go too far" She breathed. She kissed his neck and let his hand touch the back of her bare leg. With the small jerks of his body writhing, she could tell he was getting impatient.

"Jessica..." he gasped she licked the side of his cheek.

"Are you going to faint again?" she teased.

"S-shut up" he sputtered out as she cupped his face in her hands. He was dazed, incredibly aroused and the more she touched the harder it was for him not to tear that dress off her.

"_C'mon Wade, how difficult would it be to just make a promise? I'm not asking for much here"_

"You are" he said.

"...You really love getting in trouble, don't you?"

"Can't help it. I like fighting. I like the sound of my boot going into someone's gut. I like torturing someone with William Shatner's CD of Christmas carols."

She sighed. "What's a girl to do with a mercenary like you?"

He sighed and put his hand over his forehead. "Oh, I dunno, maybe another kiss would do the trick."

He grinned when she looked down at him with skepticism.

"Hey, you never know where it could lead" he reasoned.

"Please. I'm not that oblivious to your perviness" she replied. "Plus, _this right here"_

She heard another moan of pleasure when she gripped him through his pants.

"-has said more than enough."

"_Goodness. How bold of you, miss Paisley- nnn!"_ he suppressed another groan when she started moving her hand.

_[ This is sad.]_

_What the hell does that mean?_

_(Look at you. She's looking down at you with such interest, such innocence. She's just watching you get off. Don't you get it?)_

_..._

_[SHE'S TURNING YOU INTO THE B**CH!]_

_"I"m not giving in" _He hissed back. He felt his body getting hotter. "_nnn__Fuck that feels awesome!"_

"No? Well, okay then" She unwrapped her fingers and rolled off him and onto the bed.

"Hey, where're you?-" he quickly sat up and gripped his other hand down that wanted to reach out to her.

"You won't agree to the smallest request I made." She said in her usual sweet voice. "I'm not gonna yell at you. Or lose my temper because of your stubborn attitude. Just remember, you're the one who said no". With a small yawn, she turned off the lamp, took off her pants, and snuggled into her blankets. "Remember we gotta get up early tomorrow for London. Night, Poolie"

He sat in the dark,

aroused,

angry,

shocked,

his brain still processing what just happened

but in that moment where he heard nothing but the clock strangling him with each soft ticking sound, he thought about his little buddy, who was still pushing against his pants, begging for release. Does he go crawling back to her? Or does he just continue to sit there, with an erection? Crawling back, or prove the voices wrong and stick with his decision? Be the collared dog, or be the rebel his fans knew and loved and come (haha, "come") out of this a man and keep his machismo intact?

"Ow" he whimpered.

Jessica smiled to herself as she heard him get out of bed, stomp into the bathroom and slam the door shut.

hopefully those boring furniture magazines she left were enough to simmer him down.


	24. A New Level of Crazy

**Author's Notes: Hey everyone! So it's been a while since I've posted a new chapter- for which, I apologize for! Alright, let's get this goin' :D**

**BTW, if you see words in** {}** that means Jess is speaking Spanish. ****I would use Google translate for some extra help…**

**..if it actually translated correctly. Did ya'll not see that google translation of 'Let it go' on youtube? Yup, it's really trustworthy xD**

* * *

><p><strong>~~A few days later in London<strong>

* * *

><p>The first one to wake up was Deadpool, awakened by the sound of traffic outside. He walked around the streets for a while, not exactly paying attention to the hundreds of people he butted shoulders with and giving less of a shit at all the stares he was getting.<p>

_[I bet we would draw less stares if we climbed ontop of that tower]_

"Good idea"

With a stolen-

"S'cuse me, borrowed"

borrowed cup of coffee he yawned and walked along the ledge of the bell tower, finally sitting down with morning breakfast of a single burrito in his left hand and his coffee in the other hand.

"Of all places," he looked down at the crowds streaming through the streets "London" he said in disgust. "Jessica's still sleeping. Already did some sightseeing, got a couple of Lutherans admitted into a peep show, watched a couple of hobo fights, and cut a little girl's balloon string without her noticing. And it's not even 5:00 yet."

He let out a long, loud exaggerated sigh. His voice echoed into the bell tower and in a split second, a whole flock of pigeons came flying out at once, squawking and screeching as they went to go find a new place to rest.

"Yeah, well SQUAWK you too!"

_[You just screamed at some pigeons]_

"-And I won motherfucker. When it comes to a couple of stupid feathered bird brains, Deadpool always wins"

_(But when it comes to a 126 pound quiet, introverted, slightly-crazy-but-still-smokin-hot Columbian, you're about as lovesick as Peppe La Pew. B-t-dubs, take a shower already POOL-LA-PEW)_

"I keep telling you this is just my natural musk!" he insisted as he poured his burning hot coffee off the ledge and heard a man scream down below. "And don't call it lovesick. You make me sound like a softy."

_(After what happened a couple of nights ago, you already are one)_

"I didn't give in"

_[But you sure weren't prepared]_

"Even if we did a team up with the 11th doctor and went to the future, I don't think any of us would have ever been prepared for that"

_(Still, you kinda did lose in the end. Face it buddy, she's already started to put the pants in this relationship)_

"No she hasn't" he said bluntly. "You're making this out to be more than what it is."

_(I'm just sayin'. You really want to find yourself in a BDSM face mask, or do you want to be the one that calls the shots?)_

"First of all, being in a latex face mask would not be the first time. Second of all, who's the one that got called to do this job?"

_[...you were]_

"Who's the that keeps her out of harm's way?"

_(...You are..sorta. Very half assed though)_

"Who's the one that made the first move?"

_[But that was-]_

"I mean after the date. Who's the one that confessed the next day?"

_[She did]_

"Exactly! I'm the one she always goes to" He replied happily. "I've still got hand"

_[Tch. Yea, like barely]_

_(Who's the that cooks?)_

_[Who's the one that gets you out of shit you cause?]_

_(Who's the one that saved your ass when we almost got caught in the bar when we were snooping around?)_

_…_

_.._

_._

_[Need I remind you about chapter 19?]_

_(Face it, you're losing hand and you owe her big time)_

"I don't owe her anything!"

_(not even a week and you've lost your backbone. You do realize there is a line behind you. That millionaire dude who looks like Christian Bale, that blonde surfer twat, her other guy friend-)_

"So what do you suppose I do? You sound like you have all the fucking answers so tell me" he hissed as he stood up abruptly. Forgetting where he was, he took a few steps forward.

"...Wait…" he looked down and-

"Well, this is gonna hurt" he said before he plummeted 320 feet down. "FREEEE HUUUGS!" he screamed to the crowds below him as he fell.

_[YEAH I'M FREEE~!]_

_(FREE FALLIN!)_

Suddenly he heard a loud splat followed by a small pinch of excruciating pain shooting through whatever was left of his body. While people screamed and children cried as they saw the bloody lump of him lying on the ground, his healing factor was sewing up all the pieces of him together.

"Did my burrito make it?"

_[mmmno.]_

"Damn" he said as he saw bits of his smooshed breakfast lying not too far away from him. "You were my only friend, Mr. Burrito. I'll never forget you." He looked around him at all the people gathering to look at him and whistled to a red haired woman who was looking at him in horror.

"Hey Amy, how's the doctor? Hey! Where are you going? Tch, fine. Scream and run away, that's real polite"

He glanced to the right and saw something that was going from a mushy congealed substance to his regular deteriorated and discoloured hand. Once it was done healing, he closed and opened his hand a few times. Once his lower leg bone came locking in with his tibia bone, his femur came into place.

"The leg bone's connected to the- hip bone! The hip bone's connected to the-spine bone! Whoever made this song had- too much time on their hands!" He sang as he got up. Dusting himself off and waving to the paramedics that were rounding the corner to help him, he pushed his teleporter and bamf'd-

"Hey, can't do that. Marvel owns that word"

….Are you serious?

"Hey, would I ever lie to you?" he smiled charmingly.

Well, okay, fine. He poofed out of there.

"I sound like a magician. One FABULOUS magician!" he said as he walked back to the hotel. "Seriously though, you should just spit it out. Tell me the answer oh great voices in my head or someone who has unlimited power!"

Coincidentally, the clouds parted and a mysterious holy light shone down a few feet away from him.

"I'M OVER HERE"

_[I think it's telling you to go over there]_

He huffed and walked underneath the light. He stood there, waiting for the big guys to show him the answer, but nothing happened.

_[*sigh* turn around]_

"Every now and then I get a little bit lonely- Oh Bonnie Tyler, you're my favourite 80's girl" he finished as he turned to his left. He looked through a window shop and burst out laughing at what he saw.

"You sure dude? There's like a 50/50 chance that it will work!" the mercenary said as he looked at the novel. The light shone brighter and he was nearly blinded by how bright it was. "Alright, alright, I get it. Well, I guess there is a reason why it sold over 90 million copies. I'm doing a light version of this cuz we're entering a new level of cray"

_[You do realize that this book is catered towards lonely housewives...]_

_(Stop complaining and shut up, man! I wanna see where this goes :D)_

_[*Sigh* we all know where this is going]_

* * *

><p>"Jessica, it's nearly 2:00 in the afternoon, you seriously cannot still be sleeping" he said as he walked into the apartment, not bothering to kick off his boots.<p>

With the loud thumping of his feet hitting the ground, he went to the bedroom, whipped open the door and walked over to the bed. He ripped open the sheets and found she wasn't there anymore.

"I'm in the living room!" he heard her call out.

_[Alright, you ready?]_

"Yup. No pressure. Easy breezy lemon squeezy" he said as he played over what he was going to do. It wasn't that complicated. There were no suave one liners to be said, everything depended on timing, and more importantly, his quick reflexes . He took a deep breath, cracked his neck and walked in.

_(The hunter becomes the hunted. MUAHAHAHAA)_

Deadpool smiled evilly and pulled his mask up above his mouth.

"Hi, where were you?" she asked, still writing in her notebook. "I was starting to get a little worried, I was close to...u-um, Wade?" she glanced at him and when she saw the look in his eyes, she sensed something was off. He didn't do anything at first, just kept silent and walked over to her slowly. His white eyes and movements were cautious to her, almost calculating. She blinked and felt she needed to watch him for a few moments, to see what he was up to.

"Wade, whatever you're planning, don't you- eek!" she squeaked as she was gripped by her shirt and pulled into his arms. Before she could push his face away, he forced his mouth on her. Her eyes stayed wide open, shocked by the sudden heat of his lips on hers.

Then it dawned on her. His sudden affection towards her, the rough yet mind melting kisses.

She knew what he was trying to do.

And she would be damned if she let him have any hand in this.

"No!" she muffled.

"Yes" he murmured before he slipped his tongue into her mouth.

"Yum," he said between kisses. "Tastes like candy. Shouldn't be eating candy for breakfast, hon. S'bad for your teeth"

"You-mmph- taste like cilantro"

"Thanks"

Her growls turned into whimpers. The fists that pounded and pushed against him got weaker. She sighed and without consent her arms began to wrap around him.

"That's it" he mumbled between kisses.

Just when she felt like it was hopeless, the sound of her phone going off snapped her out of her trance and she immediately found the strength to pull away.

"Don't you dare go for that phone" He said darkly.

"...

…

…

Suck it up buttercup!" she smiled evilly before running out of his embrace and dashing to the kitchen. She ran as fast as she could and she could hear him running after her.

"Dammit Jessica!"

She saw her phone sitting on the table and with a quick swipe, she answered it and put it on speakerphone.

While she struggled with Deadpool who latched himself to her leg and refused to let go, she tried to level her voice and pretend like nothing was happening.

"H-Hello?" she replied sweetly as she was being pulled to the ground.

"Love meee" he said as his face was being smooshed away.

"Wade, do you little payback thing later, I'm on the phone!" she whispered to him as she was pinned to the ground.

"Nope! Sorry toots, this seems like a perfect time to get my revenge and I'm not-"

**"Why didn't you tell me you were coming home, douche bag!"**

Suddenly they froze and looked at the phone.

"Mari?" she pushed Deadpool off and crawled over to the phone.

_[Who's Mari?]_

**"Who do you think it is? Now answer the question"**

"Well, it was going to be a surprise!" Jessica replied weakly.

"You didn't even tell mom or dad"

_What is going on? Why is this happening? WHAT IS LIFE?_

_(I'm confused!)_

_[Is Mari her sister?]_

"Like I said IT'S A SURPRISE. Don't tell mom or dad!" Jessica said. "By the way, how did you find out?"

"Camilla told me"

"I told her to keep it a secret! Jeez, you think since she was the oldest she would be more trustworthy" Jessica frowned as her hands stayed busy trying to push Deadpool away.

"Well, just a heads up, you're coming to the dance academy"

"Oh good. Well, I'm glad I got a say in this" she replied sarcastically.

"Who're you with?"

Jessica turned to Deadpool and then said "...No one."

Deadpooled frowned "I resent that"

"OH, IT'S A GUY?" Hold on a second!- Lorena! Adriana! C'mere, she has a guy with her!"

"No! He's-arrgh" she grumbled as Deadpool smirked at her.

After a whole five minutes of her sisters asking lots of questions about the two, and him responding with just as much enthusiasm and weirdness, she finally took the phone from him and tried to steer the conversation to a close.

"OOoookay, that's enought of that"

"Awww" both her sisters and Deadpool said in unison.

"Mari, I'll be there soon. Don't tell mom or dad, okay?"

"Fine, fine" she replied boredly.

"Alright, I'll see you soon"

"...You guys should stay at our house" Adriana said.

"They are going to stay at our house" Mari replied. "They'll have the fourth floor. All to them seelves!"

Jessica nearly choked in embarrassment. "N-no! We'll just-"

"Don't worry Jess- you'll thank me later" Mari said suggestively. "Alrighty then, I'm going to go now...don't wanna be interrupting whatever's going on there if you know what I mean"

"{**Shut up Mari!}**"

"{**We'll see you soon byee!}**"

They quickly hung up and Jessica sighed in defeat.

"What's with that face? C'mon, turn that frown upside down!"

"Wade, you have no idea what you're in for"

He thought about it and finally replied, "Lots of fun in the sun and baby oil?"

"My sisters are going to harass you. And me."

"Nice"

"No, not 'nice'. You know how big my family is?"

He shook his head.

"Five sisters. Two brothers. Two parents. Plus me and you, that's 11 people living in a remotely small place. My parents go ballistic- a good ballistic- when they hear that I'm not isolating myself from the male population. It doesn't help when my sisters echo the same things they do. Plus, I'm not sure how you feel about this. Are you comfortable with meeting my family?"

He thought about it. There wasn't any doubt in his mind that if he were to show up on their doorstep, they were bound to put a few restraining orders on him (almost anybody that met him did). At the same time, he didn't want to be the cause for Jessica not being able to be at home.

So which was it? Risk being booted to the curb, or try and be the friendliest little 6 ft 2 boy scout of all the land?

_(I say go for it! It'll be fun! :D)_

"It's up to you" she said." I won't be mad at whatever you chose"

_(Her sisters are offering the whole fourth floor to us)_

_[Just stay hidden-]_

_Psh, easy peesy!_

_[-And quiet.]_

_Shit._

"...We'll have the whole fourth floor right?"

She nodded.

He took a deep breath and said "Sure, I'll meet'im. Can't be that bad right? I've done worse. Faced worst. like that time when I played the scary maze game. Or when I sold a dead bird to a blind kid. And then the blind kid beat me at chess"

_[Or the fact that they still won't make a Deadpool movie T.T]_

"I'll be fine" he reassured her. "I'll be fine...I'll be fine...I'll be fine" he whispered to himself. Jessica shook her head in disbelief. He was still willing to go through with this, even if it was scaring the crap out of him. She kissed him on the cheek, happy about the amount of courage he was showing.

"Please don't do this on my account" she said.

'_No, I have to_' he looked off into the distance dramatically. '_I'm no wuss. I'm trying to impress a girl. I'll get through this. No one calls Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya Del Rosa Ramirez a wuss!'_

She blinked and finally said, "You realize you said that out loud right?"

"...Right, I knew that"

"I'm grateful that you're willing to do this"

He smirked. "How grateful are you?" he pulled her on top of his lap.

"You're kinda ruining the moment here" she responded, her voice timid.

"No, I'm not. You're happy, I'm happy, the moment's not gone" he said between kisses as his hands started wandering.

"You're doing this outta revenge right?" she muttered while she felt his hands slip into her pants. "Ahhh" she bit her tongue when she felt his fingers enter her, instantly moving around and stretching her.

"Meh, wanted to. Now it's for different reasons."

She grumbled in mild annoyance, but her heartbeat couldn't help but start to go faster under his touch.

"I was right about you. You're happy down here too!" he said as he briefly took his hand out and showed her the evidence that drenched his fingers. She squeaked and quickly looked away.

"Ah, ah, ah." he murmured as he slapped her bottom incredibly hard.

"AH!" she yelped.

"Keep watching" he ordered her. Slowly, she looked down and watched in embarrassment. She mewled in protest, not exactly wanting to look, but every time her eyes went somewhere else, his sudden slaps reminded her to keep her eyes focused. She clamped her hand over her mouth when he started pumping hard and fast.

"Wow, you're sensitive aren't ya sweetie pie?" he grinned as he felt her body start to shudder under his touch. "There ya go, just a few more…" he encouraged as she quietly sighed in pleasure.

_(Gettin hand again, high five, man! Oh I rhymed! :D)_

_[No you didn't]_

By the feel of her body and the quiet mewls that became ragged and quick, he knew that she was close.

_[As much as I'm enjoying this, there's someone outside watching]_

"I know" he said under his breath. Deadpool looked past her and saw the mysterious masked figure outside, sitting on top of the building across from them. Deadpool knew a goon when he saw one. Just a small little pawn that were easily disposable, and better yet, were the little easter eggs filled with useful info about their boss.

"Look," she panted "I-I'm sorry I did that...apparently-_nn!_- that wasn't the nicest thing to do to persuade you...I can't help it though-_ahh!_...the years of being in a brothel where your job is to be the dominant one, you kinda leave the place with that habit embedded into your -miind! _Ahh!_" she panted harshly as another moan threatened to come out.

"So?" he finally said. "I left Weapon X with the skills of a friggin awesome generatin' degenerate, but you don't see me going around and- oh wait…"

_(Idiot)_

_[Might wanna look in the mirror again buddy]_

"My point exactly." she sighed. "You just can't shake off old habits...I won't stop trying to be the dominant one, and you won't-_ahhn!_"

"Right..." he said, not exactly listening to her anymore. Deadpool's smile turned even bigger when the man realized he was being stared at, and started packing up to leave.

_[What a shitty goon]_

_(Geez, they should cut that guy's pay for being caught)_

"You realize you're losing this battle right?" he smiled

"I haven't cummed yet" she breathed, still biting back the loud moans that wanted to come out.

"Your stubborn attitude just makes this process all the more enjoyable" he whispered, taunting her. "And I hate to break it to ya kiddo, but I'm not losing this battle. Soon as you accept this, you're gonna have to say goodbye to your little habit" he couldn't help but chuckle at what he was about to do next. "But for me though? Nope, not today" he pulled his hand away and started getting up.

"H-hey, why are you….where are you going?" her nails stopped digging into his back and he nearly laughed when a quick flash of genuine anger ran across her features.

"Just stay here okay? I'll be back in a second. There's another one of those guys sitting outside watching us" he said as he sucked off the juices that were on his fingers. "Jeez, that mysterious duo back in chapter 23 don't really know how to pick good lackeys do they? Every time they send one out to watch us they never return to them. Least, not in one piece" he smiled as he pulled out one of his katanas.

"...Can't they wait?"

"Ummm, not really? Besides, you really want some stranger to watch you turn to a mushy puddle of love? Cuz I sure don't."

_[That's for our eyes only]_

_(Daayum STRAIGHT)_

Before she could stop him, he turned and trotted over to the window. "Anyway, I'm doin' you a favour. Don't you wanna save whatever's left of your pride and prove to the readers that you aren't you pushover?" with that said, he opened the window and jumped out, leaving her on the ground.

Jessica was left there speechless, still trying to process what had just happened. Still on the tiled ground and staring at the window, she suddenly saw the mercenary run back into the room and before she could smush his face to keep him from getting any closer, he quickly grabbed the sides of her face and gave her a kiss.

"*MMMMMMMMWAH!*" He said as he kissed her. A muffled squeal came from her as she tried to wriggle away from him. "Just a souvenir for the road" he said before he gave her another kiss. "*mwah!*"

_(Ooh, now do one for me!)_

"*mwah!*"

_[Me too]_

"*mwah*"

Finally being released, she gasped for air.

"Okay, now I'm ready to kick some ass" he declared as he quickly hopped back out into the window. "Be back in a jiff, sweetums!" he smiled charmingly at her and disappeared again. Her mouth hung mouth in shock and her heart felt like it had turned to mush.

"That- jerk!" She hissed to herself. "What a-a…" Jessica trailed off.

She swallowed hard. She had never felt so dominated in her entire life. Sure, he was usually persistent, but this time….

He was so forceful, so masterful...so in control and confident.

It was that thought that she knew she had been isolated from men for waayy too long.

"I'm going crazy, aren't I?" she said quietly as she felt her cheeks burn up and her heart continued to pound. Not saying any more, she whimpered and slowly got up, trudging out of the kitchen.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's notes: Hmm, should I keep writing? I feel like the more I read about Shiklah and Deadpool it just gets even more weirder for me and my story …<strong>

**I'm really tryin not to be discouraged people, but it's a bit weird for me to write this and meanwhile he's in the process of being with someone else. **

**hm.**

***sigh* **

**Actually, fuck it. I'm not leaving this damn thing. Imma keep writing :)**


	25. A New Level of Crazy 2

**Wait, is it too late to do disclaimer? I forgot about that ^.^''**

**Disclaimer!: Deadpool belongs to Marvel, not me. Also, any other characters from Deadpool that might possibly be mentioned in the future do not belong to me either. The music mentioned in the past/future chapters do not belong to me either. **

**Author's notes: This chapter should not have taken longer than it did. And for that I can only apologize over and over and just hope you guys are still with me!**

**Wait! I almost forgot to mention that if you see dialogue typed** **in ****bold, then that means that Jessica is speaking with her accent. I'll try to use some actual Spanish words in the story, but if I'm not able to, I'll use these brackets for indication that she's speaking Spanish****: {}**

**therewegolet'sstoptalkingbyee:)**

* * *

><p>Quincy held the phone to his ear, nodding at what Proteus was saying. "Proteus, continue to keep a close watch on them, especially on Jessica. Have you been able to get a closer look at her?"<p>

"No. He's on constant guard around her so I've only seen glimpses of her"

"So you haven't seen any signs that suggest that the mark is beginning to take affect?"

"Nope."

"Alright. For now, just keep watching over them. Anything you see that is strange-her behavior, her appearance- let me know immediately"

"Roger that, Mr. Boss man"

Quincy rolled his eyes at the childish title and simply hung up. He patted his hand against a bible that was placed beside him.

"Satan, you have sent a demon to tempt my possession. Guard your life, my daughter, you must not let yourself be driven to such desires . I understand though, it has been years since you've relied on your abilities to reject what is sinful. Without your powers, you've let yourself go soft- allowed yourself to see people in a better light. But now... " He walked over to the small, old withered black book that placed on a black coffee table and opened it. "Now, I will help remind yourself of who you are and where you came from. The process will no doubt be painful, but in the end, we will be finally be together…" he flipped through the pages patiently until he found the correct spell. "and we'll be a family again"

Proteus hung up and told Aella the news. "Proteus, I'm getting impatient. I've had it up to here with playing shadows. Quincy's men are such shit" she replied, glaring. "Can't even last a minute when they go scout for them"

He glanced at her and a faux smile appeared. "Patience, my love, patience. All good things come to those who wait" he turned away and looked at the crowds below him.

"I had one chance on that night with him. I finally have his drink spiked and you come showin up on your high horse, telling me that my way isn't how we should take care of him. Another 30 minutes with him and I woulda-"

"I fail to understand that spiking his drink was really a necessity to bring him in. If anything, you were really trying to-"  
>"Proteus. <em>How'd you like to experience a 300 foot drop from this building?<em>" she seethed.  
>"I'm just saying" he smiled. After that, he said nothing more, and snapped his fingers. Instantly, twenty of Quincy's men showed up, wearing a black suits with black Guy Fawkes masks.<br>"Don't get in my way, Proteus. Tonight, I'll be taking the wheel" she warned as she quickly jumped off the roof to another building. Proteus smiled and shook his head in disbelief. Then he realized the men were still standing there with him. "Well, go on. Follow her!" he scolded them in a childish manner. As he watched the group run after her, he took out a black orb and with fluent hand movements, the orb floated around and in between his fingers.

Finally, he said,"Y'know I can't help but think: what if she finds out they're together...?"  
>He thought about it and then shrugged. "I guess we'll find out soon"<br>With that, he teleported elsewhere, leaving the surface of the building empty and spotless, just as it had been before.

* * *

><p>"C'mon, c'mon..." Deadpool fumbled with the small device and quietly cursed as his eyes focused on the goon.<p>

_(Oh, there's one right over there!)_

_[Ready? One…]_

"No,no! Wait, I'm not ready!"

_(two…!)_

"Timsies! Timsies! My body's not ready!" Deadpool quickly ripped the headphone cord out and instantly-

_(Three! :D)_

* * *

><p><strong>Play <em>Hooked on a feeling<em> by Blue Swede :)**

* * *

><p>"-<em>I'M HOOKED ON A FEELINGI'M HIGH ON BELIEVING_-"

_[This is my jam]_

"_THAT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH MEEEE_" Deadpool sang out as he sliced through a throat and grabbed the other goon who tried to bolt past him.

"WHAT THE FU-"

**BLAM!BLAM!**

"Hey, those aren't the words to the song!" he scolded the now limp body as he held it by the collar. "Now, you just leave the singing to moi and you do you, 'kaysies?" he smiled and grabbed the goon's waist, pulling it into a tight embrace while he gripped the hand and began to dance with it. "_LIPS AS SWEET AS CANDY_" other goons began to appear and Deadpool continued to busy himself with dancing and dipping the goon every which way. "_THEIR TASTE IS ON MY MIND/ GIRL, YOU KEEP ME THIRSTY/ FOR ANOTHER_"

**CH-CHAK BLAM**

"_-CUP OF WINEEAHH/ I GOT IT BAD FOR YOU G-_ ….hey, where'd he go?" he looked at his empty arms.

_[You threw him off the building when you tried to spin him]_

"Ah." Deadpool looked around him and noticed the other guys circling him. "Well, *ahem* buenos dias signor-brohas! ¿Cómo es que todo el mundo hoy? Didja see that upside down question mark? Look how classy we're getting on this bullshit fanfiction! And dat spanish too!" he beamed. "...did that one upside down question mark show up?"

Two men charged at him and he easily dodged them and flipped them over the railing, letting them fall off the building. "You'll have to thank the lady of my loins- or, in this case- the lamb of my loins. She's been teachin' me some classy ass spanish. You'll have to excuse my accent though. Still haven't gotten that down pat" he said. The remaining four stood there, hesitant now of the mercenary's upbeat tone and merciless intention. "So!" he slapped his fist against his open palm and cracked his knuckles. "Who's next? Plenty of DP to go around...and by DP I mean Deadpool not double penetration, hahahaha!"

"..."

"hah...haha...eh..."

"..."

"Let's just do this" Deadpool said flatly.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile with Jessica...<p>

* * *

><p>{And once you got him in a place where he can't back off and he's completely under your mercy, you THROW HIM TO THE GROUND!}<p>

Jessica suddenly choked on her drink and spewed. "MARI!"

{Heh, heh. I know. I'm a genius, aren't I?}

"Don't listen to her niña, she's been watching those stupid Mexican wrestling matches"

{Hey Dante. And yes, I can tell} Jessica sighed as she continued to lay on her bed, letting the sun dry her wet body. She yawned and brought her other hand to her back, her fingers brushing her skin. On her back, was a horrible burn mark that stretched from her left shoulder down to her right hip. Suddenly absorbed in the horrible disfigurement that covered her back, she put her long hair over her chest to get a better feel of the burn.

{Look, just because he's like that doesn't mean he doesn't want it. C'mon, you're a full, hot-blooded, Colombian woman. Passionate, fiery. Plus, you're an Aries. Known to drown your lovers in romance and leave them completely at your beck and call, trembling in lust for you}

{Ew. I do not want to drown people} As her fingers traced the burn, she felt one particular part of her shoulder that nearly made her curse out in sudden pain. She grabbed a small mirror and brought it to her back. With some adjustments, her eyes caught something. On her shoulder was a bruise. As quick as the pain came, it disappeared. She looked at it carefully and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Thinking nothing of it, she put down the mirror and laid her head back down.

Deadpool, who had arrived still pulling out a few knives and trying not to bleed all over the floor, walked into the living room from the balcony as he listened to the Hydra agent who decided to call him while he was heading home.

"What do you mean 'they're after you' ?" Deadpool whispered on the phone, careful not to speak too loudly as Jessica was in her bedroom. He listened to the panicked voice of the Hydra agent that was on the other line.

"Well, all I can say to you, my green M&M, is this: you know that thing you're thinking of doing? The thing that you're most well known for? Do the exact opposite. Okay? Okay. Well, I gotta go bro-cha-cho, I got things to do, like travel to the exotic homeland of bikinis and thousands of pairs of warm fleshy mounds and barely-there clothes" his pervy grin wavered as he listened to the voice on the other line."Rio, you dummy. I'm going to Rio, not Florida. Yuck, Florida's for old people and bad elections. Anyways, remember your training Bob! " Deadpool beamed. Before he could let his friend continue, Deadpool said goodbye and hung up.

* * *

><p><strong>Meanwhile with Bob...<strong>

* * *

><p>"-remember your training Bob!"<p>

Before he could say anything else, the line cut off. Bob tried to level his breathing. He stared at the phone in his hand and nearly screeched when he heard a plate shatter on the kitchen.

"Who was that?" the scratchy, heavy voice came from the kitchen.

"No one. J-just a telemarketer" Bob said to Allison. "What happened?"

"Dropped a plate"

"Ah." he said. The conversation ended and Bob tried to keep the chattering of his teeth to a minimum. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what Deadpool meant when he said do the opposite of what he was thinking. He didn't have a lot of options or places to hide. Weasel told him to screw off and left without saying where he was going.

Like the mysterious duo said, they would be back, and Bob could either do as they say and try to keep close contact with Deadpool in order to report back to those two, or he could go with his own plan and do what he did best at, which was make a run for it.

The latter sounded better.

...But where would he go?

"You still never got that plunger!" His wife said from the kitchen.

_'y'know the the thing that you're thinking of doing?'_

"You mean not running to you?" he muttered to himself.

_'Do the exact opposite . Get my drift? Remember your training, Bob!'_

But wouldn't following him mean even more danger? On the other hand, Bob and him were bestest of friends; Wade would never let anything happen to him! As long as they were hip to hip, Bob would have a better chance at staying alive when he was with someone who could not die from anything. With that thought, he smiled, happy at the conclusion he had come to.

He quietly tip toed to the door and grabbed the keys."Right, I'm going to go pay some bills. I'll be back soon!"

"WITH THE PLUNGER?"

"YUP!"

* * *

><p>She adjusted the towel that wrapped around her soaked hair and got up to sit at the edge of her bed.<p>

{I can't wait to meet him. Talkative, difficult. A handful. He sounds like me. I like'im already. How serious is this?} Mari beamed.

{He's not difficult. I said he's unpredictable. Stop putting words in my mouth} she said casually. {And I can't really answer that. I...think we're just- actually, nevermind. I can't say anything right now. I'm not really sure where this is going, but I like it}

{Hm. Not sure, huh? Well, what's he look like?} Mari asked.

She paused and then shrugged. {I dunno. I've only seen the bottom half of his face}

{...What?} Maricella froze.

{S'cuse me?} Adriana stopped and walked over to Maricella.

{Adrian? Oh my god, how many of you are eavesdropping!?}

{All of us except Julius. Now, focus}

{*sigh* Whatever. Anyways, yes. I've only seen the bottom half of his face}

{That's impossible!} Maricella said.

{Okay, how many wanna bet she's totally making her boyfriend up again?} Dante yelled.

{I!} Adriana said.

{I!} Lorena added.

{I} Camilla said.

{I THINK YOU'RE NUTS!} Julia yelled in the background.

{Thanks, Julia} Jessica said.

{No, no,no. She's just not tell us something. C'mon, tell us. From the top, okay?}

{Okay. Fine, So you know he's my bodyguard} Jessica started.

{Bodyguard turned boyfriend. A Bodyfriend. Yup} Adriana said.

{6'2} Jessica continued.

{has Tyler Durden's abs, apparently} Julia added.

{I just said he's nice...to look at} Jessica blushed. {Anyway, you ever heard of the name 'Deadpool'?}

{...No} they all said.

{Is that his Mexican wrestler name?} Adriana asked.

{No, he's English. Otherwise the name would be 'Djeadpool'} Dante said.

{No, he's not-! *sigh* Okay, he's kinda like a mercenary. His name is Wade. He wears a suit and mask. Black and red} Jessica heard murmuring and then Camilla saying, {He sounds like Spider Man}

{Oh my god, are you getting freaky with Spider man!?} Maricella squealed.

{What? NO! Who the heck is Spider Man?} she grabbed the red robe that was draped over the computer chair and put it on.

{How do you not know who Spider Man is?} Dante shook his head.

{Stuupid!} Julia sang in a mocking tone. Suddenly all her older siblings started talking at once and Jessica could only groan out in exhaustion.

{Everyone SHADDUP!} Camilla yelled and everyone quieted down. {so, he's a mercenary}

{Yes} she confirmed.

{He kills for money}

{Y...yes} she grabbed the glass of water that was on the nightstand and took a deep drink.

{So he's dangerous}

{...}

{And you're bringing him here. To our home. To mom and dad and Julius}

{He's only dangerous to others. People that would come after him or me, or, now that he's meeting you all, you guys}

{Jessica...} her tone was disapproving and Jessica could already sense they were going to argue.

{Camilla, he's good, he's good!} she whimpered. {I promise he's fine! I wouldn't bring him near you if I didn't think he was alright}

{But he has blood on his hands. He's killed people!}

{Camilla-} Maricella tried to intervene but Camilla, being the oldest, remained in control.

{No, Maricella, not now. He's not alright if he's decided to part of...of that kind of crowd}

{Camilla-} Jessica's voice was small and she felt the weight of Camilla's growing disapproval on her shoulders.

{I love you, Jessica, but this guy doesn't seem right. Whether you've decided to block this fact out or not-}

{Camilla, if you could just let me explain-}

{-I'm not. And if you think I'm just going to let him in and near Julius and the baby that's coming on the way-}

{Camilla, please-} Jessica's hands that were now wrapped around a glass tightened, and with each word from her older sister, she was reminded of herself from before, years ago when she was a child.

{-then dammit Jessica, I can't help but feel sorry for you-}

**KRAKK!**

Unconsciously, Jessica gripped the glass that was in her hand so hard that it broke. The pieces crashed to the floor and her hand remained clean of blood or cuts. Her eyes had grown dark and angry. She was completely furious at Camilla's words.

{Are you done?} Jessica hissed. {Right then. I think it's slipped your mind, Camilla, that we didn't exactly grow up with what we have now. You should remember from when we were children that we grew up with all the wrong kinds of people}

{Hey!} Mari and Julia retorted in the background.

{Excluding Mari, Julia and Dante. But look what happened! Mom found us and took us in. Even when we all ended up telling them about what we did before- and when I told them about Quincy- they still wanted us. They knew what we were capable of, yet they still trusted us}

It was quiet on the other end and finally Dante spoke up. {She's right, Camilla. Don't give'im shit before you've met'im}

{Camilla, for god's sakes have some faith in others. I'm kind insulted that you thought you were the boss of this. We're all old enough to make our decisions and Jessica's not stupid} Adriana mildly scolded.

{I'm insulted that you're very subtly thinking that we're all not capable of physically handling this guy} Maricella said to Camilla. {We may have stopped living on the streets, but that doesn't mean we still don't know how to fight like we're back there. By the way, you ready to practice with me and dad?}

Jessica's expression softened {Yeah. Might be a little rusty though}

{...I just don't want anything to happen. I don't wanna lose another one of my siblings} Camilla said with honesty, her voice still tense and unfriendly.

{Nothing will happen if you got the right amount of patience and kindness. Just see him, talk to him} she carefully picked up the pieces of glass and threw them away. {Cam, we've seen a lot of people who are so mentally disturbed and psychotic,that they are to the point where they can never come back. But this one…} she thought about it, and finally said, "Some part of him is still human. He still has a heart" suddenly she blushed at the slightly embarrassing remark she promised she would never say out loud, and was quick to escape the conversation. {Um, I gotta go. Judging from your reactions I now have to actually prepare for the visit back home}

{No, no! We can tell them. At least give them a heads up. Can we? Pleease} Mari pleaded, wanting to restitch the tension that was between Camilla and her sister.

{My visit is supposed to be kept under wraps, remember? Actually, what's the difference if you ask me? One of you six are gonna tell him, with or without my permission. Camilla} Jessica teased.

{Urgh, lay off Jess you know how Mari is} Jessica smiled as she heard Camilla's smile return. {Never shuts up until she gets what she wants. But I'll make sure to keep all the yipping to a minimum. I promise}

"Whatever you say," she rolled her eyes. "anyways, I'll see you later, okay?"

"Alright niña, see you later!" Mari shrilled. "Oh and I thought of another tip for your little dilemma"

"what?"

"Maybe if you like, tell him something personal, maybe he'll get comfortable and stuff"

"You mean open up to him?" she said quietly.

"yeah. relationships are based on trust and all that mushy crap. It doesn't hurt to show a little more…'skin' " Mari shrugged. "...Just wondering, have you showed him your scar?"

"No" her voice was small and unsure. "No...N-not yet"

"Just try it out. That's if you're comfortable with it. Anyways, see ya!"

After saying a thousand goodbyes to all of her older siblings, she finally hung up and sighed out in pure exhaustion. She rubbed her temples for a moment before laying her head back on the pillow.

Deadpool, who had finished his conversation and was walking past her room, overheard the conversation and paused outside her door. Then he peeked through the small opening. His eyes widened as he caught sleeping with her back to him. With the window open, the sunlight was outlining every curve of her. With the wind blowing through the open windows, and the lack of knowledge that a certain someone was there, the edge of the robe rose higher and higher. He clenched his teeth. Damn. Whether she knew or not, she was an incredible distraction for him. Not good.

Not good.

At all.

_[Mrrrow! Would you look at that?]_

_(*LE GASP* didja hear that? A heart! We still got a-]_

*SLAP*

_(OW, why'd you slap mee? T.T)_

_[Because she can't be talking about us, doofus. Probably somebody else. So what exactly are we doing here, peeking through the crack in the door?]_

_(Based on his heavy breathing and hard stare I'd say we're perving out)_

_[Just by watching her?]_

_(Yeah, because like, that's the insane weirdo merc we are)_

Suddenly he realized what he was doing and shook his head, forcing himself to look away.

"Wait- No! I…I can't!" he whispered.

_[What?]_

"I shouldn't be peeping! This ain't...like,heroic and stuff! Good guys don't do this kinda shit!"

_(Oh, he's jumping ships in this fanfiction?)_

_[Apparently]_

"I have a rep to maintain!"

_(It may not be heroic, but you're turning around again. C'mon man, cut the bullcrap. Don't act like you've never done this before)_

He quickly covered his eyes with his hands.

_[There's a gap between your fingers]_

_(Don't push it away, buddy. Just embrace it. Chapter 9, dude, that's all I'm saying)_

_[That didn't count. All we saw was a blur. Stupid branch can't hold a full grown 6'2 man with binoculars for 40 seconds?] _

"Must….not….perv...out. I can't! I shan't!"

_('Shan't'?)_

_[Short for 'shall not'? Anyway, maybe we'll get lucky and the readers will finally get their lemon scene today. But let's check in on the big kahuna here that's drooling all of the place, and ask him what he thinks of the dark haired dame. Poolsies, what are your thoughts on her?]_

_(Isn't it pretty obvious? Dude, your nose is gonna start bleeding)_

Jessica sighed out in exhaustion. Suddenly she heard a noise. It sounded almost like heavy breathing. Suddenly she realized who was outside her door and she sighed out in mild disbelief. With the breathing and sensing the amount of limited impatience he was having, she felt like an animal soon to be attacked. The thought reminded her of his selfish act he had done in the kitchen.

Though she hate to admit it, Deadpool did quite a number on her pride after that little incident. It had been a while since she had been touched, and his pawing was something that was not like the men at the brothel, _Safari_, or anything like Quincy's. That's why this remained so fun and yet frustrating.

Deadpool grinned as he saw her lying on the covers, her body slightly rising and falling as she breathed deeply.

_[No, this is such a bad idea]_

_(this is a bad idea but I love it)_

_[Don't encourage him]_

_(Oh, calm down mom. She can't possibly get that angry)_

_[Don't do it]_

He inched closer.

_[Poor choices]_

He moved behind her, creeping up on her. Inhaling deeply and holding his breath, he was ready to let out a scream that would scare the living daylights out of her.

_[Hurry, before we all end up at the hospital, find his off button!]_

_(Dude, I am not searching anywhere around this contraption we're stuck in)_

_and a-one..._

_[Nope.]_

_A-two…!_

_[Nope!]_

_A-THREE_

_[NOOOPE]_

"Don't. Even. Think about it**.**"

"PFFFTTHURGH" he let out an abrupt sound that was similar to a balloon deflating. He quickly pulled his mask halfway up and wiped all the spray of saliva."How'd you know it was me?" he grumbled.

She yawned. Her mind was becoming groggy as the pills she took earlier were now taking effect. "mmbecause I'm aweshm"

She inwardly made note of what was on her back and how Wade was behind her. She didn't hear a reply, but instead felt the bed move a bit. She mumbled in mild protest as she felt the heat of his body warm her back and his hands brush her waist. Suddenly she squeaked out as his leg was completely over her and his arm was trapping her down.

"OhgodWadenothisagain! Off, Wade- that's enough- get off...! You're too-urgh-heavy!"

"Deadpool sleepyyy"

"_Wade? Are you hearing me? You can't keep doing this I'm gonna end up a pancake if you keep smushing me. I swear, if you try to do anything right now I'll_..._!_"

"..."

"Wade?"

"..."

"_._..He's asleep**.**" she said quietly to herself. His body relaxed and his breathing evened. "Jeez, I wish I could just go to sleep like that" she sighed as she felt his arms bring her closer, and soon she was turned over to face him, acting like a cushy pillow. '_Oh well..._**_'_** she thought as his hands buried her head into the crook of his neck. '_I guess it could be worse'_

"PSST- not really sleeping!" he said into her ear. "Besides, if I try to grope you now, I'll undo all of that beautiful bonding we've been doi-"

"Oh my god, Wade, are you kidding me right now with your breath!?" she was suddenly hit with his breath and quickly covered her nose, slightly pushing him away from her.

"...I had chipotle for lunch"

_(annnd lemon scene gone)_

She sighed at his unperturbed behaviour, and got out of his arms to go change behind the changing screen. "How long were you there for?" she asked as she undressed.

"Iwasonlythere'tilthepartaboutsomeonehavingaheartorsomething" he said quickly, wanting to distract her. "Who's got a heart? Is it a heart of gold? Oh, sounds expensive as hell"

"Priceless" she said quietly. "Wade?"

"Yes, my little tamale?"

"There's a saw still wedged into your ankle. And I can see you trying to slip closer to the changing screen" she said as she pulled her unruly hair together to tie up.

"Damn." he reached down and ripped out the saw, tossing it onto the ground. "Anyways, I would tots go and rip out that guy's chest for it. Imagine that bid on Ebay"

_[No matter how hard you stare at that screen, you're not gonna burn a hole through it with your eyes]_

_Let me dream, man!_

"Please don't rip out your own heart. I know you can regenerate but I don't think I wanna have that skill of cleaning blood out of the carpet" she said. _'Or, at least, regain that skill'_ she mentally added. Judging by the pause, she knew that he was registering what she was saying. Meanwhile she came out and grabbed her shoes on the way to the door.

"...You were talking about me?" he slowly got up and looked at her standing at the door, already dressed in a white blouse and tan coloured pencil skirt.

"Uh-huh"

_[Be cool. Be cool. Cool as a-]_

_(HEHEHEHEHEHE, OH STAHP IT!)_

_BE COOL, DINGUS_

_[Alright, pull yourself together. She's just a woman. You work with women all the time!_

_…_

_…._

_..well, not all the time, but you've seen a woman before and she's a woman, so you like, just*sigh* just- GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER]_

Not knowing how to react, he stood there awkwardly, whistling a random tune and trying to find a comfortable way to stand.

"So you wanna go out with me?" she asked. "I have some things to do before we leave tomorrow."

"Ha, er, ah...I...I" he cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his head. "Umm…"

She smiled as she watched him stutter. She shook her head as she headed out into the hallway. "Are you always this articulate-?"

"-SURE." he finally blurted out. "Y-yeah. Just- let's go"

She stifled her laughter as he quickly grabbed her wrist and lead her out the door. "Aw, what's wrong?" she giggled, teasing. "Going to faint again?"

"Don't start with me, Jessica" he growled.

"I'm surprised I didn't hear a loud thump when you were out here"

"Hey, shut uppa yo face!" he cracked a smile as he pushed her ahead of him, giving himself an opportunity to swat at her bottom.

"Ack! Hey don't do that! I'm still-"

"Sore?" he said in a childish tone. "aw, my poor widdle snookums! Here, let Deadpool kiss it alll bett-"

**_Smack_!**

"Ouch!" he winced as his hand was forced to retreat from her slap.

"**Wade," **She snapped. "**Ni siquiera intentes**"

Suddenly his ears buzzed and his heartbeat spiked for just a split second.

_[There's the accent]_

_(Whew, who knew a simple change in language and pronunciation could make a guy quiver in his little red booties)_

He swallowed and tried to keep calm. "What, you're still grumpy about the kitchen thing?"

"**N-no**" she quickly interrupted. Jessica turned back and studied his large white eyes. She raised her eyebrow. Something was wrong. "**¿Cuál es el problema?**"

"Nothing" he quickly said, feeling the same small electricity again. He quickly looked away from her and tried to calm down, focusing hard on nothing in particular. "What's yours?"

She shrugged and remained silent. "**Nada. Nada en absoluto"**

"I'm not really sure I believe you." he said, a smile appearing.

"**¿Sí? Qué es lo que le hace estar tan seguro?**" she said as they made they made their way down the stairs to the outside door.

"First,your ears, which are turning bright red" He brushed her hair aside and touched the lobe of her ear. She grumbled and wriggled out of his grip. They were walking down the sidewalk and he had no trouble keeping up with her. "Second, your stutter" he casually adjusted his gloves and stretched his arms above his head, adjusting to the absence of his weapons."Third, your accent. When you get all huffy your accent is clearer. You finished the job didn't you?" He walked alongside her and when she didn't respond, he shrugged. "Hey toots, you brought this merc in your hands _alll_ by yourself. You shoulda known that this one in particular comes with a whole lotta-"

"**Perviness?**"

"Love. I was gonna say love" he said, averting her knowing smile.

* * *

><p><em>*DIIING DONG DIIING*<em>

_"Please stand clear of the doors"_

Proteus quickly slipped in the subway's doors just as it was about to close. Seeing as he was among the public, he decided to wear normal clothes instead of his usual mask and attire.

"She's not alone. Deadpool's still with her, sitting with her. They're just...talking." Proteus murmured into the bluetooth as he stood on the subway train, keeping a close watch over them. He took a quick glance at the blonde female across from him that kept looking at him with interest. Not interested, he brushed off her brazen stare and focused on the dark haired girl and the suited man standing at the end of the subway."What the hell…?"

"What is it?" Quincy said while he watched the surgeons prep and bring the mobile bed in.

Despite his professionalism, Proteus' nonchalant expression changed as he observed Deadpool. "...Er, he's hanging upside down from the train's hanging straps"

Quincy didn't reply.

"Hello, nice to meet'cha I'm Deadpool. Welcome, welcome. Come aboard on the 'Pool Express!"

_(Spider man, Spider man, _

_Pools can be a better spider man)_

_[Pretty sure_

_ Parker's gay. _

_That's okay._

_We'll still love'im anywayLOOKOUUUT_

_here comes the poolderman]_

_(I'm tellin ya, we should totally be a band! With all the moneh, we'll be makin it WAYYNNEE)_

_[Shut up with that joke, nobody understands it except for you]_

"Au contraire mon frere" Deadpool looked at you and winked.

...Okay, just for the record, do you even know what that means?

"Nope. But it sounds cool" he replied.

"What is he, a red crested braying jackass?" Proteus looked at him and then at Jessica, who was busy talking to people that recognized her.

"He's been known as that" Quincy replied. "Don't underestimate him though. Although he can be foolish, he's capable of the most barbaric crimes. He's affiliated with the most well recognized and dangerous people. There's a reason why she hired him"

Proteus silently observed Deadpool as he creeped a man who did not give him a high five and passed him. Jessica, who noticed this, clicked her tongue and called his name, making him quickly abort his mission and run back down the hallway before he could get caught.

"Hey, I'm not a dog" Wade said as he passed her and clasped his hands on the ceiling's handrails, swinging from them.

"Then how come you responded?" she replied smartly but teasingly. Having no comeback, he simply stared at her with a mild scowl. When the train stopped, they got off and Proteus kept in close pursuit.

"I don't think I like your tone, JP." he said. Then he tapped her forehead with his finger. "Bad girl" he scolded.

"Oh, Wade, I never claimed to be nice" she laughed."And it's JM"

"JM?"

"Yeah. Jessica Michaelis. JM"

_[Or, if you slur it, JMI. Jamie]_

_(No, no, noo! You got say it in a French accent! More phlegm. J-ECCCHHHHHMI)_

"...I'll just call you JP"

She smiled. "Whatever you say, thundercloud"

_(Thundercloud. I like that. Man, sometimes she can be so cool)_

_[And then other times she says things like, 'get lost, applesauce' ]_

Wade quietly chuckled and continued to follow her. He kept close to her, and throughout their walk through the streets, he tried to keep his cool. But with just walking around, not chucking somebody into a vendor, or putting 5 bullets into a goon, or running from someone who wanted him dead, he felt out of place.

"Easy, Wade" she said, touching the hand that gripped onto hers tighter and tighter. "Are you used to being by yourself all the time? How long has it been since you've had a slow paced day?"

"Too long" he said to her, but more to himself. Then he shook his head like a dog. "C'moon! This ain't that bad. Just somethin' minor. Not scary. Not scary at all! Nothin' compared to some of the torture I've had to go through"

"Torture?" she looked at him with disbelief. "Seriously, how painful is this for you?"

_[No, don't you dare tell her that]_

_(Maybe it'll make her laugh!)_

_[It's embarrassing]_

"Very painful. Almost as painful as that one time I fractured my pelvis on that mechanical bull."

She paused. Then looked at him.

"It hurt like hell"

_[Jesus...]_

_(hahahaha!)_

Suddenly she laughed and said, "You poor, poor man! Crazy night, huh?"

"Ker-azzzy night with a capital 'K'. When I woke up I found myself in a tool shed with-"

Proteus quickly tuned out and decided to observe the many people that could not help but stare at the odd couple.

"Anything new to report?" he heard Quincy's voice through the earpiece.

"Nothing of any worth. They're drawing a lot of attention. But now she's going in a store that security's emptied out so I can't get any closer." Proteus said. "He's got no fucking boundaries with her" he mumbled under his breath as he watched Deadpool continue to paw at the dark haired Colombian, who only responded with dodging all his advances.

"What was that?"

"Nothing"

"Where's Aella?"

"She's here" he said as he avoided looking at his partner who was among the crowds, also watching them. The last thing that Proteus heard before he was forced to wait outside the store was Deadpool's voice.

"Wait, wait, wait! So you'll believe that I travelled through different universes with a big baby headed man that loves me, but you won't believe that I fought a duck version of me?"

"This is weird" Proteus deadpanned. "He's a complete fool. Yet she still tolerates him. I thought you said she was one of your men back in the day. Are you sure I'm to be cautious of The Ironclad Bitch?

"Bea Kendra"

"What?"

"The last name she used in this facility was Bea Kendra. Ironclad Bitch was her third nickname"

Proteus tried not to huff out to loud. "Christ, how many names does she have?"

"I've never kept count. I'm sure it's up in the hundreds"

"She seems to have...gotten a touch fluffier." There was no response, and Proteus wondered if asking a question he already knew the whole answer to would satisfy some part of him. Ah,what the hell. "...How come she quit so early?"he finally asked.

"It's not any of your concern. The most I can say is due to certain circumstances," Quincy looked at himself in the mirror and brushed his fingers across the saggy, horribly scarred skin that was his face. "She was discharged, given a new identity, and had her memory fabricated, to avoid any chances of exploitation on us"

Proteus nearly laughed. Quincy did not realize how much he knew, and being the most cautious of everything, Proteus decided to keep him in the dark."So when she sees you- the new you- will she remember?" He asked.

"I'm not exactly sure. Dr. Kent was head of the memory removal procedure. Though I'm sure I'll have to call in Dr. Solomon, Dr. Kent and the old team that was here before to fix up her up again, the meeting alone will most likely trigger a small restoration of her memory"

Proteus moved around a blonde couple and ignored the crowd's noise. During the commotion, and the people, and the silent white noised chaos that was his life, he wondered about Quincy, and what his plan would cultivate to. Though he knew that the girl and his employer had a past together- one that he'd rather not hear again- he wondered why. Why now…? After 10 years, why did Quincy need her now?

* * *

><p><strong>I'd like to say that I can't apologize enough for taking so long with this. But life...then other things...and, god...it was pure torture to know each day I couldn't post any new chapters. For some reason, this chapter was a lot more difficult to write compared to the other ones-I initially started with one good chapter that was going to be this chapter, but then I rewrote it and ended up drafting- and no joking on this- <em>six<em> different alternatives (and I hated all of them)! It was such a train wreck :(**

**Um, just a little future notice for all of you who are still with me (which, I'm guessing, there's only like, three now) there will be another part for this mini arc-thingy. Reasons for this is is because if I were to combine the other parts with this one, it would be waayyy to long (TWSS) and though it was a bitch to write this chapter, I have a few ideas I still want to flesh out before they head to the big R.O(...get it...? Rio...? No? I tried.)**

**oh, and I forgot to say thanks to those reviews. I'm too shy to actually respond to you guys (i know, I'm a wuss) but I'll say it here. You have no idea how happy those comments make me! T.T Without your positive feedback, I really would've cut the cord on this fanfiction, but I'm glad you guys are enjoying it! I'm still in the middle of writing the next chapter but be warned, it may take a while before I finally post it :)**

**Reviews are always welcome! Yay! :3**

**P.S, yes, I tots changed the title of the story. Reasons for this was...well, when I was in the first steps in creating the very first chapter of my story I just carelessly put down the first thing that came into my mind. But now that I kinda have a better understanding of where I want to take this, I was like, "Skyfall's not really sitting with me well anymore" and Boom! I changed it.**

**holy crap I forgot to say that I have kept up with the recent Deadpool comics and I nearly squealed out in delight when I saw Ellie. Seriously, best day ever :D I'm looking forward to Ellie and Deadpool! **

**Shiklah, though?**

**Well...I...I mean...**

***sigh* no offense to any Shiklah lovers out there but I'm kinda done with her. I know. I said it. But you know what? I starting to get bored with her. It's awesome that Deadpool found someone, buuut...whenever I read Deadpool now, I'm always thinking, "alright, alright, that's enough. I'd rather this time be spent focused on his origins and his daughter Ellie than Shiklah" I'm sure if we didn't have Shiklah we'd have just as good of a comic, possibly even better because of how much the story would be centered around his daughter and past.**

**'Kay I'm done semi ranting.**

**ALSO, DAT LEAKED DEADPOOL TEST FOOTAGE. For the love of GAAWWD, I want this movie! Even if it goes straight to DVD-which, honestly, that would be crappy- I will watch this. I showed the leaked footage to a friend who knows just enough about Deadpool to actually be a fan, and at the end of the clip, they screamed, "STOP TEASING US YOU SON OF A BITCH!" xD Sadly though, I have a good idea that if a Deadpool movie is going to be in the works, it's probably going to be PG-13. So I'll be sitting alone with a bunch of kids who have no idea who Deadpool is xD that, or else I'll be sitting next to 30 year olds. **


	26. A New Level of Crazy 3

**That evening at a music festival...**

**Author's notes: Btw, you should probably play _Cape Town(Panama remix) by Clubfeet_- you'll find it on MajesticCasual on Youtube :)**

* * *

><p>Jessica yawned as she let the swarm of makeup people powder, primp and do whatever they wanted to her face. As she sat in the large vanity mirror and looked at all the different little compacts of makeup that cluttered the table, she listened to the other band that was playing. Trying to distract herself from the idea of performing next, she fidgeted and tapped her foot faster.<p>

"Nervous?" the blonde women that was tending to her said, looking at her through the mirror. The hairstylist fluffed her hair and the other woman carefully applied makeup on her face.

"Is it that obvious?" she smiled a little to the blonde. She heard the screams and cheering of the audience echo through the backstage area, and the sound only heightened her level of anxiety. "No matter how many times I've performed, I can never get over how nerve racking it is" she rummaged through her purse and got out two pills, swallowing them quickly.

"Just smile and focus. Whenever I get the butterflies in my stomach, I just breathe deeply and will myself to keep calm" the blonde woman replied. "Don't worry, try to have fun and trust yourself and your talent"

"Under those bangs, you were like a shy ghost. But now with this kind of hair hopefully what you see in the mirror will be a little boost to ease your butterflies" the brunette woman added. Jessica nodded, and looked at her hair which was all slicked back. "Hopefully" she said. With the swarm of makeup and backstage people walking around, she wondered if Willow was okay. Suddenly she heard some commotion going on behind her.

"Excuse me, sir! Please stop attacking the-"

"**Wade,**" her tone warned him and he popped back into her sight.

"Hey, babe!" he grinned. With the sheepish look on his face, she tried to keep her smile minimal- although whatever trouble he was making might've made her burst out laughing- she needed to maintain her level of maturity (one of them had to). "Do I need to treat you like a dog and put you on a tighter leash?" she asked him. The sheepish look turned to a smirk. "Promise to give me the whole package? Dog treats and the belly rubs?"

She rolled her eyes and once she heard the band that was outside doing their outro, and knowing it was her time, she hopped off the chair, not forgetting to thank the women that took care of her. Her and Wade were escorted just behind the entrance where she would be soon entering to perform. "If you promise to behave while I'm away, I promise I'll-"

The blonde woman, who was in the middle of fixing up the cluttered makeup table, took a quick glance at Jessica and her eyes widened. "Angela...Angela, look!" The brunette looked in the direction where her friend was staring and saw the female singer go on her tippy toes and hid her mouth with her right hand and put it against the man in the red and black suit. With the loud eruptions of music and cheering, the two women found it impossible to listen to what she was saying to him, but by the sudden action of him grabbing her hips and pulling her against him, they could only imagine what the girl was saying. They observed as the strobe lights outside spilled through the entrance and danced over the small groups of people that formed around the two.

"Hey, reign it in Wade, we're in public" she reminded him as the lights went out. "I'll be back soon, kay?"

Assuming that no one was looking, she gave him a quick kiss and while the room was still pitch black and the audience counted down, she was helped to the center stage to begin. When she reached the center stage, she was left there alone to stand by herself while the audience continued to make noise in anticipation of the next performance. Her eyes peered around, observing the closed curtain that allowed light from outside to sparkle and drip light on her white long sleeved gown. '_No pressure. You're okay. Breathe..._' she thought to herself as she inhaled deeply. She closed her eyes and reminded herself to focus on the cue. Though she might've looked calm on the outside, her mind, heart and body clenched in fear. Having no other comfort (like Willow) or tactic to control her severe anxiety, she tried to put her mind elsewhere, and hoped that the pills would keep her calm. When the lights centered on her and the sheer curtains opened, she took one last deep breath and began.

* * *

><p><strong>Avicii-Dear Boy<strong>

* * *

><p>"<em>So bold and fine<em>" she closed her eyes and couldn't help but smile as she hear the crash of screaming and hollering as she started. "_I've known you for some time, whole life changed while bones like yours and mine,_

_Go dance in the woods_  
><em>And down we go, down, down<em>  
><em>Oh, boy, you're mine<em>  
><em>Do you remember old times?<em>

_Oh, dear boy, I wanna follow you_  
><em>You're a wild boy, I am a wild girl too<em>  
><em>Oh, dear boy, it's so hollow without you<em>  
><em>In a world with everything but it won't do<em>

_Oh, dear boy, I wanna follow you_  
><em>You're a wild boy, I am a wild girl too<em>  
><em>Oh, dear boy, it's so shallow in the blue<em>  
><em>It's our time for everything and I call you<em>

_Sweet love of mine_  
><em>Destruction ain't a crime<em>  
><em>For those who find<em>  
><em>Love is a game like you and I<em>

_Go dance in the waters_  
><em>Of all the tears we have cried<em>  
><em>Oh, boy, we're fine<em>  
><em>Do you remember our time?<em>

_Oh, dear boy, I wanna follow you_  
><em>You're a wild boy, I am a wild girl too<em>  
><em>Oh dear boy, it's so hollow without you<em>  
><em>In a world with everything but it won't do<em>

_Oh, dear boy, I wanna follow you_  
><em>You're a wild boy, I am a wild girl too<em>  
><em>Oh, dear boy, it's so shallow in the blue<em>  
><em>It's our time for everything and I call you<em>

She took a step back and while the music began to fade and brighten back into the next song, she walked down the aisle, reaching the center of the room and began to sing again, this time adjusting the sound of her voice.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Lana Del Rey- Blue Jeans (Kris Menace Remix)<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Blue jeans, white shirt<br>Walked into the room you know you made my eyes burn  
>It was like, James Dean, for sure<br>You're so fresh to death and sick as ca-cancer  
>You were sorta punk rock, I grew up on hip hop<br>But you fit me better than my favourite sweater, and I know  
>That love is mean, and love hurts<br>But I still remember that day we met in December, oh baby!_

_I will love you 'til the end of time_  
><em>I would wait a million years<em>  
><em>Promise you'll remember that you're mine<em>  
><em>Baby can you see through the tears<em>  
><em>Love you more<em>  
><em>Than those bitches before<em>  
><em>Say you'll remember, (oh baby), say you'll remember, oh baby ooh<em>  
><em>I will love you 'til the end of time<em>

_Big dreams, gangster_  
><em>Said you had to leave to start your life over<em>  
><em>I was like, "No please, stay here,<em>  
><em>We don't need no money we can make it all work,"<em>  
><em>But he headed out on Sunday, said he'd come on Monday<em>  
><em>I stayed up waitin', anticipatin', and pacin'<em>  
><em>But he was chasing paper<em>  
><em>"Caught up in the game" ‒ that was the last I heard<em>

_I will love you 'til the end of time_  
><em>I would wait a million years<em>  
><em>Promise you'll remember that you're mine<em>  
><em>Baby can you see through the tears<em>  
><em>Love you more<em>  
><em>Than those bitches before<em>  
><em>Say you'll remember, (oh baby), say you'll remember, oh baby ooh<em>  
><em>I will love you 'til the end of time<em>

_You went out every night_  
><em>And baby that's alright<em>  
><em>I told you that no matter what you did I'd be by your side<em>  
><em>Cause Imma ride or die<em>  
><em>Whether you fail or fly<em>  
><em>Well shit at least you tried.<em>

_But when you walked out that door, a piece of me died  
>I told you I wanted more-but that's not what I had in mind<br>I just want it like before  
>We were dancing all night<br>Then they took you away-stole you out of my life  
>You just need to remember...<em>

_I will love you 'til the end of time_  
><em>I would wait a million years<em>  
><em>Promise you'll remember that you're mine<em>  
><em>Baby can you see through the tears<em>  
><em>Love you more<em>  
><em>Than those bitches before<em>  
><em>Say you'll remember, (oh baby), say you'll remember, oh baby ooh<em>  
><em>I will love you 'til the end of time<em>

While she tried to brush her hand out to every hand that reached out to her, she heard the music slowly fade into a different tempo, cueing the next song. She felt the open night air and saw the countless flashes of glow sticks in the crowds. As the music began to change and the pace slowed and quieted, she felt the pills beginning to take affect.

* * *

><p><strong>Numb Vs. Cosmic Love<strong>

* * *

><p><em>One track mind like a gold fish<em>  
><em>Stuck inside my petri dish<em>  
><em>I can't breathe and I can't smile<em>  
><em>This better be worth my while<em>

_I feel numb most of the time_  
><em>The lower I get the higher I'll climb<em>  
><em>And I will wonder why<em>  
><em>I got dark only to shine<em>  
><em>Looking for the golden light<em>  
><em>Oh, it's a reasonable sacrifice<em>  
><em>Burn, burn, burn bright<em>

_Forgo family, forgo friends_  
><em>It's how it started, how it ends<em>  
><em>I can't open up and cry<em>  
><em>'Cause I've been silent all my life<em>

_I feel numb most of the time_  
><em>The lower I get the higher I'll climb<em>  
><em>And I will wonder why<em>  
><em>I got dark only to shine<em>  
><em>Looking for the golden light<em>  
><em>Oh it's a reasonable sacrifice<em>  
><em>Burn, burn, burn bright<em>

_Shine, looking for the golden light_  
><em>Oh it's a reasonable sacrifice<em>

_Burn, burn, burn bright_

_Oh, I get dark oh and I'm in hell_  
><em>I need a friend, oh but I can't yell<em>  
><em>Yeah, I'm no good, no good to anyone<em>  
><em>'Cause all I care about is being number one<em>

_Shine, looking for the golden light_  
><em>Oh it's a reasonable sacrifice<em>

_Shine, looking for the golden light_  
><em>Oh it's a reasonable sacrifice (sacrifice)<em>

_I feel numb most of the time_  
><em>The lower I get the higher I'll climb<em>  
><em>And I will wonder why<em>  
><em>I got dark only to shine<em>

_And I light up the sky_  
><em>Stars that burn the brightest<em>  
><em>Fall so fast and pass you by<em>  
><em>Cough like empty lighters<em>

_I feel numb most of the time_  
><em>The lower I get the higher I'll climb<em>  
><em>And I will wonder why<em>  
><em>I get dark only to shine<br>__And I light up the sky  
><em>_Stars that burn the brightest  
><em>_Fall so fast and pass you by  
><em>_Spark like empty lighters_

The song ended and the lights went dim, and another wave of screams and cheering were heard. For the next hour she continued to sing and the longer time went on, the more relaxed she became. After an hour or so she finished up with the last song and bowed, thanking the audience. Wade was about to go meet up with her until he saw her come backstage and some red haired man he never saw before blocked her path. He moved through the crowds and heard a bit of what he was saying to her.

"-So if you're not too busy maybe we could get a coffee, hang out..."

She smiled, in almost in an apologetic way, her breaths heavy from exhaustion. "Um, that's very sweet, but *huff* I'm sorry- I'm already with someone"

"Aw, c'mon," he smiled charmingly. "I really like you. You're beautiful-"

_Tch. What is he, fourteen?_

_[*ahem* not to take sides here, but you said something similar. Your exact words were 'I really-]_

_SHAADDUP STUPID!_

She laughed awkwardly. "Um, I'm really sorry, but... I can't"

Before he could reply, she quickly declined again and walked away, leaving him alone among the crowds of backstage people.

* * *

><p><strong>Later...<strong>

* * *

><p>"Ouch, didn't even make a fake excuse" the mercenary winced after she had left the man standing there broken hearted. They had already left and were now walking down the street back to their home.<p>

"Why would I lie? I told him the truth, I already have someone" she said simply. Knowing that no one was around and without saying a word, she walked closer to him and took hold of his hand, still focusing her attention ahead of her. He looked down at her small hand grasping his.

_[Alright, alright, calm down. You're grinning from ear to ear]_

_(Still think you can manage some small talk, or have you just checked out?)_

"Who's the worst singer you've ever heard?" she suddenly asked.

He thought about it. "Besides Wolvie? Spider man. Especially when he gets drunk. It's like aggressively scratching a Paris Hilton against a chalkboard"

_(Ha, see what we did thar? :D 'Member?_

_:D_

_…. get it :D?)_

_[Please tell me someone remembers issue 900]_

_(I think these references are too subtle)_

She laughed quietly. "Who's that?"

"Wolverine? Paris Hilton?"

She hesitated. Jessica quickly turned away and bit her tongue as a particularly painful volt suddenly went through her. She tried not to grab her shoulder and instead closed her eyes tightly, silently withstanding the pain.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing" She lied and took a deep breath. "And I was asking about the first one."

"Wolvie?" he looked down at her and noticed her hand gripping the bottom of her coat. "C'mon just tell me, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing. I already told you my reply so tell me about this person"

"I'm distracted by what you won't tell me now. C'mon, tell me. I'm not gonna leave this alone"

"*sigh* It was just the person's name. I was scared to say it"

_(*gasp!* HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED!)_

"He's not Lord Voldemort" he laughed.

_(hey, hey, my poolder senses are tingling!)_

_[I think when you say poolder, you're meaning smolder, in which case that's not exactly the right word for this situation]_

_(Poolder, Pooly senses? Whatever, anyway, my pooly sense are tingling! Someone's following you)_

The pain began to fade away and she was able to focus. She took another breath and her smile came back "No, I mean I didn't know how to pronounce it. I'm from another country, and sure I've been able to talk without the heavy accent but I haven't been here long enough to pronounce everything clearly. You should know, you always make fun of me for it"

_[Er, Wade? Look around]_

_I know, I know_

While they continued walking back to their home, he looked around him, and noticed a few men who were following them. He couldn't get a good look at them but as one figure became six,and six became fifteen, he realized he might have to find a quiet place to deal with this. Still thinking about what he should do, Jessica seemed to be oblivious.

Shit, what should he do with her? While the figures grew in numbers, he pouted- the peace that was there for a second, now blown to smithereens.

"Oh, right, I forgot to tell you about that story I heard today. Okay, so, I heard on the news, about a guy who ate an undercooked pork chop or something and he ended up with a worm in his body and it made his brain swell up super fast-"

As subtly as possible, Wade steered them to an escalator that lead down to a large empty area. It was brightly lit and there were 3 pillars on each side of the area. By the time they reached the center he could see a couple more of these suits.

"and like, to relieve the pressure, they had to cut out a chunk of his skull-"

"Mm-hmm" Wade continued to keep her close and though he was a little pissed at how persistent these guys were, he smiled at how she continued to tell a story that was probably only 40% truth.

_[There's no time. You gotta deal with this- even with her here]_

"Like, a chunk! And they had to implant it into his groin so that it wouldn't die-"

_(Pfft. Where the hell is she getting these stories?)_

_[sounds like something we would make up]_

"Jess-"

"-Or else he would've- his brain- would've just, kaboom!"

"Jess-"

"Because his head is like holding his brain in, so his head would've exploded"

"Jessica, honey, focus." he stopped her and cupped her face to get her to pay attention.

"Huh?"

"Focus sweetums. Do you think you could do a favour for me?" he smiled brightly. Jessica, whose path was blocked by him, stopped and looked at him, her eyes bright and a smile still plastered on her face. "Um, sure... I guess. What is it?"

He rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck, briefly looking back to her with a smile still on his expression. The men were coming closer and he moved in front of her.

"We got'im. Ready to pick up now" one of the men said from his cell phone.

"Try not to scream" Deadpool said.

Before she could say anything, before she could yell, the men lunged for them. Instantly Deadpool ducked and just before their fingers could brush Jessica's nose, he grabbed the two of them by the back of the collar, hurling them backward into the others that were trying to reach for her. He quickly turned to face them, his expression alighted with amusement and excitement.

_(Hey, why are they goin' after her?)_

"Dunno" Deadpool said as he delved into sea of violence. He elbowed one man in the face and swiftly threw a throwing knife at the other. "Maybe cuz she's like, the-"

_[Beautiful damsel in distress?]_

"Well, I was gonna say she was the leading lady of this little fan fiction, but...okay" he shrugged as his boot made contact with a few dozen masks and guts. Hearing the screams echo and the amount of blood that was splashing against his face he couldn't help but laugh.

"Bwahahaha! This is fun! I'm gonna lay waste to every single one of you mother-HEY SOMEONE JUST TOUCHED MY BUTT!"

_(Your tushy! :D)_

_[*sigh* I think you should keep close to her, just in ca-]_

"-WWOOOOOO-HOOOO! Hey Jess! We should tots go celebrate after this! Yup, what you're seein' is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT, FULL COLOUR-"

Suddenly he heard a scream. Not a male one. He quickly turned around and in the crowds of guys that were surrounding him, he saw a pack of men grabbing Jessica and yanking her back.

"WADE!" she screamed as she used her right arm to wrench her left arm from their grips.

_(OH NO, MY LOVE!)_

_[OH MY GOD, OF COURSE YOU JUST HAAAD TO-]_

"HEY, I'M ONLY ONE HANDSOMELY BUFF MAN I CAN'T EXACTLY DEAL WITH MASKED DUDES PLUS HER PLUS YOU TWO ALL BY MYSELF" He unsheathed his katanas and slashed his way to her.

"Wow, will you look at that!?" hollered one goon, who, like the rest of the men, had their eyes fixated on the girl who was trying to free herself from them. "Woo boy, whatta cutie! It's our lucky day!"

"_**SUÉLTAME NOMÀS!**_ **_GET OFF OF ME!_**"

"Wow, love her accent" one very tall and skinny man said. "Where ya from, hun?"

Her only response was her growling out in frustration as she continued to keep her distance away from their touch.

"Maybe she's from Brazil?" another masked guy said. "Look at the thick dark hair and eyes" he grabbed her chin and turned her head from side to side, examining her features.

"**Don't touch me!**" she seethed.

"Oooh!" all the men said in unison, amused with her ferocity.

"Uh,oh! Kitty's got claws. Careful guys, she might scratch," one man chuckled.

"Fine by me. I like it when they scratch," said another. He licked his lips and shoved the gun back in his pocket. "C'mere kitty, kitty, kitty!"

Her heart beat faster and harder, and she was practically gasping for air. She could feel herself being pulled deeper and deeper into group and she kept her eyes tightly closed. The fear she once thought she erased from her conscious began to rush back. Her mind was turning into a mess,

she couldn't think straight

Panic was overpowering

anxiety and shame resurfaced.

she thought of her family

Her sisters and brother

Her mom

Her dad

...Her dad...

Suddenly something clicked inside her head. She realized that this was not the way to deal with this. Her dad would've kicked her ass if he could see how pathetic she was being.

"Damn, I thought this job would be a little more lively than this" the tall, lanky man said as he looked over at the other group, observing the red and black masked stranger being swallowed up by the overwhelming groups of men. A couple men took glances over at him, silently scrutinizing that the man who was supposed to be protecting the girl was falling back from the strong current of the heavy punches and kicks.

"That guy's going down for sure" another said.

_Fight_! Jessica heard her father's voice. _Get up and fight!_

_Fight!_

_Fight!_

Immediately,her body stopped struggling, causing the men's laughter to quiet down. "Huh? What's the matter kitten?" one of the men said, this one being incredibly beefy and short. "You finally gonna start listening to daddy? C'mon babe, don't be afraid, I won't bite" he grasped her chin and tilted her head up to him. Suddenly his face paled and Jessica's smile widened.

"_**But I Will**_"

* * *

><p>Deadpool inhaled a loud and long noisy gasp as he finally broke through the crowds of men. As the air remained congested with dust and debris, he stepped over the fractured shoulders and bloody noses.<p>

"Jesus, guys, do you not know what deodorant is?!" he coughed as he slightly did a small spaz out from the amounts of different smells his poor nose had to take.

_[Urgh, that was….a whole shit full of...i don't even know]_

_(EWEWEWEWWWWIIIEEEE, we were raped in scents! T.T)_

_[Saving the squeeing for later, we gotta go reclaim Jess]_

One particular goon who was barely conscious, tried to grab Deadpool's ankle. "You..son of a bi-URGH!"

"Jessicaaaa!" Deadpool called out as he slammed his boot into the goon's head as he walked over the bodies."Ah fiddle sticks! If our delicate helpless mary sue is fucking dead I'm tots calling first to fill her place"

Oh, shut up she is not a-

"Jessicaaa!" he called again as he continued to walk over bodies and heard yelling echoing throughout the underground area.

_[Yeah, how about you yell a little louder over the thousand other voices that are yelling]_

"...okay, sure. JESSICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

_[I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!]_

Meanwhile, Jessica wiped her forehead as the last goon struggled to stand but collapsed to the ground, losing consciousness. She looked around her and found one body still moving. She walked over to it, the sound of her heels cutting across the walls of the underground area. Noticing the familiar symbol tattooed into the back of his neck, she rolled him over and ripped off the mask.

"NNNFF. Stop it!" the goon cried out as she pressed her heel into the leg that she fractured earlier. Debris and dust was still thick in the air and knowing that no one else was conscious, she allowed herself a small opportunity to show the other side of herself.

"**Maybe you're new. Maybe you don't know what he did to me**" the man looked into her eyes. Not her face, but her eyes and he nearly regurgitated at the sight of what he saw in them. She looked into the face of the teary eyed man as she held him by the collar. "**But I have to be honest,**"

_**krakkk!**_

"ARRRGH YOU FUCKING BITC-AAAHHH"

"**I'm holding a bit of a grudge. You're Quincy's men, are you not? Where.**

**is.**

**he?**" she seethed.

"_I don't know! I SWEAR! Please...for the love of god! He doesn't tell us anything!_"

She studied his green eyes and finally got up, throwing him back to the ground. She stood there for a few moments, and the goon continued to gulp heavy breaths, silently bracing for a punch that was sure to come. Jessica ran a hand through her unruly hair and the goon realized her expression was not the same. Her face was gentle, her eyes were soft and warm with innocence, just as it had been before they attacked her and the other target. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the air thinned and she saw a quick flash of red. Her eyes widened in realization of what it was and she pumped her legs to run faster to it.

"Wade!" she called out. The goon was taken back by her voice. It was….sweet again. Like a child.

"Ah, jeez, there you are!" he started running to her. "Y'know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say this would be a panel for a slooooow

mooootiooooOoOoOn

Sceeeenne"

_[Annnd cueing super sappy romantic music as the two star crossed lovers dramatically run into each other's arms]_

_(LIKE DUPSTEP-)_

**_*SLAP!*_**

_(OW! WHYY?)_

_[Don't ever mention that kind of garbage into our head]_

_(But don't we like garbage? We sleep in it every time we get evicted)_

Jessica was almost there. Only ten more steps until she reached him,

nine more steps,

eight more steps,

seven more,

six more-

"**Whoa,whoa,whoa, time out!**" Someone yelled out and instantly Jessica was yanked back into someone's arms. She found herself ten feet away from Deadpool, and her heart clenched in fear again.

Her eyes became darker than ever before and just when she was ready to slam her fist into the guy's face, a hand grabbed her chin and tilted her face up. Her eyes met a set of deep black eyes and a playful smirk. A piece of wavy hair was dangling in front of his face, but he didn't seem to notice. All went silent and she could only hear her breath fanning out. Her body froze and her mind went blank. "Hmm….the pictures don't lie-you've got a good face. So you're the famous Halcyon"

Jessica's eyes widened. She looked up at him, and his smile widened when he saw her reaction."H...how do you-Eep!" she squeaked when her face was turned from side to side. Proteus was inspecting her face carefully. "I can see why he's so interested in getting you back" he caressed the side of her face softly. "So...pristine, my love"

Deadpool's eyes widened. Suddenly his fists clenched tightly, to the point where there was a loud crack. That son of a bitch! Groping her in front of him like that!

_[I don't know what the hell pristine means, but kill this fucker!]_

"So...you're here for the fight, right?" Deadpool's eyes darkened and a smile formed.

"Yup. Nice to meetcha by the way. Name's Proteus" he kept her tight in his grip.

"Deadpool" he said. "Hate to break it to ya kid, but that pair of legs over there is mine"

"Bloody shame" he sighed. "We gotta take her off your hands. Don't worry though," he checked her shoulder and noticed the mark. "I'll take good care of-"

"Proteus, you bastard!"

Jessica, Proteus, Deadpool and any of the goons that were still half conscious turned to the angry voice and saw a woman emit from the clouds of smoke. The woman had fire red hair and green eyes. Her hair colour contrasted with the dark skin, and her suit was all black latex.

Deadpool's eyes widened. "Hey!"

Suddenly her angered expression instantly softened when he caught her attention. "Deadpool! You remember m-" she said.

"YOU LOOK FAMILIAR!"

Proteus bit his tongue to keep his laughter in. Aella was taken back and couldn't speak. The mercenary blinked. "What? My sanity may have left the building, but my memory's still intact...sorta"

"Oh, Jesus," Proteus sighed. "Aella, I hope you knew well enough that this was gonna happen, so don't tell me you're gonna bitch about this as well"

"I'm not." Her attention came back to Proteus. "Let's just settle this like adults"

"Thank you" he whispered in relief. Jessica didn't know how to respond with all this, so seeing that the man she was being embraced by was distracted, she quickly bit hard into his hand. He grunted in pain and instantly released her, allowing Deadpool to push his teleporter. In less than a second, Jessica was back on Deadpool's side.

"Biting him?" he smiled down at her in amusement. His tone made her smile a little, despite the amount of fear that she felt.

"What can I say? I'm a biter" she said quietly.

"Well, no biting anyone unless it's me" his arm that was wrapped around her waist gave a small suggestive squeeze.

Aella's eyes furrowed, incredibly confused. 'Why was he…?' she trailed off. Proteus looked at Aella, and then at the two in front of him.

"She's finally starting to realize" He said as saw the a red haze grow around her, her hair whipping around while her eyes grew blood red. As Aella's clawed fingers began to extend, Proteus dug into his pockets and pulled out a small piece of white paper that was shaped into a small man. Then he pressed the paper into the back of his wrist, and it disintegrated into his skin, making small crackles as it sunk down.

"Let me handle the rest. I'm sorry I didn't stay close enough to you." Deadpool said. He unbuckled his teleporter and quickly put it in her hands. "Here, take my teleporter. I've already shown you how to use it. If anything goes wrong...well, you know what to do. But try to stay relatively safe"

Deadpool watched as she struggled with the idea of leaving him, and finally, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "**Fine. But you better come back to me, Wade, no matter what happens**" she warned.

"Certainly, gov'nah! I'll be as safe and harmless as Captain Britain!" he grinned as he saluted her. He turned back to the two, and Jessica walked back, giving more space for what was about to happen. As her eyes looked at his back, she felt a ball of tears well up in her throat. She desperately wanted to help him, but she knew she had to keep herself out of the fight for the sake of not causing any more trouble.

"Done?" Proteus asked.

Aella readied herself. Soon as Proteus took another step back, she would pounce.

"Yup!" He smiled as he twirled his katana around like a baton. "So, it's two against one? Are you like a duo? Like Team Rocket? I can't wait to hear your little motto before you fight! OH-EM-GEE, are you gonna monologue? Hm, that might not work though cuz this fanfiction's never done a monologue so who knows how many panels or paragraphs that's gonna take up. Oh, wait, Salome said we did. But, monologue or not, are you looking for a worthy opponent or something? Can you guys-"

**_SLAM!_**

Deadpool's sentence was cut short by a kick to the face. He toppled back over in a daze, staring up at an incoming fist.

"Dammit, Aella" Proteus hissed as they had already begun fighting. Without hesitance, he quickly got over the disappointment at not jumping fast enough, and instead duplicated himself, letting the other join the fight as his real body appeared before Jessica once again.

_[Can you focus, please?]_

"Sure, sure" he said as he did not realize he was fighting a duplicate. After he dodged a few hits and swiped his katana at the two, he turned to the girl. "So, redhead, who are you?"

"You really don't remember me, babe?" Aella pouted.

He thought about it. "Do you have, like, a really _fat_ sister?"

He was decked in face again and Deadpool sent a well aimed kick in her direction.

"Ow," he said as he cracked his nose back.

"We met at the bar" she reminded him.

"OH, it's the cougar!"

"I'm not that old"

"That's up for debate"

"We haven't been properly introduced. I'm Aella"

"Deadpool" he replied pleasantly. "So I've been noticing you've been looking me up and down like a tall glass of water- which, I get it, who wouldn't be?- you a fan or something?"

"Very much"

_(Neat-o!)_

"Huh. So you've already seen enough to know about who I am?

"I know more about you than you think, Wade. I've watched you. Studied you over the years. And know when I tell you that you and me?" she pointed to Wade and herself. "We complete each other, darling"

"...Er…" he said awkwardly as punched Proteus in the face.

_(Stranger danger!)_

_[Where the fuck's our pink mace gun?]_

_(Threw it out)_

"Damn," he said. He cleared his throat and asked, "So, um-"

"I've seen the crime photos from interpol. You style, your consistency, your...creativity" Her eyes softened and a blush rose on her cheeks. "It's beautiful...fascinating, really"

"...Um...thank you?" He moved to the side and another goon that had snuck up behind him lunged at him and missed, only to be captured from behind by Deadpool and have his throat slashed. The goon choked on the excessive amounts of blood that bubbled out of his throat and neck, and suddenly fell to his knees and onto the ground.

"See? That passion, that...undefinable "thing" inside you that makes you that amazing creature…" she trailed off. Deadpool said nothing, and blocked a hit from Proteus.

_[Wasn't that creative, you weird hair-coloured weirdo]_

_(NeEeEhHh, she's getting scary! :S GET HER AWAY FROM US)_

_[Say something to make her hate you- just do anything, I'm getting freaked out!]_

"Uuumm, as a wise man once said….uh, don't cut the watermelon unless youu, uhhh, unless you planted the seed...or somethin' "

_[That actually had some poetic meaning to it….i think]_

"What?" she furrowed her eyebrows in genuine confusion.

"I don't know"

"...You didn't think about that sentence before you said it, huh?"

"You know what, I prefer not to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth!"

_(Like puke?)_

_[….]_

* * *

><p><strong>Meanwhile...<strong>

* * *

><p>"Look, I only want to talk" his black orbs stayed focused on her.<p>

Jessica looked at the man and she remained quiet, her back against the wall.

"You know why we're here"

"...Quincy" Jessica said.

"And you know I know about that bruise on your shoulder" he added. He noticed her grabbing at her shoulder and said, "Believe me when I say the pain will only grow worse and more frequent"

"What…?"

"That mark on your shoulder is not a bruise. That's how it always starts. Soon, that will develop into something horrible and will consume your entire body and conscious. Quincy wants you back. It's time for you to come back home. Don't worry, in exchange for returning, he'll help you. He'll restore those memories that you lost, Halcyon"

"P-please don't say that name"

"Well, what would you like me to call you? You alias names are endless. Vectra, India, Star Child, The Colombian Devil- there's a hell of a lot more than that, so which one?"

"None of them!" she said. "Just...please, I've had enough of his world. I'm done. I was done doing his dirty work since I was fourteen"

"I have orders to bring you back unharmed, along with your boytoy"

"**_He's not my boytoy!_**" She yelled.

He observed her sudden anger in mild amusement. "...Then what is he to you?"

"**None of your goddamn business**" she whispered.

"You know what I'm capable of doing" he said abruptly.

"**Yeah? And if my reputation is still well known in that hell hole, then you know what I'm capable of doing**," she said, the pupils of her eyes slightly dilating.

"It's been ten years since you walked away from assassination jobs" he pointed out.

"**_That doesn't mean I forgot how to kick your ass_**" she grinned wickedly.

God, when she put it like that, he was almost tempted to rush at her, but he knew that his calm demeanour would be beneficial in the long run. Instead of wrapping his hand around her throat, he forced himself to keep his feet planted on the ground.

"I'm not gonna fight you" he sighed. "Like I said before, I just wanted to talk to you. You can't run from him forever, no matter how many walls you've built up. Not to sound cliche, but he won't stop until he has you. Even if it means going through everyone you know and love" he looked behind him and noticed his duplicate starting to move a lot slower, indicating that the fight was starting to fall under Deadpool's favour. "You wouldn't want Deadpool caught up in this, right?"

Proteus caught the flash of hurt that appeared on her expression for a moment. She closed her eyes and tried to swallow back the painful truth.

"What's the matter?" he asked. "You thought you could actually live normally? Sorry, toots, but when you've chosen to tread as deep into the rabbit hole as you and I have, it's not your choice anymore on whether you want out of this world. You want me to say I'm surprised that you got out of there alive? I'm not-of course after what Quincy did to you, you'd do anything to get out of there. But you knew well enough he would want you back eventually."

"**I'm not going back to work for him**" she replied stubbornly.

Proteus shrugged, not bothering any further to convince her. To not make her any more defensive, Proteus brought out a card, putting it on the ground in front of him. "Here, in case you have a change of heart" he said with care. _'I've also left you a small surprise. A token of my respect for you, Halcyon'_ he inwardly thought to himself.

Jessica watched as he gave her a curt bow. She could hear the fighting still going on behind him. "**If it's any use, can I ask you to call off your dog?**" she asked. He said nothing and simply winked at her. In one swift motion, he teleported out of sight. When she knew it was safe, Jessica went over and picked up the card and read its contact information. She quickly hid it in her jean pocket and heard a loud thump behind her, catching her attention. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know when they would return, or how to deal with them. She thought of her family, of herself, Wade-

Wade! She had completely forgotten about him!

"Calm down, calm down" she whispered to herself.

"Noooo! I don't wanna be dragged to your apartment and be forced to listen to Enya or whatever shit music you listen too!"

Hearing his voice behind her, Jessica quickly turned her attention back to Wade.

When she turned around, her eyes widened and her teeth gritted in wrath at what she saw before her.

With the duplicate lying on the ground a few feet away, dead from a brutal beheading, Aella had finally gained the upper hand and had Deadpool under her, pinned to the ground.

"Look lady I don't know who you are and I really don't give a fu-"

"I'm so sorry Wade, I meant to pick you up that night, right after I got some business taken care of with that idiot Proteus" she stroked the cheek of the mercenary's face. Deadpool blinked at her, looking at her boredly. This was not doing anything for him.

"Lady, If this was a year ago, I might've, _might've_ been all for it. But I'm not-"

"Shh, shh, shh. Wade, don't speak. You're still a little dizzy, you're not making sense" she cooed as she bent a little lower closer to his face.

"Woah, hey what're you-?!"

_(Cougar. _

_wat r u doin?_

_cougar_

_STAAAHP!)_

"Let me make it all bett- AHH!" Suddenly Jessica, who jumped right onto Aella's back and grabbing her by her shoulders, used her all her strength and pulled, rolling onto her back and ripping Aella off Wade, chucking her several feet away. Jessica quickly moved back and completely furious about what Aella almost did, crouched over Wade, covering him with her body as if to reclaim ownership and protect him. Aella quickly recovered and landed in a crouch, glaring at the woman who interrupted their moment.

"You fucking-!"

"**Back off, bitch**" Jessica hissed as she swiftly grabbed the silver fighting knife that was strapped to Deadpool's bicep, more than ready to fight the woman who touched the man that was totally neck deep in trouble for letting that kiss almost happen. Wade's eyes widened at Jessica. Aside from the scary face she was making, she had completely gone crazy in a split second!

"Jessica, what the hell do you think you're-!"

"**Deadpool, No empezar con mí en este momento!**" she yelled as she walked over him, not giving a second glance in his direction.

_(did she just call us 'Deadpool'!?)_

_[W-what happened to 'Wade'? What happened to 'Poolie'? What happened to lovey dovey cutsie Jessica?!]_

_(AHHHH, WHAT IS GOING ON?! FATALITYYY!)_

"Is it just me or did that just flip your crazy switch on?" he whispered to himself.

"Look, bitch, it's been ten years since you've been in a real knife fight and since I need you in one piece, why don't you save us the trouble of breaking something like your hip, and just comply like the old collared hag you are" Aella spat.

"**When's the last time you looked in the** **mirror?**" Jessica giggled sweetly.** "It's like the pot calling the kettle black!**" Her eyes shimmered in innocence and she tossed the large knife in the air, catching it over and over again.

Deadpool looked back at her then at Aella. His eyes widened as he noticed the eerie silence and the familiar feeling every man had before a cat fight. As much as this was the golden opportunity to sit back and watch the greatest fight he would ever witness, he couldn't risk her getting hurt.

Jessica remained composed as she seized up Aella. Though she had never met this woman in her life, she could definitely tell that she was a woman with very little patience like herself. "**Look, your partner already left withou-**_**AHH!**_" suddenly Jessica screamed in surprise as she was abruptly thrown over a large muscular shoulder.

"Look, we gots tah go. Let's do the little old married couple spat another time, alrighty Bitey Mcbitey? _Vamanos!_" he bolted across the underground room and up the stairs.

"Wha- hey, get back here!" Aella said as she bolted after them. Jessica, who was trying to keep herself up and trying to see what they were running by and crashing through, wiggled around and suddenly started bursting out laughing.

"Jessica-oof!" he struggled to keep her in one place and continued to search for a car they could steal. "As happy as I am to know you're thinking this is fun, you gotta stop squiggling around!"

**"T-THEN -PFFTHAHAHA- THEN STOP TOUCHING MY STOMACH! YOU'RE TICKLING ME! LEMME RUN ON MY OWN!"**

He quickly set her down and they ran down an empty street, the sound of their feet splashing against the wet cement.

"I'm hurt that you don't appreciate the special view when you're over my shoulder"

"**_First of all, it's not really that special if all I'm seeing are multiple pouches- seriously it's blocking my view-_**"

_[Woah-ho-ho! SO SHE IS A PERV S:D]_

_(Huzzah!)_

"**_Second of all, people are going to think you're kidnapping me if I'm over your shoulder and we're running away from a crime scene_**." she added as she heard the familiar sound of police sirens.

"OR, maybe they think we're just an awesome interracial couple finding out new and creative ways to walk home together. Right? Riiiight?"

"DEADPOOL, GET BACK HERE" Aella screamed as she rounded the corner, eager to wrap her hands around the two timing mercenary.

_(EEEEEEEEEK!)_

_*SLAP*_

_[GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER]_

"**Wade, what did you do to her?**" she huffed as she continued to follow him. They quickly rounded a corner and Deadpool yanked her into a dark alley. They stayed quiet and peeked around the wall as they saw her turn into the wrong direction. He shook his head in self disappointment.

"I gave her one taste of me and-*sigh*- she won't let go"

"**Oh, dios,**" she rolled her eyes."**Well, there won't be a speck of anything of you for girls to taste if we get caught by that she-devil. We have to find somewhere to lay low. Seriously though, what is her problem?**"

He blinked and gradually he smiled slyly as he noticed her accent still visible. "...You're gettin' a little jelly, aren't you?"

"**_Hey, hey, hey,_**" she warned quickly, noticing him waggling his eyebrows at her with a big cheshire grin. "**youu are not the cause of- of- of this, okay? I'm just mad about….about something that happened yesterday….so shut up**"

"Hmm..."

Jessica looked up at him, raising her eyebrow at him in confusion."**_What_**...?"

"**You're such a cutie!**" He suddenly picked her up and kissed her.

_(AHNUMNUMNUMNUM!)_

She yelped in shock and when he allowed her to push him away, she yelled, "**Wade, what the he-!"**

"Hey, don't get so uptight about it!" he interrupted, grinning as set her down on her two feet. "Goodness, you need to shed that cold, sassy exterior-"

"DEADPOOL!" Aella screamed as she finally caught sight of them.

_(Hey! Hey! I got an idea!)_

_[We are not trying conditioner first and shampoo last to find out what happens if that's what your idea is. It's gotta be relevant to this. And don't deny it because this noggin is completely open wide for reading, meaning I know what you're thinking of]_

_(No- Well, I mean, we'll try that some other time with her- but you know where any couple that is being chased down by some crazy old hag would hide?]_

"Where?" Deadpool asked.

* * *

><p><strong><em>25 minutes later<em>**

* * *

><p>"Ready? One<p>

two

three!"

"AHH!" she tumbled into the room and landed hard on her bottom.

_[That was a nice view we just got there for 3 seconds]_

_(best 3 seconds of my LY~FE)_

She turned back to the window and nearly squeaked out in fright as Deadpool suddenly chucked the two unconscious guards into the room and jumped in without warning.

"We should give them back their clothes" Jessica readjusted the heavy bearskin hat on her head and turned to Deadpool, who was also wearing the famous attire of the foot guards.

"Aw, c'mon, don't be such a stick in the mud. Don't you want a little souvenir from visiting Buckingham? Besides, we both look badass in these things" he straightened out the red coat and huge hat. "Definitely my colours"

"So you've met her before?" she got up and followed him to the door that lead to a very long and empty hallway.

"Yup"

"...Is she nice?"

"Why? Scared to meet her?" he said as he whipped through his third door dramatically, only to find no one to catch off guard.

"Well, I'm sure she's not going to welcome us with open arms"

"Ah, don't worry about it. She was pretty chill the last time I took her as hostage"

"...That did not give me any relief"

"Shh. Look," he pointed to a door at the end of the hall. There was a light emitting from the bottom of the door, and they could hear talking. They quietly tip toed beside the door and hid next to a hallway table. Noticing a small vase of flowers, Deadpool grabbed the vase, dumped out the water and gave Jessica the flowers.

"For you, my chocolate truffle" he said charmingly. Still holding the vase he turned back and crawled closer, pressing the top of the vase to the door, listening in on the conversation by pressing his ear against the bottom.

"What do you hear?" Jessica said after smelling the fresh flowers.

" 'Wah wah wonh, wonh wonh wah wonh' " he said.

_[Great. Well, we definitely know that was fucking useful]_

_(ಠ_ಠ) (hehehe, look I have a face! :) Oh,look, another one!)_

_By the sound of the voices, one of them's a female. 20 bucks says it's definitely her._

_[Deal] _

Suddenly Deadpool heard footsteps becoming louder and he quickly crawled across and hid under the other table. Jessica panicked when she heard some commotion going on but Deadpool quickly shook his head and brought his finger to his lips. As soon as the door opened, the two instantly froze. Jessica, almost like an armadillo, used the costume as a shield and allowed the big bulky suit to engulf her body, pulling the hat further down and wriggling her head and arms into the jacket. With his arms and legs bent in awkward ways, Deadpool instantly plastered himself against the wall.

_[You look like you're doing some yoga position]_

_(Alright, everyone relax in child pose right now. Breath in. Annnd out._

_Relax..._

_...relax..._

_hey, I said relax._

_THAT'S NOT RELAXING._

_I SAID RELAX_

_RELAX HARDER, MOTHER FUCKER!)_

_[I think someone needs their happy pills! :D ]_

Jessica closed her eyes as she remained in the big coat. When she heard the footsteps pause, she nearly squeaked in fright; but to her relief the heavy steps resumed and she let out a breath when the sound receded down the hallway her and Wade had just went down.

_"Psst. Jess...Jess!"_

She peeked out and saw Wade already in front of the door. "C'mon." Jessica quickly stood up and joined him. "Ready?" he asked. She didn't respond, but simply nodded.

He took a breath and with blunt force, swung open the doors. He walked in and waved at the familiar face of the Uk Queen."Ello, chapette, and how are we today? Remember me?"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's notes:<strong>

**Yes, I got this one done! And on time too (sorta. Kinda. Not really but still)!**

**Thanks again for all those favourites and follows! Uhh...what else...Oh! **

**Isli! **

**Hey, hi, how you doing? So, I saw your review and I'd like to say thanks for your advice. I appreciate the politeness (...I'm pretty sure that's a word) and the things I should keep tabs on. I'll try to keep that in mind in future chapters :) as for OP, I assure you that she won't be stronger than Deadpool. Maybe in other ways such as emotionally she might be a bit stronger (because I don't want her to become too helpless and weak, and I need her to gain some character development), but for the most part she'll remain as she is. As for mentioning her fame as a singer, the only reason why I kinda went away from that is because I wanted to focus more on her relationship with Wade and developing on what was to happen in the future. Maybe I focused a little too much on that...?**

**Anyways, thank you for the reviews, all of you (Rappy Yo Yo, I will be sure to go to you when I need some help on all things Deadpool)!**

**By the way, I want to let you know that I have another Deadpool story that I was thinking on writing and another story that is not Marvel or DC- it's an anime that I have recently discovered! Woohoo more fanfics! I won't say anymore because I'm still working on fleshing out the outline of both stories, but I have written a couple of rough draft chapters. Um, if both do turn out to be worth posting, it probably won't be until I've finished this story (and this story will be rather long). **


	27. (Don't Call My) Name

**now, Forget the excuses, forget me chattering on, you've been waiting for an update and YOU'RE GETTING A FUCKING UPDATE ('3')/**

**READ ON MY FELLOW DEADPOOLERS-er no... DEADBEATS- oh god, that sounds even worse...how about.. DEADPOOLIANS! :D**

**...totally did not just steal that off another fandom**

**ayyyOKI'LLSHUTUP (^.^'')**

**I was listening to **_**A Spacetime Singularity **_**from the album **_**The Theory of Everything**_**. ok, shutting up now.**

* * *

><p>"Do you think they'll survive?" the man asked as he glanced down at the boy who was sitting beside him, dangling his feet over the edge of the tower's open window. The man, only older by a few years, saw that the younger one was not looking at him. His look was distant and emotionless. The older one kept his head tilted down to the boy. The bright lights that glowed through the rain warmed the young boy's face. The rainfall continued on.<p>

"are you listening, Louva?" he pressed on.

"Yes, Ivan" the boy confirmed, his tone straining to sound interested. He looked out, and took in the sight before him. Below him were waves of crumbling, empty buildings, and among those were large trees, clouding the abandoned grounds of their home. His light green eyes focused on the tips of his shoes and then up to the black fur material that peeked out of the cuffs of his sweater. He pulled out a dried out blood clot, and flicked it off his fingers, letting it drift down the one hundred and five story building.

"Good." he nodded. "Fauna? What about you?"

"Hmmm?" Fauna shot his playful lavender eyes at the man. He half covered his laughter, his eyes smiling in guilty conscious. Louva felt the hard edge of the ground he was sitting on dig into the back of his knees. The feeling gave him a clear conscious of how there was a long fall if he decided to leap. He gripped the edge with his fingers and leaned forward. The wind picked up and scattered his snow white hair upwards.

"Listen to me" Ivan demanded.

"Ivan, stop trying to be the all-wise leader. We all know Kova is the only one for that" Fauna said, his voice still sounding of a young boy who hadn't yet reached manhood."Don't embarrass yourself any further with your nonsense" he added with genuine sympathy.

"'Kova can't finish his vegetables without gagging every five seconds!" Ivan exclaimed. His voice echoed through the halls of their forgotten home, causing flocks of birds to scatter out of the building. They could hear his voice run all the way down the halls on each side of them, and the sound seemed like it could continue on like a rock being through down a bottomless pit. Fauna smiled as he tightroped his way from the tower's gargoyle statue back into the room. He kept silent as he listen to Ivan's weak excuse.

"You think a man who can't do such a simple task has any right to be acknowledged as leader? No, I don't think so. And besides, we've never voted for an official leader- not even once. So you can't just up and call someone a leader"

"Hm" Fauna hummed, almost like he was actually taking those words to heart. "We should though. Get your rivalry with him finally done and over with."

Ivan glared at the young boy. The twerp was shining with curiosity and with him starting to play hopscotch on the floor's old tiles, Ivan was close to losing his temper. Fauna hopscotched in a small circle and fell to his knees near Louva, only to lay his head near the edge where his brother was still sitting. "Oh, but no matter what the circumstance or outcome, you would only be even more motivated to outdo him. So it's like, no matter what, you'll just always be like this. You'll just become even more embarrassing".

"Fauna," Louva murmured, quietly warning him.

"Mm? What?" Fauna looked at Louva and blinked up at the man who looked like he was about to lose it. "What'd I say?"

Ivan's eyes widened in pure anger. "How dare you, you little-"

"Knock, knock!"

Fauna and Ivan turned back to see the familiar black eyes that blinked back at them.

"Proteus!" Fauna cried out in pure happiness, instantly leaping up and running to him. "Big bro, you changed your hair back!"

"Hey, my big man! How's it going? Yeah, I changed my hair back to snow white" Proteus chuckled as he caught the boy in his arms. He pressed his lips to the boy's cheek, kissing him several times over. Louva could hear the laughter of his two brothers and his eye twitched in distaste as he heard their little affectioned-filled kisses.

_He really likes to play innocent, doesn't he?_ Louva thought.

Ivan barked out in laughter. "You call me embarrassing, but look at you, you little twerp! Kissing your brother when you're 17 years old!"

"Ivan, be nice to him" Proteus said simply. He ruffled Fauna's hair and joined his brothers on gazing out on the beautiful view they had. "Quincy assigned us the younger ones to be looked after _by_ us. All the children of Quincy's are to get along like family. Who gives a shit about how old he is? Look at him," Proteus's usual dark eyes bore into the bright and wide eyes of his brother.

His wide eyes,

his snow white hair,

his cute little cheeks,

"So cute!_" _Proteus hugged his brother tightly. Ivan blanched.

"Proteus, don't say it like that!" Fauna half hissed, his cheeks turning a slight tinge of red.

"You guys are both disgusting" Ivan muttered.

"Proteus, how'd your first assignment go for dad? Did you get that old lady back?" Fauna asked.

"Uuhh..." he trailed off and thought about his words. "...not physically"

"What?" Ivan looked at Proteus, slightly alarmed.

"Yeah, I know" Proteus sighed, walking over to Louva and plopping himself beside him. Fauna sat beside Proteus and leaned his back against his brother, wanting to be close to him at all times.

"I know he said 'as soon as possible', but these kinds of things can't yield the quickest results. Aella, that old hag of a woman, kept on pressing me to bag those two, but she's not as wise as she says. She's only in it for one of our targets-"

"-Who?" Ivan interrupted.

"Deadpool. Real name's Wade Wilson"

"He must be new, never heard of him" Fauna said, twirling a strand of his silver hair in his fingers.

"You're still new to the field. He's been here in the merc business for quite a long time. Far earlier than your time. Way before you were even born, perhaps" Proteus replied.

"Ew, he sounds old" Fauna said. "...but is he hot?"

"Fauna, shut your mouth" Louva muttered. "Stop acting like you're back in _Safari_"

" I Thought Quincy changed that name…" Fauna said to himself, ignoring his brother's distaste.

Proteus continued to go on with story. "Anyways, she took the reigns of this situation without my consent and she fucked the whole thing up. At the same time, her stupidity might've caused a bit of good. I was able to talk to the woman who Quincy wants"

"What did you say to her?" Ivan said.

"I told her of the call back. I tried to warn her of the consequences of not responding, but as predicted, she refused to come back. In the end I left peacefully and gave her an option of contacting him herself"

"Why would you tell her that? You know she's not allowed any other option except coming back"

"Mm, I did let her know of what was to if she didn't comply, but I find it helps to humanize yourself with your target. The greater you sympathize with them, the better you can mask your intentions. By showing her that she was "invited" rather than "forced" to make a decision on the spot, and giving her time to think about her family and have the last few moments with them, the more she'll think it'll do good to come by herself. I know she'll come. The results may not be as quick as Quincy would like it to be, but time and patience will be on our side"

"So long as that bitch doesn't screw it up again" Fauna replied. Without speaking out loud, Fauna thought of this woman Quincy wanted. What did she look like? Was she old? Young? Why did he want her so much? Was she really worth all this much trouble?

"Exactly." Ivan said, breaking Fauna's train of thought. Ivan looked out and noticed the trees bending to the gusts of wind. He could hear the children hollering from below. He could hear the strong branches of the giant sequoias that surrounded them breaking under the children's feet and hands. Not too far off he noticed a tree begin to sway violently, only to slowly tumble down and be swallowed down into the thick forest. Their bodies were probably stinging from the rain that began to pelt down and the training that they had to do since six o'clock this morning. Soon, the noise passed and it was quiet again.

"Proteus, why'd you pick her to be in on this assignment? You have us. We have known each other far longer than she knows you. Your chances of this plan flowing smoothly and accurately would be greater if you weren't partnered with her"

"Mm" he hummed in agreement. "True, but Fauna here is still new to this. He just got out of- what did Quincy change _Safari_ to?"

"_Wicked Tongue_"

"-and was recruited into the Flaygrant Zeros." Proteus continued on. "Plus, I'm sure Louva and you were busy with your own jobs. It's almost impossible for us to meet during all of our busy schedules."

"I still could've done it!" Fauna protested. "Hmph. Why'd you pick her over me? If I get wind of her screwing this up for you I'll kill her."

"Fauna, no. Don't you dare. You don't want to get 'the pedestal' again, do you?"

"Tch. I could care less. He's done worse" Fauna replied, touching his back in reminder.

"Still, you're incredibly young for being apart of Quincy's group. You're only at the Flaygrant Zero level"

"Tch" Fauna said in disgust. "I should already be graduating from that class"

"If you wanna graduate to the regular Flaygrants already, don't get out of line" Louva replied.

Proteus smiled mirthfully at Fauna glaring. He gently patted his head, and ruffled his white hair. "Don't worry, I'll bring you with me the next time I have another merc job. Anyone in the Flaygrants, whether zero or regular, are allowed to take a job together, so I'll take you with me"

Fauna shifted and his heart couldn't help but swell in anticipation.

"Okay?"

Fauna took a deep breath and swallowed, trying to contain his emotions. "...Okay"

Without anyone noticing, Ivan eyes softened. Proteus grinned, amused by how easy it was to get his brother on his good side again.

It became quiet and the wind picked up again. Rain continued to pour in the summer light. Once in a while, they heard the sounds of birds chirping. In their small seclusion with nothing but large forestry and crumbling buildings to see for miles ahead, everything seemed to be frozen in time.

Louva was the first to break the silence. "Have you seen Quincy lately?"

"No" Proteus said. "No, why?"

"He looks so different" He murmured. "He looks like the pictures you see on the walls at home"

"You mean the pictures from _ years ago?"

"Yeah. He's gotten much skinner-"

"Leaner" Ivan added.

"He doesn't sit around and do nothing anymore. He's clean shaven every day. He slicks his hair back and styles it. He even wears suits now, and he's spoken to me more than twice" Louva said, masking his slight embarrassment of his father smiling at him. Despite this dramatic change in his father, Louva seemed unfazed. Truthfully, Louva was thoroughly confused on how he should adapt to this new change. It was so odd to him, so foreign. He didn't know whether to be content or on guard for what was to happen next. From the time his father saved him, he never knew what was going on in his head. He was the only one Louva could not read clearly.

"Is this a big thing?" Proteus asked. "I haven't been here long, but judging from your reactions, this seems shocking to you all"

"Yes! Oh, absolutely!" Fauna exclaimed. "It's been forever since I've seen him like this. He might look the same old, but he definitely has brightened up! He's busy all the time now!"

"none of the children see him much, but since we're always travelling between houses and locations I've been able to speak with kids whom I switch houses." Louva said. "Evey from House Eight in New York said that on _ he was going to a meeting. He said he never saw father look happier. Apparently all the children were quite stunned to see father smile. It must've been their first time seeing him like that"

"_? That was a few days shy of when I was to meet him for the first time"

"So I suppose his happiness was caused because of you?"

"Mmm,no. I don't think to me. I think it was from what was discussed. Meaning…." Proteus trailed off. Nothing was said, but everyone instantly thought of the mysterious woman.

"Hm." Ivan adjusted his long black coat and turned his attention toward the door again. "well, anyways, now that we've finished our little family reunion...what do we do about this one?"

Fauna and Proteus turned to the young child that was up until now, ignored. The figure sat on the ground, arms wrapped around their knees and their head buried into the space that their arms created. The child was the far, far away from them, sitting against the wall that was close to the door. The young one remained silent, and the large cat that was beside them kept his diligent eyes on the other boys that stared at his owner. Fauna stared at the only pair of eyes that had enough confidence to look back at him. The cat's eyes flashed in the shadows that casted over the two outcasts. It was incredibly quiet when the young mercenaries stared at the child. One of the boys must've given out the wrong vibe because just then the outcast heard the thunderous growl emerging from the abnormally large cat. A hand moved over the cat's stomach, and the sound resonated through the child's small hand.

"Keeley, no" the child whispered. The mercenary's head remained down and their hand rubbed the soft belly even more to stop the cat from making noise. "Don't get angry now. No more snacking on people."

Ivan was the first to speak. He cleared his throat, making the kid shrink to silence again. "So, Quincy assigned you to our group"

Ivan got no sound response. He did see a small nod though. Usually Ivan would not accept such an informal way of responding, but he could tell that apart from the other boys that really seemed eager for this type of work, this boy seemed genuinely reluctant to be part of their "family". The reluctance was what made Ivan speak more quietly.

"What class?"

After a long silence, the outcast finally peeked up through the mess of shaggy brown hair.

"...I'm a Harpoon."

"The same as Fauna" Ivan said.

"No, not exactly." Fauna quickly corrected. "I joined 8 months ago and I'm already a Flaygrant Zero"

"You still have to go through the ceremony" Louva reminded him.

"My entrance was passed just this week" the child continued on.

"How old are you?" Ivan continued.

The child looked slightly surprised by the question.

"...I'm fifteen"

Ivan's eyes grew slightly wide. "Wait, what?"

"I'm fifteen"

Fauna noticed that the kid's voice was soft and polite. He also noticed the large black eyes and the soft expression. He looked artificial. Fake. "...You a girl?" Fauna asked bluntly.

"No, I'm a boy" he replied, not fazed by Fauna's slightly rude remark. He was used to how many times he had been called a girl by now.

"Hm, for such a young boy its unfortunate to find you in this field of work. I hope no serious misfortunes happen."

"Thanks. I'll try to be careful. I hope I can be of use to you" the boy bowed his head in respect.

"How cute" Proteus smiled. "Yet another adorable little brother I can spoil. With such nice flawless features, I'm sure we can find you more assignments suited to your unique appearance."

The boy looked slightly alarmed by Proteus's words. Was he to do the same duties when he was in _Wicked Tongue_?

"Oh, don't worry, you'll only be the cute bait! Seeing as you're of our blood now, I won't let them come close. I'll protect you" he reassured.

"We're all capable of taking care of ourselves, Proteus" Fauna muttered.

"Why don't you tell us your name?" Proteus smiled.

"Do you mean my _name_ name?"

"Tell us whatever name you're comfortable with telling us"

The boy thought over all the names he was given. It was quiet for a while, and at the sound of the rain suddenly stopping, the boy opened his mouth to finally speak.


	28. Devil In White

_"Ngh…!" I wince at the sharp slap I'm given by the man whose left hand whip at my ass. I quickly round the corner and slip through the busy street. After I know I'm far enough away, I crouch down and rub my bottom and try to withstand the abrupt harassment that happened in broad daylight. In the beginning I used to put up a fight or, even at least, shoot them a glare. But now I don't, and the only thing I do now is try to leave as quick as I can. I guess I've gotten used to being hit on by men as well. _

_What I've learn in this time I've been alone is that men are simple, and their needs are even simpler. _

_I blush at the sudden ferocious growl that my stomach makes. _

_"I'm hungry…" _

_Quickly making a decision, I go into a small store and buy a soda and bread. Hopefully the money I gave up won't scrape up my earnings too much. I need this cash to last for at least another week or so. After leaving the store I notice that there's a boy just outside that is leaning against the wall to keep himself in the shade. _

_I don't see much of him, but I know by the smile I've caught his attention. I notice that he's laughing. I avert my eyes and quickly escape, walking to the park to sit at the fountain where I can start wolfing down my food. Why was he laughing at me? He did have a nice suit on...maybe he was laughing at my tangled hair and my bareless feet. Laughing at the sweat and filth that covered my body. Maybe he was grinning at how obvious my place was in this city. _

_I think about yesterday and the teenage boy who I was with. _

_'it's weird how his laughter can be more embarrassing than being naked and having sex'_

_Looking down on the water, I decide to stay a little longer. The weather's fine and there are lots of people walking around. Maybe if I stay here, nobody will try to come and dip their hand underneath my skirt and shove their meaty fingers up me. _

_I turn my whole body around to the fountain and soak my feet in. _

_I wonder if I'll see those kids again tomorrow. I wonder if they're in the same problem as me. _

_Would it be wrong to ask for their help?_

_I smile mirthfully and kick the water, distorting my reflection. Nah, that'd be a waste. I've done good so far being by myself. I feel like doing something out of the ordinary would change everything I've worked hard for. _

_"Oh hey, it's you again"_

_I turn my head around and see the same boy, the one that was laughing at me. I sigh inwardly and recite the lines that I use to say when I'm not interested in a job right now. _

_"Screw off, this stand is closed" _

_He looked taken back, but then he laughs again. I scowl at his grin. This guy's pissing me off. _

_" 'stand'?" he asks._

_"Yeah. This stand," I point from my head down to my feet "Is not selling or dealing right now. If you know what's good for you and your phimosis dick don't try anything in broad daylight with these tourists around. Fuck. Off."_

_Normally, I'd never really cross this line of rudeness, considering the last time when I did it to a client he beat me till I couldn't recognize myself, but this young idiot was just a boy. With his suntanned complexion, silver slicked back white dyed hair, and big eyes, this boy had a youthful vibe emanating from him. I smirk deviously, laughing at his innocence. That white suit and the gelled back hair means nothing in this place. Those blue eyes and tan brown skin don't frighten me. _

_I swing my legs over the fountain's bench and walk straight off. To where, I have no idea. _

_"No wait, I didn't mean to mock you. I just honestly didn't know what you meant!" he called out._

_"Well, now you do so just go jerk off to the thought of me in some alleyway or something okay? If you wanna make an appointment with me then I'll be working tonight at the place near Safari" I quickly say and as soon as I sense him following, I run. I weave, crawl and hop over things to escape him, and eventually his voice fades and finally disappears. _

_The sun is burning me. I'm probably going to have to peel off bits of my skin later. It hurts when I touch my arms and shoulder. I have to take a bath before tonight. If I don't, I'll never make my quota. As I place myself in the shade of a aqua coloured convenient store and watch the other children haggle tourists, I can't help but turn around to the dusty old window that's behind me. I smudged my hand over until it became clear, and I see my reflection. I touch my dark ebony skin, felt the scratches, bumps, the dried up dirt that built up on my body. I touched my worn out fingers. They didn't feel soft anymore. They felt rough, layered in cuts and things that I had forgotten I did to other people, like hitting an old man for trying to stick his cock into my ass. He paid 20$ for only hand and a bit of mouth._

_My fingers run through my light ash coloured hair. It was a big poof ball, sitting on top of my head. I tried many times to comb it out with my fingers, but I can't anymore._


	29. Ready to Ignite

**'Yello! **

**So I know I sorted out the translations and how you should expect them to look like...but I've changed my mind YET AGAIN and have decided to translate any language _for_ you guys so you aren't sitting there not understanding shit lol. You'll see that when a different language it being spoken, it'll be in bold BUT also show the English trans with a slash. You'll see what I mean when you read this chapter ^-^ plus, you guys are smart, I know you'll figure it out.**

**Anyways, I'm back! I woulda spoken sooner in ch. 27, but I know many people might've just wanted to go straight to the chapter so I backed off for the 2 chapters '3'**

* * *

><p>"<em>Jessica….Jessica, wake up"<em>

She instantly open her eyes at someone shaking her. She sighed out and turned her head. She blinked a few times, her eyes adjusting to his bright white eyes and red mask.

"Hi, Wade"

"Look...uh.. we need to talk"

_(Why do you keeping thinking about that?)_

_Because what happened earlier wasn't normal, when I actually stepped back and thought about it_

_(So she stood up to a woman that was wielding a ten inch razor sharp knife, what's the big dealio about that?)_

_[Dude, she didn't look the least bit scared. Just stood up to her like a BAWS. Saved your ass, actually. Who knows what that woman was carrying]_

She groaned in reluctance and turned the other way. "Some other time, okay? I don't wanna do this now"

_"_You're hiding something from me" he pushed on

she sighed, her voice groggy with sleep. "red, I wouldn't do that kind of thing to you. But I'm sad though, because you did that to me with that other woman"

"Urgh, c'mon hazelnut you know that didn't mean anything" he said.

There was a long silence and Deadpool thought she had fallen asleep. Suddenly she spoke again. "...Promise it didn't mean anything?"

"I promise"

"Then come lay with me. We still have a few more hours until Rio. Let's sleep, Wade" she took ahold of his wrist and pulled him down, scooting over so he could lay beside her.

_[Can we do this later? I'm beat tired. Get some shut eye]_

"But you can't just push this away" he insisted. "I'm serious: what happened earlier in London... that wasn't normal. Look, I'm not one to be such a bitcher, but I'd like a few explanations so I'm not left out in the dark like this."

Silence fell. He thought she had fallen asleep for real this time, but just when he huffed out in irritation, he heard her voice.

"I did a couple of years of self defense"

"Self defense?" he repeated. He sat up on his elbow. "Really? Long enough to go face-to-face with a kidnapper without being fazed or hesitant? How many years? Who trained you? Shit, if you've had _that_ much training then why'd Willow approach me with this job?"

"I hadn't taken any classes at that time."

"When _that _happened?"

"Yeah. Back then, I really didn't think that something like this would ever happen again. That's why when everything died down, and things went back to normal, I took it upon myself to at least learn some basic self defense. The only reason why I was able to do that was because of, y'know, that and how much adrenaline I had."

After speaking, she heard nothing and closed her eyes, eventually falling back to sleep again. Laying down beside her, he got comfortable and yawned loudly. His eyes felt like they were burning from how dry they felt. "So you just lost your fucking marbles when one woman was straddling me?" he murmured to himself. His expression began to change and he quickly covered his mild blush, looking away.

_(Ahn__~! So many feels!_(n˘v˘•)¬_)_

_[Oh, god. Don't ever make that sound that again. Almost threw up inside here _ಠ╭╮ಠ_]_

"Alright, alright" he shook his head to rattle out the thoughts. He took one last yawn and laid down. He took some of the extra blankets Jessica had and draped them over himself. Lazily, his left hand searched for the remote on the ground beside him and turned all the lights in the plane down. "Salome, we're taking five. Until then, fill them in on what happened"

...You mean a flashback?

"Yeah" he mumbled as he turned his head away. "Flashshack...zzzz….."

* * *

><p><em>6 hours earlier...<em>

* * *

><p>"-So, ya see, I got another one of 'im Whitby's comin after me again. Now, before you say anything, I'm not gonna hurt you, and I won't steal your clothes and crown again. I just need your fastest plane to get us out of here."<p>

She looked at him with a calm demeanor. Then she looked at the girl who she pitied for. "Are we to assume that we're being taken hostage?"

Deadpool noticed that she was not looking at him but beside him. "What, you think she's being taken hostage?" he said as he pointed to Jessica, who slightly blushed at the attention being brought to her.

"Surely you don't think it's ridiculous to assume that she's not here by choice?"

"U-um," Jessica fidgeted with her jacket and her cheeks burned brighter "I sorta am. My assistant hired him for being my personal bodyguard"

_(Heey, what's with all this bodyguard shite?)_

_[She must be saying it in order to take precautions]_

_(What 'precautions', everybody and their fricking dog knows that we're-)_

No, they don't. People in the spotlight want to have some things private. She even said so herself one time.

_[Don't take it too personally if she tags us as the bodyguard]_

_(Still though! We should make it official. Do something crazy and big and extravagant. Oh! How about we yell it out on a rooftop or something?)_

_[Please shut up! _щ（ﾟДﾟщ）_]_

"Personal bodyguard?" she looked surprised. "How is that possible?"

"Hey, I do a lot of other things that don't necessarily involve getting stuck in Crossmore and having a frizzy haired doctor feel me up in my cell. Come on lady, you gotta help us out here. If not for my sake, but for this dame"

Jessica watched as she continued to stare down Deadpool, incredibly skeptical about him. Finally, when she looked at Jessica again, she sighed and said,"Alright, if you desire a plane to escape this madwoman, so be it"

_(WOO! Hell yeah, mothafuckaa!)_

_[Hn. I knew she was gonna do it. She's met us enough times to know what kind of shitstorm we'll cause here]_

"However, there are two conditions,"

_(Aw, bollocks!)_

_[Meh, what're you gonna do?]_

"One: you will wait here until I can arrange for a plane to take you where you want to go. Two," she eyed Deadpool "you return my crown that you had stolen from me when we first met"

Deadpool instantly sulked. "Aww, no, c'mon! How about a negotiation?"

"No"

"Here's what I can do for you in order to keep the crown: kill a bear, make some badass grilled cheese sandwiches, punch a girl (transvestite or not, cuz you know what, I'm not racist like that and yes, that includes Captain Britain, however this chick's off limits because, dude, it should be obvious), I'll do other people's taxes, change a tire, make everyone in London stop talking like they have a rabid badger stuck in their throats-"

"Deadpool, I really think you should just give her back the crown" Jessica nudged him.

"No, Mr. Wilson, I will not negotiate"

Deadpool looked down and mumbled incoherent words to himself, thinking of other possibilities he could offer. Then he quickly looked up.

**"...I'll kill someone for you"**

"Wade!" Jessica scolded.

_[Wow. And that was your 7th offer? You didn't think of that earlier?]_

_(Dunce)_

_Shut up I'm tryin to show her how vast my skills are!_

_(Right, right, plus you're trying to play the noble hero card)_

Seeing both the women's hard looks, Deadpool whimpered as he pulled out the crown from his one of his pitless pouches. He stared at the glimmering crown and then looked up at Jessica with the biggest watery puppy dog eyes.

"Jessica" he whimpered.

_[so he goes cryin to her to fix it]_

_(Hey, we'll do whatever it takes to keep that shiny thing)_

Jessica sighed and rubbed his shoulder. "**Lo siento, Wade, pero tienes que/ Sorry, Wade, but you have to**"

Deadpool looked down and not making eye contact with her, very slowly presented it to her. Though the Queen was not pleased with this sudden visit, she could not help but be amused by his childish demeanor and the girl's apologetic smile while she lightly consoled him.

"Mr. Wilson, we will arrange for your flight immediately. Oh- Mr...Mr. Wilson?"

"Sorry," Jessica reached over and uncurled his rigid grip from the crown, letting the Queen have full possession of it. "Thank you very much. I appreciate you helping us and we're both in your debt. I know this may be useless to say, but if I can repay the debt in some way, then please let me know"

The Queen smiled at the girl's efforts and got up, walking over to the door to leave for making arrangements. "Well, I would appreciate if you would settle this madwoman situation as soon as you can. Oh, and continue to care for this one in the manner you have been doing. It seems to have taken some positive effect on him from what I can see. Tell me, was he always like this?"

Jessica's eyes widened in slight surprise and she knew what she was implying. But she quickly composed herself, trying to hide the blush that rose to her cheeks.

"N-no, ma'am. At least, in my opinion I don't think he's always trying to cause trouble. I think that one day he woke up and realized that it was impossible, and in his case, inescapable." Jessica laughed silently through her nose "Believe it or not, he's alright"

The Queen laughed lightly at the sight of the two. "How utterly peculiar and a quiet blessing that he has been gifted by finding a person such as you. Like two ends of the spectrum meeting"

Jessica smiled in response and pressed the side of his head against her chest. Jessica did not agree wholeheartedly with the queen's words. Her fingers brushed the other side that wasn't pressed to her and she felt something warm and wet seeping through his mask. She brought her hand up and her eyes widened.

"Oh,no"

Just as the Queen was about to leave, she stopped when she heard Jessica's words.

"What is it?"

"Oh no!" Jessica quickly went over to his other side and saw the amount of dark liquid dripping through his mask."Oh no, no, no, Wade? Wade, can you hear me?"

"What?" she came back in quickly and Jessica hurriedly said, "U-Um, you wouldn't happen to have a first aid kit somewhere around this place, would you?"

* * *

><p><strong>HI~!<strong>

** I hope you guys are liking the new chapters so far :)**

**and as always, I love the reviews. Keep'im comin! ...**

...(ᅌᴗᅌ* ) *shaking* *nervous af*

**reviews.**(ᅌᴗᅌ* ***)

**man, for some reason, they scare the shit out of me. **

**They give me the heebie jeebies!**

**the wibbly wobblies!** ≧∇≦

**Maybe because I'm so not used to such praise lol**

**But thank you, all of you for reviews. and the favourites. and the followers. It's the only sure way of knowing that I don't have to kill this story**


	30. Bad Blood Exhaust

_Later…_

* * *

><p><em>(nuuu, I want my crown back! T.T)<em>

_[Hellllooo? You totally shut down right after you handed it to her! I'd like to know if we're still in the same chapter]_

_(RI-OT, RI-OT, GIMME BACK MY CROWN_

_GIMME BACK MY CROWN OR ELSE IMMA GET KERAZZY AND TAKE YA DOWN!_

…_.bitch.)_

_[Did we have a slight concussion or something?]_

By the sound of the two voices causing a ruckus in his brain, Deadpool's vacant stare faded and he finally looked around him. Suddenly Jessica appeared right in his view and he nearly jumped back.

"Wade, please pay attention! You're bleeding on the side of you head. We need to take off your mask and-"

"Woah, woah, woah, time out" He groggily said. He quickly got up and dodged her hand that was reaching for his mask. Suddenly he felt woozy again and staggered back.

"Urgh, Wade, I'm trying to help here-"

"And you've helped way more than enough," he replied as he tried to keep himself from stumbling. "so just give me those bandages and I'll do it myself. It'll heal soon anyways..."

"But you can't see what you're doing" She insisted as she went again to touch the seam of his mask.

"L-look, I can do it myself!" he said.

"But-!"

"No"

"I've already-

"No…!"

"-seen-"

"No, Jessica…!"

"-The bottom of your face already!"

"**Absolutely not**" he said, his voice becoming dark, indicating that he was losing his patience.

"Why can't I see your face?" she pouted. "I've already seen the bottom part"

"Yeah, and you don't need to see. You won't like it" He said as he touched his head and looked at his hand, seeing the traces of blood on his fingers. "...No one ever does"

Jessica opened her mouth to say something, but closed it. If he was being this stubborn about it, there wasn't any use in arguing further. She watched as he looked away and continued to dab his bleeding head. She furrowed her eyebrows in concern. She wanted to help him in any way she could, but with him shutting down like that, all she could do was sit back down and watch as he tried to stop the bleeding.

Silently watching them, a dark figure remained just outside of the room. He kept absolutely silent, carefully adjusting his position as he watched through the window. He smiled as he was the only one to see her worried expression turn to complete hurt. So he was wrong. Maybe she really did feel something for this man. He felt the vibration of his phone go off. He checked it and saw the ID number was Aella. She must have been calling for help on where their targets were. _Forget it,_ he thought. She screwed this up once before, there wasn't a second chance he was gonna allow it to happen again. Maybe his brothers were right. Maybe he should just go off on his own from here and let Quincy know it was for the best.

"Later…" he mumbled to himself. Right now, what mattered most was that Deadpool had been injured during the fight. The open wound he received earlier from Aella helped him inject the black substance into Deadpool's temple. Rummaging through his pocket he pulled out the black orb he could only wield. He took one look at it floating a few inches from his palm, and said just before swallowing it, "bottoms up!"

Feeling the glass marble sliding down his throat, he swallowed it whole. He cringed at the metallic taste it had.

Suddenly deadpool grabbed his head as pain shot through him.

_(Yeowch! what the hell was that!?)_

_[Urgh. Ow…hey, how come that hurt so much?]_

"Er, Wade?" Suddenly he doubled over and Jessica shot up. "Wade!" she grabbed his shoulder and just by looking at him slam his eyes shut and dig his nails into his head, she knew that there was something incredibly wrong. She heard a small growl of excruciating pain emit from him.

"_**Wade, what's wrong!? Something's not right,something's not right,something's going on with you! Rrrgh I told you that I could do it for you!**_"

"Rrrrgghhhh!" his vision was blacking out and he dug his nails even harder when he felt his muscles boil. The feeling was excruciating, and his nerves almost felt like they were being ripped and burned. He couldn't see anymore, but he could vaguely hear Jessica's voice, calling out to him, frantic and scared.

"**Wade stay with me! What is going on?! What's happening!?**"

"N-nothing's-OWWWW MOTHER OF MEDUSA- WRONG. T-TIS BUT A FLEEHSHHH WOUNDARRGHFOR

FUCK'S

SAKE!" he screamed.

_(AHHHHHH!)_

_[STOP RUNNING AROUND IN CIRCLES LIKE THE OTHERS!]_

_(MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOOPPPP!)_

_[GODDAMMIT STOP SCREAMING!]_

_(ARE WE DYING?! I DON'T WANNA DIE! QUICK, WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!)_

_[SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!]_

_**Hello?**_

_[wha…? AHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!]_

_(UNH-UH, I AM NOT STAYING HERE WITH THAT. FUCK THAT,_

_FUCK THIS,_

_FUCK YOU,_

_FUCK THEM,_

_I'M DONE)_

_[WHERE ARE YOU GOING?]_

_(LOOK, THERE'S A WHITE LIGHT OVER THERE. C'MON!)_

_[STOP! GOING TO WHITE LIGHTS ARE THE WORST POSSIBLE CHOICES! ARE YOU LISTENING? IF YOU RUN THERE, WE DON'T KNOW WHERE WE'LL BE GOING!]_

_**{Hahahaha, see ya!}**_

By now, the dark haired girl was on the verge of tears and her voice quivered."**WADE I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU**-"

Suddenly a black cloud erupted from him and Jessica instinctively jumped back, completely in shock. With the smoke clearing away, Jessica could see that Deadpool was lying unconscious. It was eerily silent, and she could hear her breaths coming out in short rapid pants. Just when she was about to approach him again, she heard a voice. And then suddenly...

_**"(I LIIIIIIIIVE!)"**_

She watched, utterly speechless and scared, as on dark figure slowly and dramatically sat up from the clouds with its arm extended outwards, almost like a zombie rising from its grave. Then she saw another figure sit up, this one rubbing the back of his head.

_**"[I told you not to walk to the white light. But do you ever listen? Nope. You just do whatever the fuck you want.]"**_

_"(So that bitch kicked us out! Where are we? Is this another universe? We shall be explorers! Like Christopher Robin!)"_

_"[Christopher COLUMBUS, you dingus, not Christopher Robin]"_

_"(Whatever, close enough!)"_

Swallowing the scream that wanted to come out, she quickly scrambled away from the two figures and hid behind the sofa, peering out from behind it. As the smoke died away she saw the figures and her eyes widened and jaw dropped. There, on the floor sitting beside the mercenary who seemed to have fallen unconscious, sat two men who were dressed in the same outfits as Wade. She was thinking about calling out for help, but observing their forms and bickering, she thought they were not going to attack. Steadily she crawled out, wanting to get a closer look at them. For some reason, she got this impression that they were harmless.

"_(Look, personally I think my way was the better way. I mean, you really thought we shoulda stayed put?)"_

_"[We could've at least put up a fight. That was our crib. My CDs are in there]"_

_"(Which ones?)"_

_"[You know, 'those ones'!]"_

_"(...oh._

_OH._

'_those ones'?_

_Aw, man! And those were alphabetized!)"_

Jessica cleared her throat and tried to get their attention. "U-um, hello?" her voice was a whisper and she attempted to not stare so hard.

_"[OH FUCK!]"_

_"_U-uhm, s'cuse me..." she said quietly.

_"(What? What? What's wrong?)"_

_"[I left the stove on!]"_

_"S'cuse me...!"_

_"(HIS BRAIN'S GONNA GO ON FIRE)"_

_"HELLO!"_

HEY, PAY ATTENTION TO HER!

_"(Huh?)" _

_"[Oh my god, look]"_

_"(*GASSSP* OH MY GOD, JESSICA~)"_

"Hey, how do you know, AHH!-" Jessica screamed in surprise as the boisterous one practically attempted to leap at her. Thankfully, the older sounding one grabbed the back of his collar just in the nick of time and hurled him back.

"_[For the love of god, please attempt to be a gentlemen and not some raging horny schoolgirl]"_

"_(B-b-but this is our first time meeting! Face to face! I can see her and hear her with my own eyes and ears!)"_ he pouted. A thought popped into his mind and his pout melted into a smirk. "_(I can have her all to myself now)"_

_"_**W-who are you?!" **Jessica demanded. She tried to keep her voice level but cracked a bit when she saw the heated look in the man's eyes. His movements were erratic and by the quick rising and falling of his chest, she could see he was becoming agitated and restless.

"_(*pant* *pant* Rrrgh, I can't wait any longer! Can I get closer? I...I want her! Please? Pretty please? I'm hungry! Fucking starving! I can't wait anymore!)_" He was wrenched back and put into a chokehold. He sputtered and thrashed around as the other kept a firm hold on him.

"_[It's nice to finally meet you face to face]" _the other one said to her as he remained stoic and composed. He observed that she was breathing hard and darting her eyes from them to the body that lay beside them. There was no doubt that she was frightened to the core and she was most likely inwardly panicking on what to do. The poor girl.

"_[look, this is hard to explain-]_

_"_**What did you do to Wade!? Where did you come from!?**"The two paused and then looked at each other, silently debating with one another.

"_[We...don't know what happened. We're just as confused as you are, if not, possibly more confused than you]"_

_"(But- urgh, lemme go now!- the most we can say is that one moment we're happy little daisies, doing our thing, and then something kicked us out)"_

"**Out of where?"**

The two looked at each other once more, and the two settle down into a long silent conversation between the two. They looked at each other and finally coming to a silent conclusion they said in unison, "_[From his mind)"_

_"__**...His mind?"**_

"_**(FLASHBACK WITHIN A FLASHBACK!)" **_he called out.

"_**[Shhh! People can hear us now!]"**_

* * *

><p>┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘<p> 


	31. Believe

**Earlier. A Few days shy from their departure to Rio..**

* * *

><p>"Nnn, Wade- okay, that's enough."<p>

"Sorry, Jess, but you're already on board the hug train" he yawned as his body relaxed, adding a little more weight on her."And the hug train don't make no stops."

"Oww, get off, you're too heavy!" she whimpered.

"You sleep naked?" he asked, casually feeling the bare soft skin that was under the thin robe. He grinned as he heard her gasp. "Cool. I do too. Ah, look at us! We have so much in common!" he then yawned and pushed his nose against the back of her neck, getting ready to doze off.

Jessica could hear him grumble. "Jessicaa...Zzzzzz"

she sighed as she felt his arms bring her closer. She felt a different kind of fabric pressing against her back. It was leathery and the zipper felt cold on her skin. Soon she was turned over to face him, acting like a cushy pillow.

"Wade? Hello, are you listening?" she waited for a reply but felt his body relax and his breaths became even and slow.

"..."

"...He's asleep." she said quietly to herself. "Jeez, I wish I could just go to sleep like that" She yawned and tried to relax her muscles. "Oh well," she mumbled as his hands buried her head into the crook of his neck.

"PSST- not really sleeping!" he said into her ear. "HA, you thought I was asleep, didn't you? Acting."

She slightly jumped at the sound of his voice and then rolled her eyes. "I can see that" she said quietly.

"So...sup? Ah, hey, where are you goinngg?" he whined as she left his arms. Securing the robe, she searched for the new pair of panties that she had placed on the bed before she took a shower.

"What're you looking for?" he asked.

"N...nothing" she blushed, looking under the bed and in the sheets.

A sly smirk appeared as he knew what she was searching for."Arre you looking for these?"

There, twirling around his fingers, were her blue and white striped panties. She looked at them, her eyes wide and blinking.

"How you'd get those? G-give them back, please" she asked.

"Uh-unh" his hand swallowed up the panties and he beckoned her over.

_(Woo, it's fun smexy-smexy timez! :D)_

_[I don't approve of this]_

_(Oh, shut up and drop the act. Look at you. You're trembling in anticipation you pervy wervy! Just relax, sit back and enjoy this _(づ￣ ³￣)づ_)_

_[...]_

"Jessicaa~" he purred, his excitement sparking as her body twitched at the call of her name. He watched in amusement as she slowly got up and crawled back onto the bed. Jessica knew what kind of deal he was striking up. This wasn't the usual childish game they played. This was different. And discovering that timid but strong pride she had, she knew that he enjoyed the small moments where he was in control.

When she sat in front of him, robe still wrapped around her, he pulled his mask up just enough so she could see his lips. Without hesitation, he took her chin and brought her lips to his, and she felt his fingers brush her wet hair away from her neck. Her heart started to beat as fast as a jackrabbit and her mind was reeling back to what had happened in the kitchen. Her body shuddered, and her womanhood felt warm.

Suddenly her breath hitched when he gently touched the tie that kept her robe together. As much as this was nice, a part of her couldn't sit back and accept this. He didn't pull it off himself, but tugged on it softly, silently telling her to do it.

_(hurrgh, sheissosooffttt!)_

_[Yum!:) ]_

She noticed the bundle of white blanket between him and herself, and so complying with his order, she very slowly untied it and let the robe slide off her shoulders. In a split second, she watched his hungry lustful gaze spark and suddenly darken as the robe was replaced with blanket, not giving him a chance to even see anything.

"Hey, I said towel off-"

"And I did take off the towel" she said as she grabbed the extra fabric from behind her and pulled it over her shoulders.

"No, no, no" he shook his head and eyed the outline of her curves peeking out through the thin white blanket. "that ain't fair" he took hold of her wrist and pulled her against him again, hugging her body to his. She cringed. Not in disgust but in fear of how vulnerable she was. "What's wrong, sweetums?" he teased, cupping the curves of her hips. "Am I making you nervous?"

She breathed deeply and focused on keeping herself calm. She felt him kiss her neck and her hands rested on his shoulders, feeling his muscles tense under her touch. "Wade…your clothes..." she opened her eyes. "Wade, what happened to your clothes?"

"Uumm…" he looked at her and a sheepish smile appeared.

"Did you accidentally catch fire again?" she looked him over, not seeing any evident markings on his body. Then again he was wearing a leather jacket. She grabbed the opening of the jacket and made him take off the jacket. Finally she noticed the huge stripes of black ash covering his arms. She did a full inspection and saw the black ashes covering his legs and shoes. She inhaled his scent and her nose scrunched up. "You smell like a lawnmower" she said as she stifled her laughter.

"...S'the only to get rid of those baddies without any evidence."

"How did I not notice this huge mess on you?" she asked herself in disbelief.

"Cause you were in a trance by my beautiful baritone voice" he said as he closed his eyes, smirking as he held her close and rubbed his cheek against hers, almost like a cat. "Just listen to my voice. This seductive, baritone voice and allow it to release your inner desires. Ask yourself, 'with this hot, _husky_ man on my bed with the most beautiful-"

"Wade, did you get caught? Did people see you?" she asked.

He stopped and his eyes opened. "Uhhh..."

"Wade!"

"-I haven't been caught!" he quickly said. "These people are pretty slow to conjure up any suspects or even report a sighting, which is weird cause I'm the only dude in a bright red suit who's been running around this place killing baddies. I don't know where Captain Britain is-"

_[hey...hey, earth to Wade! you're ruining the romantic scene!]_

"-you'd think he'd show up, cuz y'know, that's how most comic books go, well, this isn't a comic book, this is a fanfiction, but potato pahtahto, you get my point-Ah, hold on," he grabbed her and brought her head against his chest, wrapping his hand over her head to cover her other ear.

**BLAM!**

_[*Sigh* Goodbye scene that was just about to lead into a lemon. I shall miss you]_

_(*Playing sad trumpet noises*)_

Jessica jumped in fright, her heart nearly leaping out of her chest. "Wade, what the heck was that for...!?"she turned around to the source that made Wade take out his gun. Her eyes peered out through the curtains of the balcony. Looking past the curtains that drifted around every once in a while from the wind, she saw a very small figure on a roof far off in the distance suddenly go rigid, and then fall abruptly.

"Huh...never figured England for having a bunch a peeping toms" He turned back to her, his gun still rested in his hand. "Solved your little pervert problem. You're welcome!" he beamed. "Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Captain Britain-"

"…"

"-So, like, you'd think he'd show up and then do the whole 'you're-a-mercenary,-get-the-hell-outta-my-city' but I guess he's too busy drinking fancy England shit like tea and living in his castle by himself. I wonder if all people in England are very somber, short, neckless crazy idjits"

_['idjits' ?]_

_We're in England, we gotta use some Englandy words!_

_[Of course, _\ᇂ_ᇂ\_]_

"...Why do you say that? How are they crazy?"

"I don't know...I guess you just have a hunch about them...they're like cows-they're plotting world domination" he said conspiratorially. "Other than Captain Britain, I've only really known one other English person and they have completely gotten me off the thing for frizzy blonde hair and white doctor coats"

"Why were you here in the first place...?" she asked. "Some kinda vacation you took?"

"HA! Well, I guess you could say that. If you count getting thrown in a loony bin for trying to fulfill a dream then, yes, a vacation..."

"And you met someone here? Who did you meet?"

"The most craziest, scariest, person in the world. Dr. Ella Whitby." he shivered. "She was...everything that fit that old hag in Misery. She seemed nice, at first, just another person who thought they could help me but then...then she was like, treating me differently than her other patients and givin me all these extra privileges...can you see where this is going? It wasn't that '_One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest_' shite-no, this was 'Sempai-gone-bonkers-for-her-patient'. Even the voices in my head peaced out when she decided to "treat" me"

"Voices?"

"Uh-huh. There's these voices that appear above my head. One's yellow, one's white…"

From there, he continued talking, and Jessica continued to sit in front of him, listening to him. She could see that his movements were more slower, and she could sense that despite the frightening story he was telling her about this women, there was a kind of calmness that was hardly ever present with him begin to make its appearance. She got this impression that the voices seemed to be more of a concern to her since they apparently were present earlier than he could remember. He never gave a specific date on when they began, but from the different adventures he had, she could tell that they never brought any luck with him (nor any peaceful sleep).

"-Anyway, she blew her brains out, I got to wear the Queen's dress and crown, those damn voices came back, that's pretty much it" He paused for a moment. Then he looked at her.

"Soo... you don't think much about it?"

"Nope" he crossed his arms. "You think I should?"

"I don't know...on one hand, maybe you should at least give it some thought. But, believe me, I know the reasons why you wouldn't want to think about that. I mean, it's crazy to think that-"

Before he could think about his words, he blurted out, "She would fall for someone like me? Because I'm-"

"No! No, I mean, it's crazy for her, a doctor, to fall for her patient. She's supposed to be helping you, not manipulating you! She essentially had been stalking you and collecting pieces of you for how long? Plus, weren't you...in love with someone else?" she shook her head. "That woman...I feel sorry for her, but she i_**s...is... demente!**_"

His mouth twitched when he heard her accent. He noticed that whenever she got a little mad or emotional, her accent would become more evident in her voice. He could see that she was genuinely worked up over this.

"I'm just waiting for you to start your big speech about how mental institutions are all corrupted and people in power are selfish, heartless robbers of the community they serve. Want me to prop up your very own patriotic flag behind you? Want a podium too? I got a trumpet here I could play while you talk"

She stopped fuming and a blush started to spread across her cheeks."I'm just a little upset that people take advantage of others. You're either robbed or your are the robber. " she pouted. She thought of Quincy, the brothel, and the ugly scar that painted her back. "Everything's so unfair and unjust"

"Meh, that's how it's always been. Just like the roadrunner and the coyote-coyote's never gonna catch roadrunner. Hasselhoff will never be taken seriously in America as an artist. Leonardo DiCaprio will never get an Oscar-that's just life"

_[Ouch. Leave DiCaprio outta this, man]_

It became quiet and he watched as she looked down, possibly still thinking about what happened. She tucked her hair behind her ear. Finally, she said what was floating around in her mind since he began his story."I...I like you like this"

He looked at his ash covered body and then at her. "You like me medium rare?"

She laughed and shook her head. "No, I like when you're calm. You're so jumpy all the time. You always have to be busy with something. You should slow down...walk at my pace and see what you're missing" She looked into the whites of his eyes, trying to see through him, searching for something she could not explain.

Then she reached for his mask.

Instinctively, he stopped her, grabbing the hands that were trying to reach out to him.

"Wade," she whined. "You can touch me, but I can't touch you?"

"Um, it's...just how it has to be" he said.

_(Wow, good excuse)_

"I've seen the bottom half of your face already," she said quietly.

"And you don't want to see the rest" he said, his tone firmer. "You won't like it. No one ever does"

After that Jessica sighed in defeat. She watched as his eyes became shifty and eventually (to escape that sad look she was unconsciously giving him), he launched into a story she was only half listening to. Finally, realizing how she must've looked to him, she painted a smile on her face and laughed whenever he started grinning.

one day she would get through that barrier.


	32. Hello, it's me :') (f'real tho it's me)

**Hello everyone... I assume some of you are tappin your foot at me and I'm so sorry about how I haven't updated in awhile… maybe I'm just jumpin to conclusions but I can only guess that a few are waiting for an update (in which I can only smile sheepishly and blush like crazy at the thought. Thank you for liking it that much =^-^=). **

**And, even though I would love to make a joke right now… I gotta be honest with one of the main reasons on me not being consistent enough on updating and what will be the reason on my future decision for this story. **

**Something fucking horrible happened to me. In the past year I've made some horrible, stupid decisions in my life and thinking that it wouldn't come back to bite me in the ass, I didn't do anything to prepare for this..and so surprise surprise!**

**It did come back to bite me in the ass.**

**So now, as much as I would love to tell you all what's been the hold up, please understand that I really want to keep this to myself. The good news is updating _this story will continue_, **

_**however,**_

**since I can't make this top priority right now, the chapters will be added whenever I can get around to doing it. I'm hoping sooner, but it could be later. I don't want to make a schedule that I can't stick to. **

**I wish I coulda said something sooner, because I feel so bad for keeping you in the complete darkness like this, but really, my life completely did a 180 and…**

**well…**

**I really have to get everything back together. **

**So I hope people will understand. And I hope people will continue to be patient with me. I really will try my hardest to write and update as much as I can. **

**...**

**...Uh, I don't want to end on a horrible note :(**

**All that is coming to mind right now is giving you guys a much big thank you :)**

**from to my long time followers, **

**and my new followers (this past week I feel like I've been seeing a lot of story followers and story favourites on my gmail, for which really all I could say is GEEZUS! :OO) -**

**to the possibility of people passing by and being like, "hm. this is ok"**

**and to people who want to share this with their friends even though they're shy af to do it but will eventually or have already done it ;)**

**thank you so much :')**

**I'm so happy the Deadpool movie became as successful as it did.**

**Don't hate me for this but I still have not seen it *quickly bolts several metres away from you***

**But let me say, there's been so much hype over this movie that I know a few things now.**

** 1) I will die so many deaths when I watch it by myself (I really want to see this by myself first before I watch it with someone else. Yes I'm turning this into a moment for me. I might cry, I might die, I'll prob do both)**

**2) Deadpool fans will double by the tens of thousands. I swear I was sensing some insane spark of people risin from the non-Deadpool-fan void. They've seen the light :O**

**3) There's no doubt that they'll probably do a second movie. OoOOoOo, the chills - maybe Shiklah will make a cameo? I'm actually rooting more for them to go along with the comics, like in chronological order (if you kinda get what I'm saying. Like more just solo adventures before the big wedding/finding Eleanor arc thing. Though that's in the Earth 616 ver which by tHE WAY, THE FUCKN 616 ENDING WAS SO RUDE. LIKE I READ THAT IN PUBLIC AND AT THE END I TRIED NOT TO SOUND LIKE I WAS BOO FROM MOSNTERS INC WHEN MIKE RIPS LITTLE MIKEY AWAY FROM HER). **

**4) RUDE **

**5) A**

**6) F **

***sits back down in leather recliner and calmly sips peppermint tea***

**anyways.**

**I hope everyone is doing okay, both in every sort of aspect. Whether it be mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually- **

_**{What about sexually? But instead of them, more about us?}**_

_**[I DEMAND A LEMON]**_

**Dwight you ignorant slut (If you don't get that reference, I'm sorry. Not for you not getting it, but just weirding you out). Nowadays, they're called SMUTS. SMUT if you just write a single one.**

_**{In our time they were called lemons, and they were only five cents for a dozen)**_

_**[Ah, those were the times]**_

**Anyways, like I said I'll try to update as much as I can.**

_**{leave your other social networking thingys so people can follow you all around the internet. When you say it out loud, that's a weird concept. Someone's following you}**_

_**[That's for youtube video outros omg]**_

**I do have a tumblr but does it matter? Nah. Ya'll really don't wanna see that load of garbage.**

_**{and all the hints and spoilers that's ahead for this story ;) }**_

**[**_**So many hints and-]**_

***slap* **

**stop it.**

**Alright then, I'll be back soonish I hope :)**

**but until then-**

_**{DASI RUN RUN RUN NAN MEOMCHUL SUGA EOBSEO**_

_**TTO RUN RUN RUN NAN EOJJEOL SUGA EOBSEO}**_

_**[EOCHAPI IGEOTBAKKE NAN MOTAE **_

_**NEOREUL SARANGHANEUN GEOT BAKKEN MOTAE]**_

**Omg stop T.T**

_**{Ru~n}**_

_**[Don't tell me bye, bye]**_

_**{Ru~n}**_

_**[You make me cry, cry]**_

_**{Ru~n}**_

_**[Love is a lie, lie]**_

_**{Don't tell me, don't tell me}**_

_**[Don't tell me bye, bye]**_

**_..._**


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